How do single mums with multiple kids find new partners?

[twosquared]

I have four kids under seven and feel like I am doomed to ever be in a relationship again. Would love to hear how others have managed to find someone great?

I do understand that sort of view Dryjuice but watching DP encouraging my DD to do stuff, coaching her with sport and attending her school plays ( big no no...I gather, but her dad won't ) is really heart warming. He is a great parent to his own DC (much older) and is just behaving the same with mine. My DD is benefiting from a good parent even though its not her own.

I often wonder if people think its either odd or inappropriate but tbh whist I consider the reasons for that concern I am so enjoying seeing her have a 2nd parental role in her life. Her dad acts like an uncle.

I can't imagine any other man in my DCs lives.... But then I couldn't before DP. It has been a long time evolving though.

/that's lovely cabbageleaves, the man i saw had children only two years only than mine, in stead of 10 and eight like mine say his were 12 and 10 so i guess he'd no inclination to step up to the role of playing daddy not just again but simultaneously! i get it. but I felt a bit let down at the same time. ah well, i have a lot of practical stuff i need to sort out before i can eventhink about men again tbh.

I have no doubt that DP is a bit special but I think his commitment to fatherhood was part of his attraction. His DC are 10yrs older than my youngest and I'm well aware that living as a blended family would not work without huge compromise and work

Another reason to get back into the dating "game" again (and I agree about not having a stream of men traipsing through the house) is because you are showing your DCs that yes, a relationship can end but yes, you can find love again too.....

I am a single parent to a 9 and 10 year old and have been for 8 years.Was resolutely single for 5 years didn't want to meet anyone and me and the kids had a blast.
Over the past2/3 years I have dated ,have discovered that I don't want to live with or have a marital type relationship with a man,and definitely no more children.
However I do enjoy their company.To be honest being a single parent hasn't figured ,perhaps because I am very clear about the relationship I am looking for.It works for me,so perhaps consider what you would like from a relationship and go from there.

Different spin ..

I've been a single mum to 3 teenagers for the past 5 years, have internet dated but only introduced one man to my kids 3-4 years ago. However, recently decided introducing them to new guy would be a good idea so it doesn't appear to be a major issue, ie I'm not looking to move in together, get married (at all) etc any time soon. We've been seeing each other for 4 months, I've met his DS, he's met mine. He often comes here as I can't leave my DD on her own. I had no intention of having a long line of men traipsing through the house, but he's lovely, relaxed, laid-back and affectionate (so unlike my ex) and they all get on well. When we met he told me his DS comes first before I even had a chance to get a word in .... so we are absolutely on the same page, even if he does have to put up with me stressing about my DCs day in, day out.

I agree about DCs realising that you can move on, find someone caring, loving etc and that divorce isn't the end of the world. Seeing the raised eyebrows when we have our arms round each other is too.

Oh god - the thought of never being in a relationship for the sake of the children is so depressing.

Life is never that black and white. Waiting a year before introductions? Surely it can't be so prescriptive.

I want to have fun; adult company goddamit even have sex. Come 7pm my children are asleep - they're also at their Dad's 2 nights each week. I have needs and I think I have a right to exercise those needs.

I agree that introductions should be carefully thought about and handled sensitively but there are enough 2nd marriages around to show that it doesn't have to be over after the first attempt.

I only have one dd but she was only a tot when I started dating so challenging in its own way. I started online dating in January and my mum and sister babysat initially. First date with my now bf was end of jan and we now live together. Flame me or not but he met dd when we'd been together a matter of weeks, she was 20months then and he has been a constant, loving figure in her life everyday since and they adore each other.

Congratulations!

Adverse, I was thinking before I even clicked on the post 'I bet she was a good looking woman'. Sorry if that sounds too cynical. a male relative of mine married a woman with four children. She was a former miss [her country of origin]

I had two under 4 when I became single. Took me a few years to find new DP, though dated quite a few men in that time and had a few short-term relationships, which were good fun and largely didn't affect my DCs.

Now living with lovely DP. He has 4 DCs who we have every weekend, and all going well so far. I did make good use of the time when DCs went to their dad's to get out and meet people. If you don't get any time without them, you'd need a reliable babysitter or else to be rather lucky with stumbling across someone in the course of your life with DCs in tow.

Being financially independent was important to me - I got a mortgage and bought my own house shortly after becoming a single parent, as I think asking someone to take on supporting your DCs would be a bit hard.

i began to grudge what i was spending on babysitters with the man i was seeing recently. a nice man though he definitely was. i guess it speeded up that realisation that it wasn't 'the one' for me, or even one of the ones, or even, I don't know.......... I'm not that romantic but I do want somebody who is at least as good company as my female friends ARE. so, the money thing sounds dreadful especially as he paid for everything when we went out because he was so thoughtful and knew i was paying a babysitter. but still.

Oh god. I am going to be alone FOREVER. I don't mind massively, strangely enough. But I would just like to have lovely long conversations with someone smart, who thinks I'm not ugly, who I hold in high regard.

met mine online, i was single for two years. i specifically looked for some one with kids as i didnt want any more and some one my age would probably want kids at some point. i was very picky and only meet 2 guys. one was lovely but so wrong for me and then him we chatted on line for about a month, then met and we were both very cool just looking for like minded people that want chilled out fun. with in a month we were hooked, a baby and moving in later still all good and very happy 2 years later.

also agree that that it is very depressing saying concentrate on your children, all single mums concentrate on their children does not mean they should not be allowed to find happiness else where as well, children are not children forever.
i would say if it is a fresh break up then give yourself some time to relax get use to your own company and liking yourself because if you like you others will to. enjoy being single as much as possible because when you do meet someone bringing them into your life will be a sacrifice of your singledom and you know if you really want to do it then you have found someone worth doing it for.

Another lone parent, left stbxh a year and a half ago, I also have four kids under eight. I was with someone for nearly a year, knew him online. Then current man, I met when I started college. Just because you have four kids doesn't mean noone will want to be with you.

I met my now partner a few years ago. I had one DS of 12, he had 3 of various ages. He met my DS after about 3 months, you can have a "friend" round for dinner now and again you know, people don't have to end up in bed together. I met his after about 6 months.

To say a year, whilst I'm sure would be the correct way to go, I don't however think it's realistic.

I've had a bf for 7 months. DC met him about a month ago but he hasn't stayed the night here when they've been here. They've known about him for longer than that - they seem fine with the fact that Daddy has a girlfriend and Mummy has a boyfriend. I think that for me waiting a year would have been a long time although appreciate it works for some people. I definitely wouldn't have a stream of men passing through and I doubt most people would tbh.

I think I made a conscious decision to put my head down and save for five years. I made it to 4 years and 8 months before I met somebody and sure enough, he messed up my credible and austere five year recovery plan! :p :p

It's usually far harder for the woman to keep a relationship away from their doorsteps due to usually being more or less sole carer. My DP has always been with me (his dad only sees him a few times a year). Whilst my son hasn't had lots of "uncles" over the years he has known me to have men friends and the odd boyfriend and yes dare I say it, one or two who have stayed over on occasion.

DS i meant of course

I'm also a lone parent with one ten year old, easy to get babysitter, but who actually gives invitations to single mums? people seem to assume I wont be able to go out, or they are busy with their own partners, so other than online dating it's hard to even visualise being somewhere where I could actually meet people, do other single mums find they regulary get invitations from their friends to go to social events?