I will never understand the OW

[chocoreturns]

This weekend my children will meet the OW who was sleeping with my husband this time last year, while I was pregnant. I knew it would happen and it's a shit as I always knew it would be. That's not what this post is about though...

As a preamble to meeting them, I've received a charming letter through my solicitor stating that as they began their relationship AFTER we separated, and as she works with vulnerable children and is CRB checked, I should basically be thrilled that they are in her care (with XH of course). Because essentially they have been saintly to wait this long as my lovely DC are quite clearly going to benefit from having her in their lives.

What I can't get my head around is that OW is included in ALL correspondence my XH sends. Solicitors letters, emails etc. She reads the abusive ones to me and his own mother. She obviously knows that this hearts and flowers introduction to my DC is a load of twaddle, as she knew I was pg when she was having an affair with my XH. So how does she not twig that he's an absolute see you next tuesday with repugnant moral standards? Why would she want to build a life with a man like my ex? I know we all miss 'red flags' (I did when I married him after all!) but when someone is so clearly abusive and lies ALL the time even in legal documents, and you KNOW that they are lying, what bit of your brain has to be switched off to say "oh look, there's a keeper"?

Feel sick and low tonight :(

[chocoreturns]

I have absolutely no doubt of the truth in that MrsFlibble.

It's really far too common, I had no idea how common until this time last year, now I can't believe how many women like me I've met. (And you're all fabulous, yes, YOU and you and you!!)

[LittleFrieda]

I think you should write back to his solicitor and lay say they may not have got together as in moved in together until after you split up, but they got together in the normal sense of the word while you were pregnant and still very married. And then move swiftly on and keep it factual.

How old are your children, OP?

[chocoreturns]

the children at 2.4yo and 5mo.

I've got a draft reply from my sol setting the record straight, reminding him very calmly of the text message he sent me stating their relationship began in September, prior to my pregnancy with DS2. Pointing out that as contact only resumed 6 weeks ago after a break (due to his threatening behaviour at handover) it appears to be a deliberate attempt to antagonise the situation, when really he should be focusing on repairing his relationship with his DC rather than hurrying to introduce third parties.

Meh. This bit of my life truly sucks.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

That sounds like a good reply

[Nevergrowingup]

I agree, your response is on the ball.

Facts are facts just as arseholes are arseholes.

[chocoreturns]

please remind me why it's also a terrible idea to send him a quick email (in response to his one, telling me he's out of contact all week) wishing him a lovely second honeymoon with her.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Well, I would do it, along with some friendly reminders of good things to whilst over there. But it probably isn't a great idea.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

good things to do and see

[LittleFrieda]

2.4 yrs and 5 months.

[LittleFrieda]

And he's married someone else, already?

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

NO, LF, he is taking his new woman to where he honeymooned with OP

[chocoreturns]

no Frieda, they aren't married. He was shagging her last year when he got me pregnant, now he's taking her on holiday to the place we went on honeymoon...

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

NO, LF, he is taking his new woman to where he honeymooned with OP

[chocoreturns]

I'm yet to file for divorce actually. Was busy having his baby up until now, but am working on my extensive list of unreasonable behaviour, and OW is definitely one of them!

[doughnut44]

Just remind yourself that she has something that is second hand. Whatever he does with her he did with you first. Babies, weddings, honeymoons, getting a house - you were always first and she will know that.
When she meets his family and friends she will always wonder who they prefer. She will always be insecure not only about you but about herself and whether he will cheat on her.
Men age a lot better than women (mostly) and I am sure he will be on the look out for a newer more exciting model in the not too distant future.
All of his faults that he had with you, he will have with her. Let them enjoy themselves making you feel bad while they can cos you will have the last laugh.
That is exactly what happened to a friend of mine - the other woman was so superior (I can change him attitude )but the x soon showed his true colours.

[Nevergrowingup]

Keep your email responses on here. They don't deserve to know what you are thinking, but it can be therapeutic to have a field day thinking about what you could write

[chocoreturns]

Dear twunt, I hope you have a lovely holiday. I won't try to get in touch re: the DC, I wouldn't want to detract from your relaxation time. Perhaps you could show OW the restaurant where we had that fabulous Egyptian cuisine? I am sure she'll enjoy waiting around on the boat while you scuba dive, as did I. Very few things are more entertaining than pandering to your ego. All in all, no doubt she'll benefit from all the local knowledge you gleaned from our honeymoon. Have fun now!

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

< guffaw >

[Nevergrowingup]

Doughnut's comment about the OW having a second-hand man...

made me think I couldn't imagine going on a second-hand holiday.

[chocoreturns]

nor could I, which is why I can't believe she really does know. In my kinder moments I feel a bit sorry for her.

All this nonsense and she's only 26. Why isn't she with someone who could be her one and only? When I was 26 I still wanted the fairytale. Actually, when I was 26 I married him... maybe he needs to catch 'em naive enough to get sucked in.

[fengirl1]

Choco, just to give you a little satisfaction, even if you don't divorce him for adultery (which can be tricky as the other party has to sign to admit it unless you have evidence), you can list your belief that he had an affair as one of those given for unreasonable behaviour.

[russianreubles]

Have name changed recently but I followed your previous posts and was disgusted by your ex's behaviour and also incredibly impressed by the way you handled everything.

Talking about whether the OW feels guilt, did anyone read this?:

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2240052/I-stole-womans-husband-Twenty-years-kindness-makes-sick-guilt-day.html

While this relationship continues on and seems to have lasted a fair while it clearly isn't all joy and laughter. It sounds like the woman sees her relationship as being forever tainted. Interestingly, the husband doesn't seem to feel the same sense of guilt. You wonder how he felt about the piece being written - he let them put his photo in the article

[Dozer]

Hiya choco, glad you and the DSs are fine, but sorry to hear that your ex remains a total tosser, and of course OW too.

A colleague recently went to Sharm, in her hotel room were high-tech talking weighing scales: they freaked her out, reminded her of the tape measure in Mary Poppins that told people's characters. Wonder what they'll say about this sorry pair?

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

That vomit-inducing drivel reminds me of a thread on here from the other day...

[mammadiggingdeep]

Have just read this thread-
Choco- what can I say??? Your dc are exactly the same ages as mine. Firstly,hats off to you girl!!!! I know how hard it is with two at these ages.....the fact that you're doing it not only on your own but whilst your coping with all this shit, is just incredible. I'm in awe of you- you sound so together and it is so clear you are truly putting your children's interests first. I truly cannot believe that your ex did that to you- what a despicable man. What type of fucked up woman would want to be with a man who had cheated on a pregnant wife and then walked out on two babies???!!!! She's got some bad karma heading her way, that's for sure. Jeez.
From the bottom of my heart I wish you and your babies the happiness you deserve. They're lucky to have a mummy like you.