would this bother you?

[desparatelyseekingsomething]

usually I cook for me and OH. Usually he is very VA when we disagree but recently he has started to say that he does not want any food that I make and that I should just make some for myself. He just eats cornflakes or something. He says this very calmly - none of the usual shouting and swearing. He even sits in the same room as me, and talks as if nothing has happened, it is just that I'm eating my tea and he is eating a bowl of cornflakes. I can't work out why it bothers me so much. Does anyone out there have any idea why it would bother someone? (In theory I just have less work to do ).

In your shoes I'd just say "Seeing as you so often don't want what I cook I think we'll just do separate dinners from now on. Oh and I'll be eating in front of the tv." Don't ever cook for him again.

Personally I think the best reaction is no reaction at all....

So when he says he doesn't want your dinner a blatantly uninterested, couldn't give a shit, "k" without even pausing in what you are doing should do it. Then eat your dinner without acknowledging the cornflakes thing. He's behaving like a naughty child, so treat him like one. No attention for bad behaviour.

He wants you to react - that's the whole point. So don't. Take the power back (that way you don't allow him to get to you AND you get the nice food - win win).

This is the man who bumped you 'accidentally' with his car a couple of times?

This is just more manipulative behaviour which causes you to focus on him :(. That is, another type of abuse.
How are your exit plans going, OP.

How about cheerfully pouring yourself some cereal instead of cooking and saying 'Yum, this is what i feel like tonight, you gave me the idea'.

You giving the manipulative twat too much brain space. Why bother trying to second guess his actions? Why bother trying to read between his lines. Your relationship is awful, you want to leave, he is abusive towards you. I think it's time you got your stuff together and just left.

Don't think the answer is too cook his fav food!

OP my ex used to do this. He would insist on me making him tea, then complain about how disgusting it was. Its just another way of making you feel shit.

Leave him, leave him now! If you keep waiting for 'the right time' it will never come! There is never a good time to do something like this, its best just to get it over and done with, and free yourself from the misery he has created.

Also don't try any games with the issue, just ignore it.

Why are you still living with this controlling and abusive twat? because I need to sort out some practical (financial) things first or I will end up still financially dependent on him and so he will still be able to control me. I have a definite plan and time scale and want to be able to cut all ways that he can manipulate me.

It's a worry that even though you have a definite plan and time scale, you are still asking us for validation of your feelings about what is clearly and starkly controlling and abusive behaviour

Do you still have doubts ?

It's never going to be possible to cut all ways that he can attempt to manipulate you after you split, these people try every trick in the book - what is it that you think time/planning can avoid specifically?

I had honestly never connected this to manipulation.. My H, only when we fight, will very nicely say that he's not in the mood for eating, (usually that his stomach hurts from stress/being upset about fighting) so not to bother making anything for him. I have taken this at face value for ages

I usually greet it with a cheery "rightyho!" and dish his up between the kids and me. I now have no idea if he genuinely has a sensitive stomach or if it's actually an arse-string to his bow

desparately sounds like you are in a really shitty situation. I think I remember your last post, and I understand you wanting to get your financial ducks in order, but... finances would honestly be the last thing on my mind Please look after yourself.

I wonder whether you're fooling yourself about his involvement with you financially if you end it now. You'll get money from him and he can't control how you spend it etc if that's what you're worrying about.

Now that I realise he's the one who bumps you with the car, all I can do is say you MUST leave now. Please don't wait until some mythical time in the future when all will be well.

Mine would do this if we argued. I would make dinner for the family, which is one of the jobs I agreed to do when we moved in together; I would cook, he would wash up. So I would call everyone down for dinner, the girls would come, he wouldn't.

Or sometimes he would come, but put his on a tray and take it off to his office.

But woe betide me if I didn't make him anything. Of course, he would never actually TELL me before I started making dinner that he didn't want any, thus saving me the bother and waste of making enough for him too.

He used to say that our argument had taken away his appetite, then later he would sit in front of the TV with a massive bowl of cereal and a couple of chocolate bars.