IS OH looking at pics of other women fine ALL the time??

[Capitaltrixie]

This might well seem a bit silly but I'd be grateful for thoughts..

Last weekend the children (1 & 3) spent the first whole weekend at the gp's which was a much needed break for us; we haven't been getting on well for a few months (various issues) and we both said this weekend lets work on getting us 'back on track' and try and do a bit of rekindling of the love.

OK so, lovely romantic weekend together, all going rather dandy (did miss the LOs like crazy but enjoying time together). Anyway, Sunday afternoon, we watched a film then OH kept telling me to go up & have a bath, so eventually I did tootle upstairs.
Came downstairs later after bath and OH was just nipping out, so I logged on to shared laptop & found that OH had been googling pictures of the actress in the film we'd just watched together naked and in underwear, basically wank potential pics.

So my beef isn't that OH googles other women, I've never had much of a problem with this as I do understand the animal instinct thing re: porn/pictures etc. However, it was the context in that, we'd had a much needed very intimate and fun weekend and had felt very close again after a really quite horrible rough patch. I understand him getting turned on after watching a film with a gorgeous actress in it but why not suggest a cuddle?! I don't know..maybe I'm just turning into a jealous psycho loon...

On another note, is it normal to wander round the house talking to yourself even when the children aren't there...?!!!?!

I would not be happy.

You are spending a romantic weekend together and he sends you off so he can have a wank?

No. Not on. At all. Disrespectful in the extreme.

Also, don't be taken in by the whole 'men are animals with urges' bollocks.

That's bollocks. What a creep- I bet you were gutted, for all the reasons you just gave.

It doesn't sound like he's very tuned in to what would make you happy nor is he bothered about fixing things.

as I do understand the animal instinct thing re: porn/pictures etc What 'animal instinct' would that be? As far as I'm aware animals don't create, access, or view, porn.

With regard to walking round the house talking to yourself... I don't need to walk around to do this and I've engaged in some of my best conversations with myself while sitting on the sofa or lying in bed.

So essentially his idea of getting the relationship back on track and rekindling the love is to get you out of the way so that he can find wanking material?

Yuk.

Had he googled for "famous actress nude" or was it just the pics?

Search my internet history in the living room and it's all nearly iMDB

Had he had a wank while you were in the bath? Did you DTD later? Were you going to, and he was - foolishly - trying to reduce his excitement?

Best thing, I'd suspect, is talk to him.

Oh God..thanks so much for your replies..I thought I was going properly crayzzzeeee because I was so bothered by this...I felt so flippin' cheap

I'm not sure he did have a wank, but I guess doesn't matter either way.

When I said the 'animal instinct' thing, I guess I meant the sexual urge and finding other people attractive.

Izzyizin re: chats with yerself, wow - a kindred spirit

So I do have to get over this though and move on?!!??!

Ask him, tell him it bothered you and why.

OneMoreChap

No we didn't DTD later, I thought that's why he mentioned the bath so's I'd be all relaxed (not that I need that mind, sorry - TMI!), he went out, that's why I was on the laptop.

It was 'actress underwear' and 'actress hot' in the google thingey.

Sorry I meant in the internet history, not the google box as that has a predictive function

I told him & had a very mini rant & he said 'oh sorry - it was a mistake..I think you're over-reacting'..!!

What a very odd man.
I suppose everyone has their own thing but "hot" and "underwear" sounds a bit fourth form.

Have a chat with him (but do be warned he will start hiding his history/private browsing, if he isn't already)

Either, he's inconsiderate and not thinking about you, or perhaps he was trying to put himself in the mood. Neither bode terribly well for your intimate relationship really. It's a shame you didn't get to the bottom of why he did it, even if it was a trivial reason, otherwise I can see why you find it a bit insulting, especially as he tried to get rid of you to do so. Odd!

I'd have launched the laptop at his head had he said I was over reacting.

(probably not literally. I'm not violent, or condoning violence, and I'm too weak to throw the laptop anywhere due to my fibro, and I love my laptop)

oh god OP you sound soooooo much like someone i know

not acceptable at all IMO

completely disrespectful. i would put money on him having had a wank.

Googling underwear pics of others on your romantic weekend together...?! Im sorry, he doesn't seem interested enough in you :(
Animal instinct would be to want to mate with your partner not seek out media images...

Like Caja, I would have lobbed it at him, probably (I don't particularly like my laptop ).

I always hate this "animal instinct" thing and had an ex who done stuff like this a lot, very glad I found DP and he actually respects women and really doesn't like the whole randomly viewing strangers naked or in underwear. It's not really normal in a healthy relationship, why would you feel the need? Especially on a romantic weekend.

to Caja about the laptop lobbing.

Not much chance of getting any further enlightenment as OH is very defensive about this and maintains 'all men do it; it's natural', however, judging from the comments on here, looks like he's talking out of his arse.
For info, he's not deprived..DTD more than once at the weekend, sorry TMI again oaps!

Ugg..where do we go from here?!?! Would actually be quite happy if he moved out, least I wouldn't get moaned at about the housework

oh dear..I can feel a rant coming on..

And FFS he's put a fair amount of weight recently and always moans about it like it's MY FAULT (yes, I do pin him down and feed him cake, that me Ms McFeeder!) and it's somehow my fault I've kept myself trim! blah de blah de blah! I try my very best to sympathise/empathise/motivate but aaarggghhhhhhhh!!!!

sorry going to find a pillow to punch...

Your oh appears to have the natural instincts of a knuckle dragger throwback.

'Twill soon be New Year - time to adorn your home with 2013 calendars depicting an assortment of visual delights. Why not source some eye candy in various states of undress to feast your eyes upon throughout the coming months?

Well Capitaltrixie, he doesn't seem like a lot of fun (accusing you of making him fat, lol) and he doesn't seem like he wants to improve your relationship (sent you away on your romantic weekend to google wank pics) ...?

I would be fuming. Googling actresses in their underwear! What is he - 12?? I mentioned this to DH and he agrees that it's creepy behaviour.

For the record, I'm another one who talks aloud to myself, always have done.
I do it in the house, in the car, everywhere! It's the only way I stay sane!

I would be fuming. Bad enough in general, on a romantic weekend away, though...jesus.

And sending you off so he could do it? Just grim.

Izzyizin - fabulous idea; I shall be buying a suitably raunchy calendar as soon as possible (not sure he'd bat an eyelid at a Colin Firth homage though..)

Bumhead - so very glad indeed it's not just me! and in the car you can pretend you're talking on speaker phone if you get caught

OH mentioned it again this evening as he knows I'm still in a strop about it and he just said 'all of this because I looked at a couple of pictures..'!!!!

It is grim FromEsme and things haven't really been a lot of fun lately Pretzeltime (though the first couple of days of our weekend together I had thought were fab )

Thanks for your reply TheSH.

I'm still damn confused by his behaviour (but reassured about my not so loopy after all reaction, thanks everyone)

Just wondered - has anyone else had a similar experience and the relationship recovered? or at least have you been able to move on..
I guess that could be a how-long-is-a-piece-a-string-question as it would depend on the individual(s). Just wondering though.