Ian, I know you mean well, but have left a very controlling relationship, which became abusive, I think there are a couple of misconceptions in your post.
My ex does not realise there was anything wrong in his behaviour, in fact, he is continuing the manipulation and control from a distance and uses dc to do so.
Secondly, he has not escaped the heat in the kitchen, he created it.
I agree that families need fathers, but I would entirely prefer to facilitate his contact with dc, whilst minimising any and all opportunities to harrass, control or emotionally manipulate me. These are not compatible objectives, but I am doing my best. However,I find it upsetting and disingenuous to suggest that, having ended an abusive marriage, I will find a contrite, supportive man to co-parent with. That utterly minimises the damage done to me and my dc, and my situation was nowhere near as bad as some of the ladies on here. Even if he did suddenly turn contrite and loving and supportive, it will be a long time before the very physical feeling of anxiety which his presence triggers leaves me.
And I realise this is off the point of the thread, so am going to leave it. But please, please think about the effect of your words triggering upset among ladies who are on here looking for support.