Husband searching the Internet for naked women.

[softhoney]

I've recently had dc4 (8 weeks) and have found out that my dh has been looking at naked girls etc on the Internet again. He knows that it really upsets me and had promised he would stop.

I just feel he has shown me little respect given that I have carried our baby for nine months, had a traumatic birth and coping with the demands of a young baby. So while I've been dealing with tiredness, milky boobs and saggy tummy he has been ogling girls half his age on the Internet. I know that some women do not mind their husbands viewing this stuff, but it upsets me greatly and my husband knows this.

He has a habit of being secretive and although he s a great husband in many ways, I am dismayed that he has been so insensitive and disrespectful when I am at my most vulnerable. I really don't know what to do, he obviously can't stop it (he says he doesn't do it that often?) but I find what he says difficult to believe. I just feel miserable at the thought of him getting off over these women and that I shouldn't have to put up with it. What do you think?

I think the porn is irrelevant, the issue is his total disregard of your feelings. You have expressed your discomfort, he said he wouldn't do, and lo and behold he has done it again. It would be different if he had refused to stop, but he lulled you into a false sense of security.

Have you confronted him?

Thank you Puds. I have confronted him, he has apologised and is genuinely upset. But we have been here many times before, where he s remorseful, promises it will stop and then 6 months later I find he has been doing it again. He only ever admits it when he gets caught. He has admitted he even does it at work on his laptop, claiming he just searches for girls in bikinis when he is bored. Would you believe this?

It is just upsetting that while I have been coping at home he is ogling girls probably not much older then our dc1.

He slept on the sofa last night and has a woeful look about him. But I cannot carry on putting up with it and when I feel it is damaging to our marriage.

Thats odd saying he does it at work. Why would you do that?

Ask him how he would like it if you started looking at naked men online.

I think its very cruel of him to do this to you at such a vulnerable time.

I'm sorry your feeling do down!

He does it at work so I won't catch him out as I have no access to his work computer.

Would his employer be happy that he is doing it at work?

Probably not. It will be on his work laptop.

He must be absolutely mad looking at images like that at work. Is he completely stupid?

The images he looks at are on his work laptop, so he permanently has it. I don't think it's hardcore just topless girls etc.

How do you know he's been looking iif it's on his work laptop?

I have to say, most employers run internet reports of sites used.

It's in the opening post, Ophelia.

"He has admitted he even does it at work on his laptop"

It's not just looking at it at work that's the problem, OP. He's wasting work time and there might well be the implication that he's masturbating at work. He really must be mad to do that.

If his work finds out, he'll be in huge trouble.

When you say looking at naked women... Are they just naked or is it porn?

His work will know. Someone like me will know already that the amount of sites classed as Lingerie and Beachwear and Shopping are not entirely honest use of the Internet. He cannot be buying presents for female relatives to justify the amount of surfing he does on these sites. I can run reports which show the difference between active surfing and leaving a browser window open. Heck, i can run reports that show the actual jpg looked at. They are very detailed and I've heard all the same excuses. Looking for a new swimsuit as a surprise for the wife wears thin when faced with all the different evidence and the amount of time spent. It's a matter of time. It's only ever a matter of time. Sorry.

Look, you can't control him and looking at naked women is not a crime in itself. If there's other problems you need to address them but right now I would focus on your baby and enjoying the next few months then see how you feel.

Having a new baby is tough enough. Focus on your baby, they need you right now and you need them. This other stuff can wait.

I'm not concerned re him getting caught at work. He is the only one who uses his laptop and no one else does. I am not concerned with that issue. The worst he would prob get is a slap on the wrist.

Looking at naked women is not a crime, but it upsets me and my husband knows this. Surely my feelings should come above his need for ogling naked women? Especially when I've just had a baby? He is an adoring husband, but how can he be when he surfs the internet for pictures? He's sleeping downstairs again tonight. It may seem trivial, but we have been together since we were 17 and so find it difficult to accept him ogling young girls. I feel like I don't want to be with him anymore.

He says it's just naked women. I think I would feel better if it was sex porn.

What a fucking bellend. You have an 8 wo?

And he is doing something that makes you feel like shit, and you have told him so?

Total tosser. And let him toss OP.

Why would you feel better if it was sex porn? People like to look at naked people. Like I said you can't stop him. You need to focus on your baby and come back to this later. It doesn't neccesarily mean he doesn't love you and your baby. Hope for the best and approach him another time. Nothing is more important than you ad your baby right now. This can wait. Please believe me. Precious time right now and you need to not let other things distract you.

Ignore the haters... This is not what you or your baby needs right now. Blake the most of your new born... You will regret not doing so a lot more than than anything else. You are starting a new relationship that will last a life time.

I like the phrase 'you are starting a new relationship that will last a life time'. That is so true and I've never thought of it like that before.

I know in the grand scale of things it's not important, but I can't get the image of e being being at home breast feeding and adjusting to the new baby whilst he is ogling young women on his laptop at work. It feels horrible. I'm 35 and had been feeling great post birth, but his behaviour and lies has knocked me.

I know it feels horrible, but now is not the time... He's not he the most important thing... You baby is and please enjoy it, they grow up so quick :)

But he's stopping her enjoying it, isn't he?

He is behaving in a way she find unacceptable, she has asked him to stop, he continues. Doing it at work, when he is being paid to work, is stupid. He is risking his job- I doubt it would be just a slapped wrist- certainly wouldn't be where I work. Written warning or possible dismissal depending on when it happened.

I would make things chrystal clear that if he wants to continue this behaviour, he leaves. Only you can decide if it's make or break for you.

Do you what... Fuck him. He is not going to stop you enjoying your newborn...only you can do that. He will wait. People have relationship problems. Need to get it into perspective. Nothing as strong as mother child relationship. Don't let him get in the way. You can only control what you can control. Don't let the uncontrollably mess up your life and your time with your newborn. Detach and focus on what's important. Go into Survival mode if you have too. Don't let it affect your time now... He had always looked at baked women and he probably always will. Deal with it when you have time and energy. It's not the worst crime he could have committed and it's not worth messing up your beautiful time with your baby. Don't let the haters wind you up. You will deal with it when the time is right for you and your baby. Life isn't straight forward. How you deal with it can make it much less painful.