My mother just my pregnancy is not important, any monkey can get pregnant and that she hopes I would miscarry.

[LoveYouForeverMyBaby]

This was about half an hour ago....I can't stop crying and walking around the house lost. Please help me.

There's more going on here, isn't there?

Congratulations on your pregnancy, BTW.

Your mother is a first class bitch and I would never speak to her again. What brought this on, not that anything could justify saying something so vile! Hope you are ok, here is my hand to hold.

Congratulations!

You mum sounds absolutely awful. I have a toxic mother as well and it's very difficult to break the feelings of despair when they behave like that.

What is the back story here ?

It a really horrible thing to say, and I'm guessing its not the first time she has said things like that. You need to realise that normal people don't think those sorts of things, never mind say them so its not you, it's her. There is nothing that you can do to change this, the only thing you can do is detach, so it doesnt hurt you so much. There will be lots of posters with wiser words and better advice than me along any minute.

I'm sorry to say this, but your 'mother' is a bitch. What has brought this on? Or is she always that toxic and nasty.

I've had an MC and I would not wish that on my worst enemy let alone my own daughter!

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

That is a truly awful thing for anyone to say, but doubly worse that it was your mum.
I have no idea of the background to this, but do you have a DP or a good friend in RL who can come and give you a hug?

when you are a mum, you'll see how wrong, and how poisonous she is.

if this were a 'friend' you'd dump their sorry arse wouldn't you?

a friend owes you nothing really, your family does.... so what she said and did is more unacceptable.

cut her out of your live, forever. i promise, in time, you'll bee stronger and happier than ever before.

come join us on stately homes thread, we know how you're feeling, and I'll bet thatthis is the tip of an immense iceberg, isn't it?

Game Over Toxic Mother, we'll take it from here. stand well back, cos your DD and grandchild are gonna soar....

Are you still living with her OP? What does the father say? And what about your father? Have you got anyone you can be with?

We had a great relationship but recently it's started to go downhill - since dd came along (1) she thinks I'm a terrible daughter and sister, and tends to pit my sister and I against each other. I' m happily married nd my mother and sister are divorced, she deems me "smug" because of this. I'm not. Dh and I have had our fair share of arguments, heartaches - redundancy, previous miscarriage etc. have always been there for my family when they needed me - she has lived with us when she had no where else to go, but its getting worse.

We argued this morning and she said that. I found I was was pg yesterday. I am shocked...stunned. She has never been this nasty before.

I don't think we can recover from this, she's bought my family into it, saying my dd was spoilt (she's 1 and very kind and sweet, always cuddling) and now that my pg would miscarry knowing I'Ve miscarried before.

How can we recover from this?

No we don't live together dame but do see each other a lot.....although recently this has lessened.

you can't. just leave her to it. you have your own life, she's clearly jealous, resentful and hates your happiness.

when you're out of her clutches, you'll see that actually, the relationship was fine, cos it was on her terms. now you have your own life, she's lost her control of you.

its not going to get any better.

its also actually impossible to have a spoilt 1yr old.

That's what I think hissletoe, she thinks she's spoilt because she protests when having her nappy changed and cries when she wants to touch things she's not allowed (like cables etc). I told her that's normal.

I don't think I could ever get over her wishing another miscarriage on me. She seems to think this pregnancy doesn't count because dd is only 1, but we both work full time and support ourselves, so why can't we have another one?

Thank you for your post earlier hisstletoe I will join the thread you mentioned. I feel so hurt. I even named my daughter after her......she was so poisonous to me and its been getting worse over the past year.

I'm so sorry. I don't have any experience of an awful parent like his but I cannot think of anything worse to hear from your own mother. Hugs.

You've done nothing wrong here. I'd think carefully whether you want this woman in your life.

I agree with lego.

This woman needs booting out of your life.

She has no god given right to be in it and someone who can wish your baby dead needs to be someone you have nothing to do with.

Congratulations on your pg

You can reclaim back control of your life by no longer allowing your mother to have any role within it.

It is not your fault she is like this, you did not make her this way. Her own birth family did that particular lot of harm to her.

I note your parents are divorced, is your Dad still around?.

Many toxic parents like your mother show their true colours when their own offspring become parents themselves. I would guess that your relationship with your mother was okay primarily because it was all on her terms and thus very unequal.

The stately homes thread is also for you, do post on it and read the resources at the beginning of that thread.

What an awful thing to say to you, you poor thing.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! With just finding that out and then your mum saying this it's a lot to take in at once. Maybe take a few days of no contact with her before even trying to decide what you might want to do about any future relationship with her? Try to push her out of your thoughts and focus on your lovely news (easier said than done I know).

You can call your DD by her middle name as a day to day, if that'd make you feel better.

We're ALL outraged on your behalf, that should tell you how against normality her behaviour is. Please detach from this dreadful woman, and trust those that support you 100%.

Yes it's hard, these buggers put up a fight too, but with us on your side, we'll help you navigate your way through this and away from the paralysing childhood fear that doing the right thing now is going to kick up. Just cos it's hard, doesn't mean it's not essential to YOUR well-being, and that of your family too.

Start today, cancel any Christmas plans with her in them.

Wow. Nothing you've said suggests that she's someone you need in your life at still.

Check out the stately homes threads, and see if you can plan an effective escape from her influence, with no regrets, just focusing on your own loving family. Good luck.

If a friend said that to you, no doubt you would dump them, right? Why is your mum so different?

What a horrible thing to say to you! I don't think I could forgive that & I agree that you need to decide if you can.

Good Luck with whatever you do.

a) your DD is young enough for you to start using her middle name as her first and her to accept it. Talk to your DH about this and see what you think

b) can you ever imagine being jealous of your DD? because it sounds like your mother is jealous of you and trying ot make you feel shit so she feels better about her life, normal mothers are happy when their DCs lives are going well.

I would cut her out for a while. Focus on your DD and your DH. If she wants to be part of your life, she can be but needs to treat you all well.

When i announced my first pregnancy (28 years ago) to my mother, her reply was "i don't know why you haven't got rid of it yet".

She also played me and my sister against each other, aa well as lots of other issues, all to try to make me understand that i was less than her.

I kept contact and it destroyed my self esteem and confidence ( i thought that the reason she didn't love me as other mothers did their DD's, was a fault in me). Luckily my DH got a job out of the area. The distance made her realise what she was missing out on (i have 3 DD's). My mother loves my last DD because she is the image of her.

The distance helped me to be able to stand up to her when we were together. Motherhood (and getting older) made me realise that the problem was her, not me.

I put bounderies in place and challanged her on every comment. We now have a relationship, i am her carer.

She won't ever be the mum that i wanted (or deserved) but i have come to pity her that she doesn't have with me what i have with my DD's. She doesn't fell the joys of life that others do.

The only way is to stand firm. You may not be able to change her, but you can insist that she changes her behaviour towards you.

My mother was disgusted when I told her I was pregnant with DC 1 despite me being 28 in a professional job, been with DP about 9 years, having our own home etc.

I got pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 9 months, OMG you should have seen her face when I told her, she said "well that must have Bernard mistake" I said no we were ttc, "well I'll tell everyone it was a mistake" she would then tell everyone whilst I was present in third person "she's pregnant again, can you believe it, I'm just worried she won't be able to cope and I'll have to step in" she did nothing for us. I had a mc after DC2, she accused me of giving up on the baby and not wanting it after I had been told there was little hope but they had to wait a week to check "you know you can have small babies, I'll keep hoping for this baby even if you wont" stupid bloody woman I should have been 10 weeks, had an abnormal sac and a barely 6 week baby. Then she said it was for the best as 3DC would have been too expensive. I was pregnant again the next month again she was horrified as she had told everyone we had to wait a year! Told me I was stupid having another baby, totally ignored DD3 as she was a DD and only real women can have boys apparently.

After all that I decided to make as much effort as she did, never spoke to her for months, she sent me a letter saying everything was my fault and that even as a small child I made her feel she was beneath me. I think there's a weird jealousy thing going on, the only thing she's ever done with her life is have 2 children do she's an expert on children, when I had 3 I bettered her :S somehow.

Ive not seen her in 4 years, I've since had a DS whom she has never met, I don't miss her but I miss having a Mum like my friends have.

Sorry to make this do long but I guess your Mum is also jealous of your little family and is trying to bring you down too. Take some time and space away from her to see how you feel.