Husband never orgasms

[sexlifedisaster]

I'm a regular who has NC, purely because I want unbiased opinions on this matter.

I won't dripfeed, but will start off by saying that yes, we do have far bigger issues - or at least I do, DH is perfectly happy, that have caused MN to repeatedly call "LTB". As I said though, I'm just after opinions on this matter alone.

We had a voracious sex life, really rampant, until our honeymoon, when suddenly DH had trouble coming a few times (had managed 2x a day till then).

It happened sporadically, and I put it down to tiredness, stress etc.

We didn't have sex for 6 months following my pregnancy. In that time I lost a lot of weight (about half my starting weight), have exercised loads, and now have a slim, toned body, that befits a woman half my age. I've also started to get hit on by other guys now as well.

DH is proud of me, he loves to have me on his arm etc. He gropes me in the day... but at night, well - he's always got an excuse. Either that or we do have sex, but it lacks passion and then he doesn't come. He remains hard, but he gives up within minutes.

I admit I do find it a real kick in the teeth. I used to get upset, but don't anymore. I've tried to be understanding, but I am now fed up with it. It does affect my esteem, how can it not? He can't come in me, yet he tells me aout previous GFs who he didn't like, but used for a "shag", who he had no problem getting there with.

I can't help but feel that he's just not into me, not enough. Not enough to be passionate & let himself go.

The other 'odd' thing. He gets up when I'm asleep. I've come downstairs to see what he's at, and he tends to just be on his laptop, having a fag. Of course I'm wondering if he's having a wank, but I've never caught him.

He swears he doesn't watch porn, or masturbate, but he never comes with me anymore.

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needsomeperspective -

But if it were that simple, how come he DID come with her, often and for years, before the problem started? Are you suggesting that he has suddenly "become" gay? It doesn't work like that.

Madonna / Whore.

You used to be his whore, whom he met, seduced, fucked, loved and then married.

Now you are the Madonna, the Mother. He can't fuck his mother/the mother of his children, hence closing his eyes to pretend you are Kelly Brook/Kate Moss/whoever, but his love for you, his whore, brings him away from that fantasy, stops his orgasm, and back to you, the former whore, the former sexual love of his life, who is now a mother.... and the mother he knew best was his mother, and you can't fuck your mother....

Pretty basic Freudian stuff. He's got the whole breast/vagina/fucking/mother/whore thing all tangled up.

He isn't gay, even if he does like your arse. :)

The only way you'll know about the gay porn thing is to ask DH honestly. But that might not be the reason either.

I occasionally watch porn with DH, I usually pick male-female porn, but my husband sometimes (more than sometimes, now that I think of it!!. wonder why) selects lesbian porn. I watch it, get turned on by it, but would never be with another woman. So maybe he was just exploring.

Cronullansw's got it all wrapped up then.

Freud also believed that cocaine was an effective cure for many mental and physical illnesses, and his theories, including the Madonna/whore complex, should not be taken as gospel, and it is unhelpful for this situation to be identified as being a 'classic case' of the former.

OP, you need to discuss this further with your husband, as this is the only way the problem will even likely begin to be resolved. Clearly, there are huge anxieties here, and it is pure guess-work until he will discuss these with you.

If he won't and retreats into himself, you need to make your position clear and explain that the situation cannot go on until he has at least made attempts to consider he reasons for these physical changes, which very much have an effect you on as well as him.

It may be something very minor, and it is likely that the more he focuses on the problem, the harder it becomes to overcome it, but if it is something more significant, like his sexuality, then you both deserve better than to keep on living a lie.