Do you like being bought sexy lingerie?

[Priya1978]

My DH has bought me some lingerie from Anne Summers online. It hasn't arrived yet, but he's told me about it. I think he expects me to be pleased -maybe I would have been in the past, but now it just feels like pressure to have sex tbh. Its such a cliche, but the truth is that after I have had my DD, I just have no interest in sex. I don't think I ever will again.

For your sake I hope he's not ordered any numbers from AS's 'Sexy Lingerie' collection which is hideously unflattering and looks as if it's badly made from cheap scratchy net and polyester.

I can't imagine Dita von would be seen dead in the Tease Crotchless Red Short ]

You say he's been "patient", but ordering anne summers for you and telling you doesn't seem it!

Bubble I don't think anyone is saying that the op is forcing her DH to live in a sexless marriage, surely she is just unhappy at the choice of gift and perceived pressure?

Suggesting to a mum with a young baby or child that he can't be expected to put up with the situation for ever is extremely unfair. I'm assuming of course that he loves her and has worked out by now how to relieve his sexual frustration by himself.

I'm also quite sure that suggesting the husband will stray, as though they can't cope with sexual frustration, is something only said to women. Certainly my DH never worried about me straying in our long periods of no sex and nobody suggested that I might. Equally when the DC were young babies, we were both secure enough to know that no sex was temporary and things would change again.

Priya have you spoken to your DH yet?

This Xmas I'd be happy with some.

Last Xmas, I wouldn't have been.

The difference? DS2 is a year older and now a much better sleeper.

I'm sure that the reasons a new mum isn't having loads of sex with her partner don't boil down to not having enough crotchless knickers and nipple tassles.

Have you spoke to your dh about why you don't feel like sex at the moment? Is he doing anything else other than buying tacky underwear for you (and it is debatable whether it is truly for you if it is unsolicited) to help you feel more normal after having a child?

To me it seems more like a sweet but slightly naive act from a man trying to say 'i still see you as a sexual being, I want you to feel sexy again' which actually is really positive. Maybe the underwear isn'tthe right way to make you feel sexy but perhaps you can use it as a chance to explain what would make you feel good, eg massage, cuddles. There is a lot of non sex stuff that will help bring you closer until you feel ready.

No, I like to buy my own underwear and choose what I feel good and sexy in.

If he wanted you to have more sex with him, wouldn't he buy something attractive for himself to wear? To buy you something for you to wear and him to look at, that you don't like, will obviously not work.

No, I'm not dressing up as a tart to indulge any prostitute fantasies DH might have.

As I once pointed out to DH, how wouild he feel if I repeatedly bought him 'sexy' underwear and expected him to parade around like a lap dancer? How comfortable would he feel?

What did he answer, Highlander?

Hell yeah! I'd love it, I spend lots of money on nice/sexy underwear and hope my Dp buys me some for Christmas

op, that would not be preferred present/gift either! but it does show that he thinks about about, cares for you, finds you attractive. i too have a low sex drive and but make an extra effort for dh (he is not aware of that, and it is hard for me). from experience observing friends relationships over many years, when dh has higher drive than partner it can easily end up badly, dh affairs, loss of closeness in relationship, etc., in my experience that is almost 100% the outcome. so you should be happy to get a gift from your dh, but i hope you get something different next time :)

I wouldn't be happy, because it's not really a gift for me, it's a gift for him and the expectation is that it will be put on to be taken straight back off again plus my OH would get me something hideous and tacky from Ann Summers

OP, you haven't said how old your DD is (unless I've missed it) and it is not abnormal to lose your sex drive after having a baby.

I would hate it. ( ex bought me red and black net baby doll nightie and crutch less knickers and an iron for Xmas. It was the final nail in the coffin). I do think your OH is trying to tell you he thinks you are sexy though. Men are hopeless sometimes. Where they get this idea that tacky underwear = feeling sexy I will never know. The same place that they get the idea that sex HAS go last for hours or else it's not good , I guess.

Talk to him and tell him what you want .

Jeez, mummy, those gifts couldn't have made what you meant to him clearer, could they? Hope you brained him with the iron

My dd is 2.6 and despite being in a new ish, happy, loving relationship for the past year, I couldn't give a rats arse about sex most of the time. Fortunately dp doesn't put any pressure on.

Tbh, I have always hated it when ex bought me lingerie.
Mostly because it was bed only, so, not for me but for him.
It doesn't make me feel more sexy, not the crap awful stuff, but objectified. It was as if I was not enough.

Plus he never sexed up for me...

Even worse because he got to know I didn't appreciate it but kept at it.

Lueji that sounds awful. For me, DH asks before he gets me anything, or we choose it together, or I ask him to pick something out (and he keeps the receipt ). So there's not the same sense of pressure that some of you are describing, it's more of a joint thing.

Yick Ann Summers, I'd be really put out tbh. Hate lingerie bouht for me anyway as it never fits/suits etc, just no thanks from me! I suggest you start having sex instead, much simpler and he'll be just as happy! (Bit simplistic, sorry, but worth thinking about. Lots of women get v detached from sex after dc but often I think if you just went with it you'd remember how NICE it is. Might be a owrth a try?)