Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How often does your bf ring you/text you?

53 replies

charlottesmum5 · 10/12/2012 22:29

Been seeing this guy about 3 months now, although only see each other at weekends due to me having childcare/work commitments in the week, plus he said he likes to be in bed by 9pm midweek (he gets up at 7.15am). Anyhoo, he never texts me out of the blue in the week, even to say hello and at most he will ring once. I've stopped staying over on a Saturday night because to be honest he's a bit of a 'mauler' (I talked to him about it). AIBU to expect some mid week interaction from him? I text him every other day to say hello etc and I'll get a reply but he never initiates. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
charlottesmum5 · 10/12/2012 23:19

Do you think it would be unreasonable to text or should I ring or go and see him? I don't want to look like a coward Sad

OP posts:
WeezyPeezy · 10/12/2012 23:19

OP how dare he!! I am so Angry that he did that to you. He is dangerous and a total creep who has no regard for the pain and suffering you went through. You deserve so much better and he needs locked up so he can never do this to another woman!! I'm sorry to disregard your original question but if IMO if you never heard from him again it's be a Godsend. You sound lovely, please treat yourself with the respect you deserve. And unmumsnetty hugs for your trauma. Sad xxx

squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 23:20

No no no no...

Dont ring him. Dont even text him unless it is to say you wish to have no further contact.

You do not owe him anything!!!

And you are not being a coward either. Dont think that for one moment.

Do you have any daughters? What would you think if your daughter was with a man who had behaved in this way?

OhWesternWind · 10/12/2012 23:22

Don't go and see him. Stay right away. Text him if you have to, but from what you said in your op, just don't contact him and he probably won't contact you. Delete his number.

Angry is good. Angry is strong and powerful. Have a think about calling Rape Crisis to talk through some of these things with someone who'll understand.

PigletJohn · 10/12/2012 23:24

FFS

dump now.

don't go there, who knows what he might do?

Like OhWW says.

Original poster
charlottesmum5 · 10/12/2012 23:25

Thanks ladies you are very kind. I think I should have gone with my original instinct.....after our very first date I didn't hear from him for 3/4 days so I text him "hello how are you?" and he sent me a cutting one back..."I'll ring you Thursday at 7pm".... with no kiss, or how are you or anything Sad anyway you've all reassured me that its him, not me, so I will think about my next step.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 23:26

please listen to us.. it definitely isnt you at all.. always listen to your original instincts.. they are almost always spot on.. even if it doesnt show up for a while.

This one has shown his true colours early on, so look on that as a blessing that you hadnt moved in together or married him!

Original poster
charlottesmum5 · 10/12/2012 23:27

I have 3 daughters. It's not as easy as deleting him from phone etc as I've known him for 30 years through a mutual sport. We have at least ten mutual friends too.

OP posts:
milkwagon · 10/12/2012 23:28

Really, what do you need to think about? For goodness sake - he sexually assaulted you. You need support and if necessary report him to police. You know this though, right?

FBworry · 10/12/2012 23:30

You don't have to ever see him again, mutual friends or not.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 23:31

Dont delete him then (at least that way you can screen the calls), but please dont continue any sort of relationship with him.

The mutual friends are probably not aware of his nasty side unless they have had a sexual relationship with him.

Please dont think up excuses as to why you should feel guilty about dumping him..

pictish · 10/12/2012 23:34

Sweetheart, with all the best will in the world, you do not continue to date someone who raped you, because it will make things less awkward with mutual friends. Let's have some clarity here...he has got to be history. xxx

Original poster
charlottesmum5 · 10/12/2012 23:37

The mutual friends have no idea. He said he will call me Saturday at 5.30pm (I'm out with some girl friends that night) so shall I wait til then? I think I'd rather finish it sooner rather than later so Im not stressing all week.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 23:44

Yes, just text him tomorrow. Say something short and to the point that makes it crystal clear.

"sorry xxx, have decided that it isnt working out."... and then do not reply no matter what. he will soon get the message.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2012 23:44

xxx being his name obviously, not kisses!!

pictish · 10/12/2012 23:47

No time like the present.
Seriously, nothing good can come from a realtionship with a man who responds to your upset over his sexual assault, with 'sorry you feel that way'.

Confused

Do not see him again.

PigletJohn · 10/12/2012 23:51

The mutual friends may have an inkling that he has been single for 6 years and is now single again, so perhaps there is a reason.

OhWesternWind · 11/12/2012 08:52

Hope you text him today. Good luck.

SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo · 11/12/2012 09:04

I have just read this and wanted to say get the fuck out of his life now!

That isn't mauling, that is rape! Don't even contact him. If he tries contacting you ignore it.

He is a cunt. Plain and simple. You deserve a lot better then that and you will find it.

HettySunshine · 11/12/2012 09:09

This man is horrid and you sound lovely. Be brave and end if. If he could do that to you after just a few weeks imagine what he could be like in a couple years.

There is someone wonderful out there for you who knows how to put a x on the end of a text message and can't wait to ask you about your day, every day!

Please think about speaking to a counsellor if rape crisis about what happened as well, and I'm afraid getting tested as well if he didn't use a condom.

Big hugs xxx

fortyplus · 14/12/2012 12:48

charlottesmum5 - how's things? Xmas Smile

Original poster
charlottesmum5 · 26/12/2012 00:31

just to update, I haven't seen this guy since before my original posting. He has rung me a couple of times asking me to meet him but I have been ill. He has given me a hard time about that which has confirmed in my mind also that he's not really in to me. He didn't ring today (Christmas day) despite saying that he would. Not even to see how I was!!!

OP posts:
joblot · 26/12/2012 08:12

Well rid, uncaring oaf. Hope you're feeling better

Offred · 26/12/2012 09:05

Charlottesmum - Sad please consider reporting him to the police, especially if you have to socialise with him, it sounds as if he is quite dangerous.

Also, please contact rape crisis it sounds as if your previous relationship was sexually abusive and you have been conditioned to associate sexual abuse with love.Sad

OhEmGee25 · 26/12/2012 09:08

My bf and I have been together nearly a year, lived together for a month so far. Not a day has gone with no texts or calls since our first date. Even when he's been away on business in Singapore and we've had to deal with time differences.

Doesn't sound like this "bf" of yours is a keeper.