Worries about DH Christmas party - Advice please

[k4mi]

Hi,

I know this is in comparison to most of these threads small fry but am really just after some advice/positive words!

Since the birth of our DD1 I have felt less attractive, interesting and basically confident about myself as anything other than a mum. I am trying to address this at the moment (just started some counselling and am looking/interviewing for jobs) but It has in the last few weeks been v tough. I had to have an operation on my cervix (nice) and have been bleeding pretty much non stop for 6 weeks which is annoying (and means no sex which makes me feel worse!). On top of that we've had endless colds and tummy bugs blah blah blah. Anyway because of this DH and I haven't spent much fun quality time together. It's been a hard slog although not been arguing or anything.

This weekend is his office Xmas party. It's a weekend away. I suddenly feel totally insecure about us and that he's going to start an affair with someone at work. Clearly he could do this at any time he wanted but for some reason because I know I won't see him for 48 hrs and I'll be home 'holding the baby' once again it's got my back up. He is a brilliant dad, can not fault him and mostly a good partner to me but sometimes I feel like we need to get some spark back. I think this is probably normal after a baby but I am becoming increasingly insecure and know that even though I don't want to I am starting to take it our on him. Last weekend I got upset as he said the whole weekend is just a big drunken thing which p*ssed me off as I feel upset he'd rather do that (with a lot of people he doesn't seem to interested in) than spend the weekend taking care of us when we have had a very tough few weeks. Saying that he works hard and I can see that the weekend will be fun and he will have no crying baby to get up for.

Can someone please tell me how they deal with situations like this? Ever felt you have lost your confidence/independence post baby? I used to be so different but now worry I have turned into a boring nagging mum.

HELP.

Op, don't have anything helpful to say really but your post has really spoken to me today. my oH has two Christmas parties, one was Weds and he was steaming drunk at the end of it (so I got no help that evening, through the night - ds 10mo still wakes 3 or 4 times a night, and wants bfing, the only way to cut down the feeds is if oh settles him, if I try he just wants milk. So with oh in bed drunk/hungover I was bfing our 10mo four times in the night! Argh! Sore boobs as well as knackered. also then no help in the morning with breakfast etc) and the next party is tonight so am expecting the same thing again tonight/tomorrow. I thought last night he would at least make the dinner (I do all the cooking normally) or offer to bath ds while I had a bit of time off, but no jo whatsoever even when I said this was what I ws hoping for.
It does help that as I'm still bfing, there won't be any parties, nights out etc for me for a while. Let alone getting pissed! I do have mum friends but haven't seen them for ages because ds has had a virus for the last 5 weeks and I don't want to pass it to their babies. (I've had it too so am feeling really shitty anyway).
In some ways it isn't that I need oh's help so much, it's that I miss him and don't feel like he misses me :-(

Sorry for woefully non-constructive post but it feels better to have got it off my chest!!

Ah monkey mamma I feel the same about how you miss them (or just adult company!!) and they don't you so much. It's rubbish. I feel sorry for you still breast feeding (altho is the best thing!) but I know it restricts things even more. I don't have that problem and should count myself lucky to only be up once or twice but it still sucks! Can you ask him to get less drunk tonight or is that a no go?

Morriszapp you are well smart

He might have to go for networking reasons, to show willing, all sorts of stuff even if he is planning to leave, - he might still need the contacts or the other job might not be in the bag. I'm sure other the wives aren't so happy either. I'm quite surprised it doesn't include partners though, as it's a weekend. Do you know any of them? Pity the company doesn't think about the women/ men supporting them all year.

I agree with laqueen and others, my dh has things like this all the time and although I love being a sahm I have to make an effort for me. I love being at home and with the dc but I have to get out a bit. This is making him wobble slightly and fuss about babysitters/ money etc ( he works most evenings) so not before time. Maybe I will have my own thread soon:)

La queen has the answer.

It's not exactly a family friendly company he works for, is it? How many people could go off for a weekend like that? It's hardly something a lot of women with children could do. And if someone had a reputation for affairs, a weekend like that would be a nightmare for their partner.