Is this acceptable (dh and coke)

[mcyawny]

My dh has a very colourful history in terms of drug taking. It is much much more infrequent now we have dc age 2.5 and 3 months. As in a night out involving coke once every 6 months. Well tonight he promised earlier no drugs tonight during his Christmas drinks with friends, but has come home very obviously having been taking it. Im not ok with this, think he ought to grow out of it by now. The main problem though is that I just can't trust him. He constantly denies things like this when I know the truth.
Im trying to work out if this is a massive problem or something I should just accept he'll do occasionally.
Any thoughts?

He wants you to "help him" so if he fails it is your fault. Classic tactics to avoid taking responsibility.

I'm also going to caution you on the 'help' aspect. I was with an alcohol abuser for a while and he also asked me to help him quit. Lots of big, emotional guff about how he couldn't do it alone, would do anything rather than hurt me, promises, promises... blah blah blah. What it meant in practise was that, in his eyes, I became the Bad Guy i.e. the killjoy standing between him and the next binge drinking session. His resentment was tangible. Alcohol became his weapon.

So don't allow yourself to be made the Bad Guy in this situation. His problem, his life, his decision to quit, his decision to keep using/boozing and pack his bags.

Oh FFS! if the OP and her DH decided before having DC that he wouldn't take drugs anymore and he still does & lies about it, then that is a problem. He has gone back of his word.

If after they had DC she decreed that he shouldn't, then whilst being a little more shaky on the moral high ground/control aspect, then he is still wrong to hide it and it does seem strange that he is happy to upset her over it.

But all this stuff about him being an addict and choosing drugs over his DC type stuff, because he did a bit at a work do is hysterical to say the very least!

Sorry, drinks with friends.

I wouldn't have a huge problem with it - once every 6 months or so would not be a big deal to me. We have several friends who do the same as part of a big night out.

But if it was an issue for me for whatever reason and he knew this and was being deceitful over it, then that would be a problem.

www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/dec/03/drugs-pleasure-reduce-harm

I'm with you cronullansw (not least because I grew up there, small world eh)

So if you go on a diet he'll stop doing choke. Does this mean if you falter and have a cream cake, he'll see it as a green light to go and shove gak up his noise? Because I bet you he will.