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Original poster

Do you like being bought sexy lingerie?

43 replies

Priya1978 · 14/12/2012 21:57

My DH has bought me some lingerie from Anne Summers online. It hasn't arrived yet, but he's told me about it. I think he expects me to be pleased -maybe I would have been in the past, but now it just feels like pressure to have sex tbh. Its such a cliche, but the truth is that after I have had my DD, I just have no interest in sex. I don't think I ever will again.

OP posts:

HairyGrotter · 14/12/2012 21:58

Have you spoken to him about it?

I personally don't like any lingerie being bought for me, mainly because I have my certain tastes and I'm not a doll to be dressed. If I was asked, and in a loving, comfortable relationship, I would dress up, however, I don't like it being forced on me

CajaDeLaMemoria · 14/12/2012 21:59

Yes, I would.

But then I'd buy myself things from there, and he'd buy me things that he knows I'd like - to make me feel good. It wouldn't be to coerce me into having sex with him.

Have you talked about sex? It could be that he's trying to make you feel sexy and give your sex life a new spark.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 14/12/2012 22:00

That should be, "I do."

But it's probably also relevant that OH doesn't just raid Ann Summers. He buys me a variety of lingerie, some which is sexy, some which he just thinks I'll like.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 14/12/2012 22:00

It's not about the lingerie - why has your sex drive gone? Is your dd really young still?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/12/2012 22:01

I don't mind being bought lingerie but would make it very clear that's it's upto me when and if I ever wear it and its his Christmas present not mine, I would be expecting a present of my own.

Ummofumbridge · 14/12/2012 22:02

Urm it wouldn't interest me but I've got a shit sex drive and too many dc. Smile and buy yourself some choc.

Bubblegum78 · 14/12/2012 22:03

No, but that's because I'm insecure about my body, I'm not blessed in the boob department so have to cheat. :-(

I will say this though, you need to talk to someone about your lack of libido, it's not fair on you to feel this way, it's not necessarily "normal" and your hubby can't survive in a sexless marriage for the rest of his life.

You said yourself, you would have loved this once, for both your sakes you need to get back to that place. xx

MousyMouse · 14/12/2012 22:06

hell no.
I'm particular when it comes to my underwear and like to chose myself.
have you talked to your dh about your feelings? I guess he trying to spark your sex life. have you thought about therapy?

Startail · 14/12/2012 22:16

Any present bought by DH without me doing the choosing is gratefully received.

DH is hopeless at present buying, unless it's expensive tech.

iphones, ipods, digital radios and digital photo frames, great.

Clothes, underwear and jewellery he has to have me choose.

I'd love a surprise, but he won't try.

However, sexy underwear when you're not feeling sexy is probably not tactful.

Original poster

Priya1978 · 14/12/2012 22:16

I do have a low labido but I don't see what can really be done about that. I guess I do feel pressured because I feel it is not fair on him, he has actually been very patient and does not make me feel bad about it.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 14/12/2012 22:18

He's probably trying to make you feel good about yourself, not pressure you, but I can see how it feels that way. It's horrible when you feel pressure for sex, no bigger turn off IME, even if it comes from yourself rather than your partner.

Did you have a low sex drive before children too or is this only since giving birth?

ifancyashandy · 14/12/2012 22:23

I love gorgeous underwear. Would I be pissed if it came from Anne Summers? Yes, I would. I feel it's tawdry and totally not my taste or style. It's scratchy and too Jordan for me. Not saying a DP would have to spend Myla / Coco La Mer prices - M&S would be fine and I'd like the opportunity to dress us when I felt like it. But red and black for eg from AS would go straight in the bin back.

Helltotheno · 14/12/2012 22:24

OP it's not abnormal at all to lose your sex drive after having DC so i'd only be worried about that part if you thought it wasn't coming back.

Maybe he just thinks things are as they were before so now might be the time to have a chat about how you feel.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/12/2012 22:24

My DH used to have a very low sex drive when he was unfit and a little overweight, since he's got fitter, eaten better and lost some weight his sex drive has improved. I'm not saying its the problem or solution for you but it has improved our sex life.

Do you think if you had a couple of no sex night it might help? So you can massage and caress one another, say for half an hour but there is no pressure on you.

I really think you need to tell him how you are feeling about the underwear though. I've got a high sex deprive but would still think that the underwear was thoughtless and more for him than me.

izzyizin · 14/12/2012 23:00

As I have very specific tastes in lingerie for work and play, I'm with shandy on this and AS undies are too tacky for me plus I'd have to burn the bag/box in case the neighbours saw it

AlreadyScone · 14/12/2012 23:03

Anne Summers or other sex-shop lingerie... no. Yuk.

Silk robe, camisole or French knickers? Yes please :)

AlreadyScone · 14/12/2012 23:04

JiltedJohnsJulie I have a high sex deprive too..!

ouryve · 14/12/2012 23:09

No. I prefer something that fits. And DH prefers it off.

Iceaddict · 14/12/2012 23:10

Take it as he fancies you as well as loves you and knows you'll look great in it. welcome hints as to what he likes you in, but if you're not comfortable in whatever it is then don't wear it, it might not even be ott

JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/12/2012 23:11

Sometimes the typos are just more funny.

ZZZenAgain · 14/12/2012 23:13

No, I would't appreciate it

Back2Two · 14/12/2012 23:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

izzyizin · 14/12/2012 23:20

How old is your dd?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/12/2012 23:29

Think that the age of your Lo plays a huge part too. As high as my sex drive is, when you are struggling with sleep deprivation and all the other joys that being a mother brings, sometimes sex can feel like just one thing too many on your to do list.

sparklekitty · 14/12/2012 23:32

Not sure about 'sexy' stuff from Ann summers (there stuff fits me really badly anyway) but I like it when she buys me posh, lovely undies sets, silky, lacy stuff. I understand what you mean about it being pressure to have sex tho

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