Why do i feel so calm?

[Canweputthetreeupyet]

Dp walked out yesterday after him losing his car keys and blaming me he trashed my house looking for them (think pat sharps fun house but not so fun) he pulled the the xmas wreath off the door and pissed off in my car ( which he takes when we fall out as he bought it).

But im glad hes gone as i am laid in bed thinking about it all. Heres a list of what hes done in the last 3yrs
Lied, physically assualted me (then blamed me for him doing it), verbally abused me, called me names, shouted and screamed at me, told me hes going to get the dcs taken off me, ripped up my entire wardrobe of clothes, he regularly punches my arms (love taps!) i counted the bruises i have 20, does nothing in the house, lays in bed until i take him tea and toast i then have to lay his clothes out for that day he then goes to work comes home expects tea on the table he eats his tea (i miss mine as im too busy sorting dcs out) he then lays on the sofa watches tv until bedtime, while im doing baths, reading and homework, i then have the kitchen to clean make him a cup of tea before i can sit down, if i drop off on the sofa he throws things at me and tells me im lazy (even though im probably doing 16hr days), he doesnt get up with the baby ever, he tells me im a tramp and the house is a mess, he squirted tomato sauce in my hair, tells the dcs to call me names, he held my head under the bath as a joke, he told me that i need to lose my belly if i want him to take me out over xmas, hes a prick with money, tells me im ungrateful, and that he found me with nothing and thats how hes going to leave me.

Thats all i can think off at the minute, i cant wait for him to pick his stuff up. So me and the dcs can relax and enjoy xmas and look forward to a fresh start. I dont want him back at all, im looking forward to getting a whole new me and outlook on life in the new year, i was that scared of his reaction i have stopped wearing make up and perfume and clothes i like as i didnt want to get accused of dressing up to impress.

Apologies for the essay i just needed to write it all down so i can re read if i have a wobble.

What a wonderful PEACEFUL Christmas Day you are going to have with your dc - it'll be the best you've had for years and the first of many more to come.

But your safety comes before all other considerations and first thing in the morning you should act on Bertie's advice and call your local police on 101.

Ask to be put in touch with their domestic violence unit who can organise changing the locks - and adding/upgrading any that are necessary - at no cost to yourself, as well as flagging your phone number for a rapid response should he threaten/intimidate or otherwise harass you or become violent again.

You CAN do this, honey - thousands of women have done it before you. They're now living free of fear and are longing for you to join them.

www.ncdv.org.uk/

OMG Op . I was in exactly the same place as you 14 years ago. Even down to the holding head under the water in the bath. Do not take him back. I finally called the police and had 'D' P removed.

I went to Uni got a new career, wore makeup and could finally smile again. Even when things are difficult I can say to myself that things are never as bad as when we were together.

Stay strong. You will be so much better on your own.

Your list is truly chilling OP, your safety and that of your kids HAS to take priority over everything. It is hard right now, but it WILL get better if you stay away from him, I swear.

You can do this.

Hi canwe. Well done for deciding enough is enough. You can do the Christmas thing - it's some presents for the children, putting them to bed excited on Christmas eve, cooking a nice roast dinner on Christmas day (the table doesn't have to groan under the weight of food), and having a nice relaxing day hanging out together. You are all the company they need!
You mentioned car insurance - letting a policy lapse doesn't stop you getting insurance in future - policies lapse all the time when people switch insurers, the no claims discount is on the renewal letter and is usually valid for a year. BUT the registered keeper (is the car in your
name?) legally has to ensure the car is insured, so that's something you'll need to think about if it's your name on the logbook. If it's not, then it's totally not your problem!

Hi Canwe, how are you today?

You can definitely do christmas yourself. Get some frozen bits to take the stress out of having to cook the whole thing, find out what christmas films they are showing on the telly, drink some sherry

Get the Christmas shop delivered to make things that little bit easier, even if you CAN do it, getting someone else to saves a load a hassle.

Christmas on your own with the kids is a piece of cake..really, it is.

Hi im fine thanks soooo much to do so little time. Not heard a thing from him apart from my car getting delivered back and the keys posted, the car is in my name so i texed saying if it wasnt returned i was reporting it as stolen.

Cant get the food shop deliverd as no slots left that suited me, but dd nursery arnt full this week so she can have an extra session for free so that frees up another morning to food shop.

Do you know what op, you sound like my friend. Infact if it wasn't for the fact your dh works & owns a car, she could have written this herself.

I'm not surprised you feel calm tbh.
He sounds awful, i bet it will be a relief when he is gone!

My friend is going through exactly the same as you & has a newbaby & 3 more dcs, her dp does nothing, he is lazy and she also brings him tea in bed! She is a mess, heartbroken she is and she's not had 5 mins rest since baby was born 5 days ago, wish i could help her but i have 4 dcs of my own.

You are better off without him op

pumpkins thats awful at least i got a bit of a break when he was at work. I think thats what helped me realise i looked foward to him not bein in an being able to relax a little. Now im worrying but its small things that im worrying over like xmas lunch . Hes gone and hes staying gone im upset that the dcs have been through this again. But i am determained this time to live a life and not just exist.

Hi Canwe

I hope your week's going ok so far. So you've sorted out the car and you've made some time for food shopping - you're sounding very together - stay strong for your lovely DCs (hug).

Shit week so far and its only tuesday i used to love this time of year but tbh its shit at the minute. I could cry i just cant get my head around anything. Ive got loads to get on with but no time or energy. Its all xmas parties, plays and the dcs carol service. The house is a mess i cant in top of it. Still got pressies to wrap and buy. Aaaaaarghhh

Keep your head up girl. you're doing really well. I am so glad that you have been able to get away from this awful person.

Tough time of the year for lots of reasons. The kids will be happy with whatever you produce on xmas day. It's so much better for them to have a nice calm house and not-fearful Mum for the first time. Have a glass of wine or similar if it helps. I find breaking the jobs down in a list for each day left to go helps. Sending you lots of strength.

You know what, Canwe? No-one expects you to be wonderwoman... just do what you can do, your kids will have a lovely day with you, you'll be looking after them and anything else that doesn't get done can wait - people will understand. Its always a panic at this time of year but hopefully everything will be fine. Look after yourself, have a hot bubbly bath, and make this a special Xmas for you, one without your nasty XP in the picture.

Canwe...if it makes you feel better....your house sounds like my house, and it's Friday...yikes. I've been on my own for a year now...moor chaos this year but a much, much happier place to be.
for you