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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crotch grabbing, jelly nailing, double-quick portions and man parts floating in a pear tree...dating thread 33 survived Christmas so bring on NYE!

999 replies

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 26/12/2012 00:14

Here we are!

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ike1 · 30/12/2012 11:07

wishing you and mum all the best 48.x

BillMasen · 30/12/2012 11:08

Really sorry to hear that 48. Hope she's ok.

48howdidthathappen · 30/12/2012 11:14

She has had 2 brain scans and drug treatment. She will need another scan to assess recovery later today.

MsArsebiscuit · 30/12/2012 11:23

That sounds as though they're treating her really well then, which is excellent news.

JulietteMontague · 30/12/2012 12:23

48 I wish your Mum well, it sounds like she has lots of love and care.

AndLibbyMakesThree · 30/12/2012 12:28

48, thinking of you and wishing your mum all the best.

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 30/12/2012 12:52

48 really sorry to hear your bad news. All the best to you and your mum.

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WhatDoesTheDogSay · 30/12/2012 13:10

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WhatDoesTheDogSay · 30/12/2012 13:26

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OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 30/12/2012 13:44

Yes, it does sound messy, but these things happen. Impossible to know at this stage whether you're being given a straight/full story or not. But he's been upfront about it which is to his credit.

I don't know what kind of relationship you're after and that might have a bearing on whether or not you want to take this any further. But tbh it's it the end of the world, we all come with our own particular baggage

If you've been getting a good feeling from him prior to this, I'd go ahead and meet. It's only a first date and odds are you mightn't want to take it further anyway.

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BantaBaby · 30/12/2012 13:46

Hi 48 - hope your Mum is okay, it does sound like she's being treated well - hope you and your family are ok too.

Dog - Tough one to call. He could be telling the complete truth, does he sound bitter about it? As a bloke I'd say from experience these things do happen, and there isn't much he can do about it. He could be being straight and open with you, and deserves the benefit of the doubt for being truthful. He could have just not mentioned it, and you'd go into it unaware of the issues.

However, it is a can of worms. I'd feel uncomfortable getting involved with someone in that situation, but people with baggage deserve love too, you know?

The other thing is - do you want to get involved with the kind of person who attracts people like that?

It's like - I'm a bit wary with women who say they've been physically abused in the past by partners - not because I blame them, just because there are likely to be trust issues which I don't deserve. If they're recovered and able to move on, then okay. If they'll flinch every time I offer to take their coat, that's something I'd rather not get involved with. No offence to them, I'd just rather meet someone who doesn't have those issues.

If this guy is lovely and sounds nice and sweet and a bit hurt but trying to deal with the experience, then go for it. If he's bitter and angry and feeling screwed over by women in general, then run away.

MsArsebiscuit · 30/12/2012 13:47

I reckon that despite it sounding 'messy' as you say, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but keep my wits about me, but then I am a certifiable soft touch and have the probable disadvantage of wanting to believe that people are as honest as I am. What do you do think about him, What ?

WhatDoesTheDogSay · 30/12/2012 13:59

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WhatDoesTheDogSay · 30/12/2012 14:07

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OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 30/12/2012 14:07

Ha Dog how is a pre-date coffee not a coffee date?

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WhatDoesTheDogSay · 30/12/2012 14:12

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OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 30/12/2012 14:14

I asked what type of thing you were looking for because I'd imagine if you were after something short term then relationship history will have a lot less impact than if you want a LTR.

At the moment I'm having a wonderful seeing-someone-twice-a-week kind of thing with a PoF find, so it can happen. Been going on a while now.

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JulietteMontague · 30/12/2012 14:21

Dog what others have said. I may have my radar on hyper alert but one phrase that would now get me twitching is any variation of the theme of 'I realise you may not want to meet now/I have blown my chances/I don't deserve you etc. I've had this twice from OD who cancelled the coffee meeting at the last minute. It smacks of 'here, I've told you what I'm like now you'll only have yourself to blame if you expect to things to be any different down the line'.

You like him, everyone has some baggage it depends on what you would be prepared to accept. He could simply be genuine, honest and wanted to tell you as it concerns DC. I would meet him, eyes open, see just how hot lovely he is in person and go from there.

OhLittleTownofWesternWind · 30/12/2012 14:21

Am currently out with dcs and foul ex's mum and sister. We do this every six weeks or so, always a little awkward as ex has no contact with dcs so there are some huge no-go areas. Still not long to go now and I get to sit down and do nothing for a while Smile

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VelvetSpoon · 30/12/2012 14:29

48 sorry to hear about your mum. Lots of good wishes to both of you.

Dog I don't think it would put me off a first meeting but it might make me a little wary/more analytical of anything he then said/did at that first date...if that makes sense.

Well, no news from Spaceman, but I'm not expecting anything til tomorrow/Tuesday anyway. I'd prefer it not to be a no, but what will be, will be, I suppose.

Got a text from Cuthbert over Christmas. I replied, nothing further. Much as I like him (and I know he likes me) I don't think I can keep chasing. I suspect he simply isn't in the right place to be dating anyone.

BantaBaby · 30/12/2012 14:45

I suspect he simply isn't in the right place to be dating anyone

You mean he's in Belgium?

mercury7 · 30/12/2012 15:03

Dog I'm often put off when someone tell's me about past relationship problems, or any other category of problem for that matter.

Not because they've had problems (shit happens to all of us after all) but because they've spewed it all out like that, it's the over disclosing, it feels crass and unsophisticated..a bit 'jeremy kyle'

lulubellaboozle · 30/12/2012 15:37

I get the over disclosing bit Mercury, I had a first telephone chat with a guy who just spewed about his exes for 15 minutes and put me right off. However in fairness to the Marine, it sounds like his is just being upfront and who knows maybe he has met someone before and said nothing about his situation and been told ' well if I had known your situation I wouldn't have agreed to meet you'.

It's never easy to judge what to share and when, FWIW I would give him the benefit of the doubt as he is so hot!!

VelvetSpoon · 30/12/2012 15:43

Talking to friend about Spaceman. Her comment: well he is very good-looking I imagine he can take his pick. Maybe you need to set your sights a bit lower?

Of course that made me feel lots better...

JulietteMontague · 30/12/2012 15:44

I met a very hot man from Belgium once. He turned out to just be after cyber sex but I did get to see him naked before he got overexcited and I shut the lid on him

As you were.