I don't understand why he's being like this. Am I in the wrong?

[FrenchRuby]

Me and dh have been together 7 years in Jan. I have a male best friend, we've known each other since I was 15 (coming up to 10 years now). For some reason dh hates him, our friendship, and the fact we're close. There has never ever been any kind of romantic feelings between us, it's more a brother/sister type thing. We text most days, but I've never been secretive about it, text just about how out days are etc...
Anyway yesterday best fried text me to say he'd finished work and was trying not to fall asleep in the bus. Then dd got hold of my phone and dh took it off of her and said to me 'I wasn't looking AT your phone but why is sending you a text saying he's home now?' So I explained about the falling asleep thing but he went nuts saying 'he was round here today wasn't he???' Then I got the silent treatment all last night. For a harmless text. I don't understand what I've done wrong? He has friends that are girls and I don't have a problem with it.
This morning he said I don't pay enough attention to him, but I don't see how that's the case? I'm home every night, I sit in the living room and watch films with him and chat to him but most of the time he's in his phone so I give up an play games on my phone.
Sorry if that doesn't make any sense I just don't understand what I've done wrong :(

AnyFucker is right, he is not paying you the respect you deserve. :(

Is he going to change though? We've spoken about it so many times but it just goes back to how it was before

You have answered your own question there, love

I don't think he will but really you are the best judge. You can keep making excuses for his behaviour but ultimately it's his problem.

Is this what you want the rest of your life to be like ? To have your husband dictate who you can and can't be friends with and to what extent ? Is that the lesson that you want to pass to your children ? That women are simply whores with so little self restraint that their husbands have to police their behaviour ?

I could not live like that. If you're only 24 there's a whole lot more of living as a second class citizen to come. Do you really want another 60 years of this ?

No I don't :( but I don't want to leave him!

You could try telling your H firmly that you are not a possession and you will not allow him to treat you like one. Then start seeing your friends whenever you like, and saying to your H if he acts up 'Don't be a dick, I'm not having this conversation with you again' and walking away.

However, if there have ever been any incidents of physical aggression from him, this strategy is risky and you would be better off to throw him out. Because a controlling man, which he is, may well escalate to aggression if verbal bullying stops working.

He's absolutely not a violent or aggressive person, I feel like I've painted him in a really bad light :( he's a wonderful father and he does his fair share of the housework, he looks after us well, it's just this jealousy thing I'm finding hard to deal with.

It's not "yours" to deal with, it's his issue

he makes it your issue because you change your behaviour to pacify him

stop pacifying him

I think people are being too harsh on you FrenchRuby - you say he is a great guy apart from this one issue - his jealousy and lack of trust.

I dont think you will make the progress you want by trying to modify your behaviour. The problem will only resurface when a man talks to you, and you also say you dont want to lose your friendship. The only solution is to get your DH to trust you so he needs to modify his behaviour.

Have you thought about going out with friend and DH and maybe friends partner, give DH a chance to get to know the nuances of your friendship with friend.

I'm afraid he probably won't ever change, in some men it's a built in attitude that though a man can be trusted with a female mate, a woman is such a poor weak creature that she can't be trusted to not give in to pressure.

A further point...I tried Jim's conversation with my controlling exDP. He explained to me it wasn't that he didn't trust me, ie he didn't think I was a slut...it was other men he didn't trust.
Leverette I don't suppose YOUR ex-P's name started with an M did it, because that's almost exactly word for word what my ex-P said! I asked him whether he really thought that I would be friends with rapists, as that was the only way anyone else would get to have sex with me. I then got the "but they will get you drunk" followed by "I know what men are like", my response to that was "oh so are you like that, as you're a man?". Rapid backtracking. He would also give me the line about why couldn't I go for a drink with "the girls" if I wanted to go out drinking, and refused to understand that I wanted to go for a drink with the male mate because I wanted to go out with my MATE, not some random women from the office.

Zippey the OP says she has tried to get her DP to meet this guy & them to go out together & he won't.