I don't understand why he's being like this. Am I in the wrong?

[FrenchRuby]

Me and dh have been together 7 years in Jan. I have a male best friend, we've known each other since I was 15 (coming up to 10 years now). For some reason dh hates him, our friendship, and the fact we're close. There has never ever been any kind of romantic feelings between us, it's more a brother/sister type thing. We text most days, but I've never been secretive about it, text just about how out days are etc...
Anyway yesterday best fried text me to say he'd finished work and was trying not to fall asleep in the bus. Then dd got hold of my phone and dh took it off of her and said to me 'I wasn't looking AT your phone but why is sending you a text saying he's home now?' So I explained about the falling asleep thing but he went nuts saying 'he was round here today wasn't he???' Then I got the silent treatment all last night. For a harmless text. I don't understand what I've done wrong? He has friends that are girls and I don't have a problem with it.
This morning he said I don't pay enough attention to him, but I don't see how that's the case? I'm home every night, I sit in the living room and watch films with him and chat to him but most of the time he's in his phone so I give up an play games on my phone.
Sorry if that doesn't make any sense I just don't understand what I've done wrong :(

and yes, do what Jim said

Not in the least bit surprised your DH is jealous. I don't expect you would like it much if it was a very close female friend of his. So I don't really agree with the rest of the posters. You haven't actually done anything wrong but I don't think it's unreasonable of your DH to be a bit jealous. But not to go accusing you of things. That's wrong.

He has and does have close girl friends, I'm not jealous at all, it doesn't bother me. Yes, they aren't best friends but close enough for him to go on nights out with them etc...

so he goes on nights out with female friends

and you would like to see your best friend (who happens to be male) but you don't because it isn't worth the fallout

something wrong here, isn't there ?

Not like two of them on their own, out in a group.

yes, but are you "allowed" to do that, with your friend ?

I'm not not 'allowed' but it's like I'd rather not because the amount of hassle I'd get is just not worth it.

then that is the same as "not allowed" in that the upshot is that you don't do it

you are being manipulated

I'm going to try the advice given to me earlier (sorry I can't remember who by and I can't scroll to see because I'm on my phone) and see where that gets me.

It could be the traditional belief that men and women cant be close friends as the sexual element gets in the way. (see "When Harry Met Sally")

You say he has close female friends but doesnt see the irony in him being able to have friends but you not. Do you have any close female friends? If you do, does your DH behave in a similar way about them?

It could be that he knows and trusts himself to behave, but he obviously cant control you, though he would like to. Thats where he needs to trust you, so he obviously does not trust you enough. Dont get caught in the potensial harmful posts above which just assume your DH is having an affair. There are many reasons why people behave like this. Could it be past relationships? etc

I have several close girl friends. My other best friend is a girl and he behaves nothing like this about her.
I don't think he's having/had an affair, he's not like that. It hurts me to think that for some reason he doesn't trust me. I was close with his ex and she said he could be quite controlling so maybe it's not just me he's been like this with.

Your DH sounds jealous and controlling, as others have said.

That said, I'm all for people having friends of the opposite sex, but I'm confused by the fact that you're in your 20s, are married, and are sending daily updates to a friend by text. I don't do that with any friends, male or female, on a daily basis.

I am ABSOLUTELY NOT condoning your DH's behaviour, but I do think I would be upset if my DH texted another woman every day about what he was doing etc.

I do the same with my other best friend too, I don't think it's that weird?

You're married so in this forever right?

So for the rest of your life, you will not go out very often, restrict contact with friends etc?

What happens if you make other male friends?

I told my sister I thought she was BU, when she complained to me furiously about her DH laughing and chatting to young women in the pub, when she was with him. Not that she was jealous, in her words, he shouldn't want to talk to anyone else but her. < after years of marriage> and what would the other people in the pub think of her. She found it just humiliating. She decided to not go with him to his Kareoke night, as couldn't stand it. They have been together 40 years, and he still chats friendly and laughs with young women at parties and find him fun. The fact that he hasn't aged in his looks has nothing to do with it.
But if it had been just one particular girl and he kept phoning her, she would have been off.

I can understand your DH's feelings, though.

It's not just some guy at the pub though, it's my best friend. I've known him for nearly 10 years his friendship is very important to me. I've tried to get dh to get to know him but he's not interested.

My sister being a woman knew her DH was not getting up to something, but it was her pride that was hurt. Men have a much deeper and sensitive "Male Pride" issues. You say DH is not interested in getting to know your friend, that is normal, my Dh would have been very upset if I'd had a close male friendship too, unless it was my brother. And knowing how much he loves you and finds you sexually attractive, he cannot conceive of any close male friend not feeling the same about you.
Would you honestly not feel the same if your DH had a similar close friendship with a girlfriend?

Men have deeper "pride issues" ?

Sexist men, who view all women as sex objects, who don't believe that any other male paying their possession any attention isn't trying to take his place sexually have those sort of "issues", that is for sure

I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it.
What I have a problem with is him thinking that I'd cheat on him. He accused me of having my friend round the house when he wasn't in, and not in a 'cup of tea' kind of way if you know what I mean. I find that really insulting :(

Yes, it is insulting, and implies you are someone who sleeps around when in a relationship

Which I'm not at all!

he is saying that you are

But you could make another good male friend.

Are you prepared to carry on like this for the rest of your life? You've made changes but he's made none. He doesn't trust you...?