Copycats, One Upmanship and Keeping up with the Jones'

[FamilyGuy2]

Hi all

First post so please be gentle ;-)

I don't know if anyone has had the same but I'm at the end of my tether with a group of friends. They're all really great except they're all obsessed with copying/keeping up/one upmanship, whether it be cars, presents, clothes...... The list goes on and it's driving my wife and I mad.

I bought my wife a lovely Ted Baker dress as a present last year. I'm not rich so it was quite an outlay but well worth it as my wife looked stunning in it. Fast forward 6 months and her mate (significantly more wealthy) decided to buy the exact same dress even though she'd seen my wife wearing it before (and commented on how lovely it was). Now my wife doesn't want to wear it any more in fear that they'll both turn up to parties wearing the same thing. Being more wealthy she could've bought anything so why buy exactly the same thing?

They all went Xmas shopping, as a group last month and my wife bought my eldest daughter a Cath Kidston bag for Xmas. She (my eldest) has been fancying one for ages but didn't want to ask as they're quite expensive. As no-one had even mentioned Cath Kidston, my wife thought she'd be ok so decided to treat my daughter. Now she wishes she hadn't as my eldest went to school yesterday to find our friend's daughter had turned up with a brand new Cath Kidston bag, one week before Xmas. My eldest was gutted and my wife was absolutely fuming. Especially as my wife's friend knew that the bag was going to be an Xmas present for our daughter.

The sad thing is, the same happens with everything; cars, decorating the house, house extensions, holidays, gadgets. It seems that individuality has never entered my friends vocabulary at all.

As a result we've tried to distance ourselves from it but it's difficult when you are ultimately good friends. It's just an aspect of friendship that we could do without.

Does anyone else get this and what do you do?

Thanks :-)

MincePie et al

Oh the irony. Taking the pee out of me but you're regulars on Mumsnet, the most testosterone filled website on the web Why did you join, to help out the other mothers with cracked nipples?

LOL FWIW I'm happy with the size of mine so am quite happy talking dresses and handbags. You want me to talk lingerie. I'll talk lingerie too as I buy a fair amount of that for my wife as well. Clearly I have no shame lol

My post is definitely for real and yes, if it makes you happy I'm a sensitive metrosexual type. Hence why I joined mumsnet.

But surely you'd feel it too if every power tool you ever bought, or mountain bike, shotgun or Tarzan suit you bought was replicated by your best mate. Wouldn't it grate even slightly

I'm only kidding but many thanks for the banter and also to those who have responded to my rant

We don't believe you-hoooo

Actually, I get it now. You want to talk about nipples, dontcha ?

That's nothing.
A former SIL bought the same dress as me at the same time.
I had picked it up, tried it on and decided to buy it when she made her move.
I was stunned but didn't back down. Also because I'm skinny and the dress made her even fatter. Ah.

Actually, I agree with the OP. This post of behaviour from friends is seriously grating.

I had a friend who started copying everything, hairstyles, shoes, clothes, hobbies, sports, favourite drinks, jewellery. Everything. Flattering at first, but after a few years, bloody annoying. Especially when she started lying about it, telling mutual friends she got things first etc.

She started to copy entire outfits in secret, or lie about things she'd bought. We'd be out in a big group, if I left early she'd get changed in the toilets into clothes she'd copied off me, so weird!

Once, I had been wanting an expensive (for me) pair of shoes, had been saving up for a while, been regularly going to visit the shoes in the shop etc. On the day I was going to buy them she came with me to see them, when I got to the till the lady said "sorry, we no longer have them in a size X, the smallest is a size Y" (her size). She pipes up with "I'll have them then!" And bought them right under my nose.

I felt a bit sorry for her in a way as it was a bit of a shame for her, it's a bit tragic someone can't be themselves.

But then she started going after a few of my ex-boyfriends and I knew it was time to give her the old heave-ho.

Life's much better now!

Have you posted about this before OP?
I'm having a deja vu moment, might be mistaken though...

I can honestly say I've never joined mumsnet before. If I had then MincePie would have spotted a pansy like me straight away!

Maybe it's a more common problem than I thought

What a topic to focus on! Can't you just be flattered that they think you have got good taste? Why make it into a problem?

I sense that you feel a bit inferior to your friends due to them having more money.

Also it's just as quick to get that dress from house of Fraser as it is to get it from next. I don't think that much thought has gone into it.
Just a point too if they all have bought the same car then it's not just you they are copying they copy each other, that's just how your friends are. Be happy that they lie your style !

Dh's brother and sister in law copy everything we do. She used to rush out looking for clothes she'd seen me wear that she wanted. Now they copy holidays, what we do, they find out eventually and before long they have done the same.

The laugh is the accuse us of doing it to them!!!!!

Thanks Eleanor, I feel much better re the sexist thing

You're probably right, it is silly of me to get bothered over it but to play devils advocate, why, if it's nothing, do people feel the need to mimick others?

It's a well known phenomena that people get stuck in the rat race, like to go 'one up' on their peers etc. So what is it in a persons psyche that tells them that this is normal. I understand being competitive but there are genuinely people out there that will see you've bought 'x' but will ensure they buy 'x' + some bells/whistles.

Personally, with some very small exceptions, I would never buy something I knew someone else had bought or buy something just because everyone else has. Yet people do.

Bedtime1

Believe me I don't feel inferior for having less money. I would admit it if I did but I don't genuinely. The point I was making was that she could have bought literally any dress from any shop but specifically chose the same dress having seen my wife wearing it.

To be honest I'm over it now after reading the views on here and rationalising it in my head but it still puzzles me why people do it.

If you've got a great group of friends just enjoy their friendship, this sort of stuff shouldn't even bother you. And I find it funny that you consider a Ted Baker dress to be something that would set your wife out from the crowd. If you are that bothered about being unique or different then you need to get a bit more radical than that...