would this bother you?

[desparatelyseekingsomething]

usually I cook for me and OH. Usually he is very VA when we disagree but recently he has started to say that he does not want any food that I make and that I should just make some for myself. He just eats cornflakes or something. He says this very calmly - none of the usual shouting and swearing. He even sits in the same room as me, and talks as if nothing has happened, it is just that I'm eating my tea and he is eating a bowl of cornflakes. I can't work out why it bothers me so much. Does anyone out there have any idea why it would bother someone? (In theory I just have less work to do ).

I don't know what 'VA' means?

It would bother me if my partner didn't every eat the food I made. Does he have food issues, ie an emerging eating disorder?

VA - verbally aggressive. He does not have any kind of eating disorder and this only happens when we have had a row or when I've brought up a topic that he decides that he does not want to discuss. I know that he is doing it to get at me, I just can't work out why it works so well in my case.

You don't need to know why.

You know enough.

Now tell him to get fucked.

So he normally eats what you cook but if you've agrued he doesn't want you to cook for him?

I'd take him at his word, no skin off your nose if he eats cereals for supper.

What SleighBells said.

he's trying to get you to doubt yourself - your place in his life and in the house, your ability to cook, the food you present.

He's wanting you to be worn down to the point that you think there's something wrong with you rather than the floodlight be on the fact that he's a prick.

He wants you to not know what is happening in basic areas of your life.

As per your other threads: HE IS ABUSING YOU.

As per your other threads: HE IS ABUSING YOU. I know, and I am intending to leave him. I just need to get into the right place to do that. It is just that for various reasons I do not want to just walk out this minute and find it easier to cope day to day when I know why something bothers me. Usually I can spot it (eg back handed compliments etc) but I find it harder with this latest tactic.

Well I wouldn't eat my dinner in a room with him while he's eating his cornflakes. You won't be able to enjoy it, knowing he's sitting there simmering.

He does sound awful. What are your reasons for staying with him now? And what'll happen if he does this on Christmas Day?

I'd make his favorite dinner next time and make way too much, stuff myself silly while making "OMG this food is good" noises, then stop eating when full and throw away all the leftovers.
What an arse he is, play him at his own game and don't let him see you blink.

Weirdo (him). Make his favourites.

Remind me what it is you are waiting for?

It's just another way of controlling you - it's working. You are thinking about why, you are thinking how to change it, you are thinking about him and what he wants/is doing.

Give it up. He's a nasty bloke.

Making, eating and sharing food together is a pretty basic communal activity. Opting out in such a pointed way is rejection at an equally basic level. He sounds like a moron... I'd spike his cornflakes with crushed laxatives!

I am intending to leave him. I just need to get into the right place to do that

All the time you keep working out 'why something bothers' you about him, you'll never find yourself in the right place to leave.

Why are you still living with this controlling and abusive twat? Is he keeping you in a style to which you'll have to become unaccustomed if you leave him? Or, to paraphrase AF, does he have a mahoosive dick?

He only does it because it obviously annoys you, in fact he's the one suffering by not getting the food he really wants.

So don't show any emotion, in fact, if you have argued, don't ask him, cook for yourself, don't even give him the opportunity to reject your food.

Then sort out your leaving plan.

Agree with izzy... what exactly is this 'right place' you're waiting for? Sometimes in life you just have to find the courage to do the right thing first and wait later... Otherwise, you could end up seventy years old still watching Mr Fuckwit silently eating cornflakes.

Well, he is a mahoosive dick, that is for sure

OP, just DTF already. As your parting gift, buy him a years supply of cornflakes.

AF, have I ever mentioned just how deeply I esteem you?

He's being ridiculous. And doing it for notice. Which is what children do. Pay no attention. I agree with AF.

Annie, yes you might have. And I might have returned the favour < smooch>

OP, what they're all saying is right. You may want to analyse why things he does bother you, but actually it's irrelevant. The point is he does things on purpose that bother you and that's the issue to focus on. If you take a peek over at the Emotionally Abusive Relationships threads you'll find a whole bunch of women who are in or have recently got out of similar headfucks, and a recurring theme is "but why does he behave like that? If only I could understand..." Saint Lundy of Bancroft will tell you why.

My dad does this to my mum when he is in one of his silent treatment sulk phases except he usually doesn't eat anything leading her to worry about him also - I have absolutely no idea how she has put up with that shit for 40 years. I wouldn't tolerate this from my three year old

Well, it probably bothers you because he is abusive and you're trying to work out in what way this is designed to upset you. He's doing it to get at you and you just can't figure out how you're supposed to be feeling/being punished by him.

tbh, the best thing for you to do is just see it as him being a cock and not give a shit.

He probably wants you to be thinking about it, being upset about it, tying yourself in knots about it. Just cook your meal and don't think about him. Don't notice what he's having. don't care.

or he wants you to beg and plead with him to please allow you to cook for him.

Thus giving him back some power he may feel has left him...

Go visit Womens Aid. Get a 'safety plan' if needed in order. Leave him, my ex did this a lot, he is trying to make you feel like shit.

It doesn't look like it's working as you are on here blatantly asking 'WTF is he doing' I used laugh a lot just to annoy my ex when he did this to me.... (don't do this if he is violent I was a terribly naughty abused person).