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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I dont know where my dh is

30 replies

desperateforaholiday · 16/12/2012 03:34

Long story short, im sitting in a hotel room on my own in the middle of no where. Had a works do tonight, dh said he wanted come and then proceeded to get drunk in the bar, I left him to it and enjoyed my night. Came bed at 1 expecting him be passed out in bed but he's not here. The car still is but I have no keys for it or money. Ive been wandering country lanes but no sign. He has form for this sort of behavior, I feel absolutely devastated, feel so ashamed but I know im going have to call the police

OP posts:
Original poster
desperateforaholiday · 16/12/2012 03:35

I say form, he once walked home from a friends house, we are 30 miles from home

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elfbambinos · 16/12/2012 03:43

I don't think you'll need to call the police......he's probably still at the party

Springhasarrived · 16/12/2012 03:45

Hi. really sorry to hear your evening has been ruined. My ex used to behave like this.
Why do you think you need to call the police? Surely he will be passed out somewhere in the hotel? It is good that the car is still there. He wasnt daft enough to drive. If I were you I would try and get some sleep and hopefully he will turn up in the morning. You are not his mother and he is not a child.
Its easier said than done, but try and sleep.

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles · 16/12/2012 05:15

Has he turned up yet, desperate ?

HollyBerryBush · 16/12/2012 08:50

I'm assuming the works do was held in the hotel? He's probably crashed in a mates bedroom. He'll surface for breakfast.

Original poster
desperateforaholiday · 16/12/2012 12:11

Hiya thanks for replying, he didn't come back, I phoned the police in the end, he had used the last of our money to get a taxi home, the neighbours had to call the police as he was trashing the house, the police told me they had responded to a disturbance at my home otherwise I wouldn't have known where he was. Im totally devastated, im at my mums at the moment .

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colditz · 16/12/2012 12:17

Oh dear.

This man has a drink problem, you know that? And did you know that you are not responsible for his behaviour?

What are you going to do with the rest of your life?

Leverette · 16/12/2012 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kinkyfuckery · 16/12/2012 12:24

Oh my goodness. Has he been arrested? Is he in police custody?

EleanorGiftbasket · 16/12/2012 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 16/12/2012 12:24

He also has form for being verbally abusive doesnt he?

Poor you. What do you plan to do?

maleview70 · 16/12/2012 12:25

Why waste your life with this dickhead?

whattodoo · 16/12/2012 12:27

Can you stay with your mum until you get a plan together?
Do you have children?

SomebodySaveMe · 16/12/2012 12:28

I think he may have provided you with the opportunity to start afresh. He sounds like a complete dick tbh.

MrsTomHardy · 16/12/2012 12:41

Sounds like a right knob.
This would be a deal breaker for me.

Original poster
desperateforaholiday · 16/12/2012 13:14

We've got children together, ive nipped home and got a set of house and car keys, the house isn't too bad, he's asleep in bed and ive come back to my mum's, he can be verbally abusive sometimes but hasn't been too bad lately. I cant think straight at the mo, my family want me to leave him but I dont know if I can do it, our boys would be devastated

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GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 16/12/2012 13:20

Short term, they will be yes.

Long term, you will be devastated on a regular basis, and they will be devastated too, when they cotton on to what their dad is like and what their parents marriage is like, if you stay.

kinkyfuckery · 16/12/2012 13:21

Do you have any idea as to why he was smashing up the house?

suburbophobe · 16/12/2012 13:24

How much more devasting could it be for your boys to grow up in a household where their father trashes the house?

That's a very scary place for them to be - and you too.

So sorry you're going through this.

suburbophobe · 16/12/2012 13:25

devastating

ErikNorseman · 16/12/2012 19:33

Your boys will grow up seeing and knowing about their 'father's' behaviour. please protect them from that.

susanann · 16/12/2012 19:40

I feel enormous sympathy for you. At least you have your mum to support you. Everyone is right you know, you must leave him. Your children will be harmed emotionally if they have to live with this man. Long term they, and you, will be better off without him. Good luck .

CaliforniaSucksSnowballs · 16/12/2012 19:55

Your boys will know that you aren't putting them through living with his moronic crap. LTB and get on with life.

Lueji · 16/12/2012 20:00

Your boys probably won't be as devastated as you think.

Original poster
desperateforaholiday · 22/12/2012 10:28

Thought I would update, when we spoke on Monday he was very remorseful, has apologised for his disgusting behavior. He went the doctors on tuesday and is now on medication for anxiety and has been referred for counseling. I have told him that I want to get Christmas out of the way and then after we'll discuss where we go from there. Thanks everyone that replied, it means a lot.

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