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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MEN!!

37 replies

Jewson · 07/12/2012 12:18

I was with my husband in tesco the other dy and right I front of me he clearly checked out some girls arse! I looked at him with the look an he still looked at her! I said later on about it and he said "at least I'm not hiding the fact that I was looking at her" wtf? Nxt time I c a man I feel like clearly checking him out in front of my husband to see how he likes it.

OP posts:
CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 07/12/2012 12:22

I'm sorry you're so insecure in your relationship....

MrsDeterminedandSpecialMum · 07/12/2012 12:25

We have a look but no touch policy in our marriage and we have a laugh about it. Sorry you feel so insecure :(

ClippedPhoenix · 07/12/2012 12:25

Have to say if i saw a bloke with a nice pert bum in front of me i'd have a look. DP would laugh.

moomoo1967 · 07/12/2012 12:26

It doesn't bother me if the bloke looks at other women, he is after all coming home with me and vice versa

NagooHoHoHo · 07/12/2012 12:27

online shopping.

TheSecretSantaDNCOP · 07/12/2012 12:29

Also, have you tried not using text speak? That might be a divisive feature in your relationship.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 07/12/2012 12:29

I look at other women in front of my husband too.

Occasionally men, but generally women make more of a effort to look good.

Original poster
Jewson · 07/12/2012 12:31

What I fail to mention is that he has said to me if u look ur thinking about it and to him that's cheating and my title MEN!! Is referring to how it's one rule for them and another for women

OP posts:
SnowWide · 07/12/2012 12:32

Its not about insecurity. Its actually about respect. I empathise with Jewson. It puts my hackles up when my husband does this. When you are with your other half, you show some basic courtesy by not leching after other women.

Yeah, yeah men are sexual animals, they have this instinct yada yada, but you can control that impulse, you know. That's why you are a human, not a horse...

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 07/12/2012 12:33

BTW.... Since you were at Tesco when he was 'checking out' the arse did he put it over the scanner ..... 'blip!'?

Kaluki · 07/12/2012 12:33

He sounds lovely Hmm
It doesn't have to be one rule for him and one for you. Who makes the bloody rules anyway?
If it really bothers you then have it out with him - he shouldn't be eyeing up other women unless he is OK with you doing the same.
Or are there bigger issues here?

Original poster
Jewson · 07/12/2012 12:33

Txt spk Sz is ths nt mkin snse 2u wz just a fw shrtnd wrds in op

OP posts:
CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 07/12/2012 12:34

"if u look ur thinking about it "

So you seriously want to control what/who he looks at or what he thinks about? Hmm Have you ever read George Orwell's '1984'?

izzyizin · 07/12/2012 12:35

How does that work? Surely it's only one rule for him and another for you if you sign up to his peculiar notion of how it should be?

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 12:37

oh ffs

AbigailAdams · 07/12/2012 12:37

He said that to her Cogito. So clearly he wants to control her.

SnowWide · 07/12/2012 12:37

Cogito, you are making too big a leap. Its not mind control.

But according to Jewson's spouse, if you are checking out an arse, you are not just admiring it. You are actually thinking of fondling it or DOING something. And that is cheating in Jewson's mind.

I think thats where the OP is coming from...

Original poster
Jewson · 07/12/2012 12:38

He ignored me for a whole yr last year wen I was pregnant and had the baby and I almost left him but we talked and worked things out and he was treated for depression

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 07/12/2012 12:39

It pisses me off when my husband does it too and I pretend to sulk but I don't really mind deep down.

SugaricePlumFairy · 07/12/2012 12:39

Are you concerned about your relationship OP?

NagooHoHoHo · 07/12/2012 12:40

OP I'm sure he'd be fine with you eyeing up as many women's arses as you like.

Original poster
Jewson · 07/12/2012 12:40

And it was my husband who said to me if your looking your thinking about it not me to him

OP posts:
AbigailAdams · 07/12/2012 12:41

Oh FFS LTB. Really he is awful. What are you getting out of this? Depression doesn't cause you to ignore someone for a year. Being abusive does.

The whole looking at someone's arese really pales into insignificance compared to the rest of what you just said. He has no respect for you or other women and he never will. Bin, bin, bin.

FBworry · 07/12/2012 12:41

It is NOT insecure to expect your supposedly loving partner not to gawk openly over other women. Its hardly the landmark pinnacle of cherishing and romancing behaviour your dream of is it?

It is about wanting respect and not to feel humiliated.

Wants done is done though op. Tell him its just not on and you don't appreciate this type of behaviour.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 07/12/2012 12:44

"He ignored me for a whole yr last year wen I was pregnant and had the baby and I almost left him but we talked and worked things out and he was treated for depression "

So.... and you're drip-feeding.... he's generally a miserable knob and this is just the tip of the ice-berg? In a normal, healthy relationship I think partners can 'check out' other people and not feel insulted or threatened in the slightet. But if things are already crap, I can understand why this would make you feel worse.

Made a mistake not leaving, didn't you?