The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spicing Up The Winter Nights With Rich Hot Chocolate And Thermal Tights!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes travelling on this fantabulous Bus, on it's journey to the wonderful world of sobriety.

The great thing is, that the people on here are a real mixed bunch. Some are drinking regularly, some aren't. Some are sober and have been for any number of days, some weeks, months and yep, some even for years.

There's no judging pants allowed, no savoury flans either , just lots of unconditional support from many varied sources. Yes, some of us have been here from the start but please don't let that stop you posting, this thread is for EVERYONE and it always has been

If you'd like to have a look back, here are some links. One to the previous thread and one to the very first, and the reason we are all still here.

See you soon,

Mouse xx

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

I've been to so many different counsellors... I finally found a really good one, but she's a long way from me (and also the cost) I don't want to see anyone new...

I think I'd feel worse if I was off work, worrying about what everyone was thinking.

Thank you for listening, even while you're so poorly

Haven't had chance to catch up properly, I was at friends house on Friday night for her brothers 40th birthday, had 3 glasses of red wine and really wanted more, however just sat quietly by myself for few minutes and played the video through to the end, didn't like what I saw, so booked taxi home, said my goodbyes, and was home and in bed by 12.

Hey alias sorry your having a hard time, I'm on venlaflaxine after suffering horrendous post natal depression. I remember wishing I could take my brain out and have a break from the chaos inside my head, it was hellish and exhausting. It sounds a bit like your feeling now, I know this sounds a bit obvious but excercise really really helped. It's a horrible time for you right now but your safe here with us x x x

I'm really sorry for going awol for a few weeks, and then coming back and its all me, me, me

the weird thing is, I just cried all the way home - but now I feel okay again

Glad to hear you are feeling better now Joey, might sound like a strange thing to say but I envy your tears, I honestly can't remember the last time I cried.

Joey it's good to know how you're getting on. I feel totally incapable right now, I'm drinking again and I just can't see a life ahead without booze. I would love to know how alcohol makes everyone feel; for me it's a drug that can't be bettered and within a moment of having a drink I'm flying high. Does it have this affect on everyone? It's literally heaven on earth (but of course followed by a day of hell) and that's why I find it so hard to resist.

its been getting worse since I stopped the seroxat. am so desperate now, I will give prozac another go.

definitly worse at work (although mil didn't help yesterday!) got up the courage to ring the occupational health dept - and they were closed!

got myself in a state about a meeting next week and tried the Bus tactic of ODAAT.

and... I got some wine

soma I thought you were sticking with the antabuse?

joey good to see you posting , but hey lovely why not do yourself a big, big favour and dump the wine you've just bought. "What??!!" I hear you cry. "What a waste of money!".... well if you've bought it, the money is spent already, but you could give it right NOW to a neighbour, or you could pour it away, or hide it way, way deep in your garage.

Or you could drink it. But that would make you feel pretty awful - money wasted, you wasted, and nothing - not a thing - to help your mental health.

soma to hear that you're drinking. You sound so, so, so much better on here when you're taking antabuse and not drinking.

So sorry to hear things are tough Soma and Joey. Yes Soma I can fully identify with how alcohol make you feel. As has been mentioned before, doing without it is like a bereavement - the 'friend' that was always there at the end of the day to blur the edges a bit.

Joey I know nothing of the meds side of things (sorry) but it sounds like it's really important for you to get to someone to talk things through. I understand the person who you find is 'good' is a distance and there are costs involved - but it is your health your dealing with here, Sweetpea.

Koti I so hope you are 'drying' up a bit? Life is hard enough without being bunged up.

Thank you for all your bullet points and bless your little Mouse whiskers! Didn't feel patronised whatsoever. Sometimes it takes someone else to point out the blindingly obvious that's right in front of out eyes. I've been pushing myself too hard - felt the need results, need for targets and the need to achieve something to fill in the gap the wine has left. Yes, very much a bereavement. Got to the gym - just - today but really didn't have the heart to make much of an effort. I had no energy. All the stuff Mouse had written was going round in my mind and I decided to have a few days 'off'. The trouble is, I seem to have swung too far in the opposite direction and the result of letting myself have chocolate this morning and fish and chips for dinner, plus other 'indulgences', has made me seriously in danger of getting wine. I haven't had such a bad craving since I started down this path over 6 weeks ago. So, it seems that allowing myself a few treats has triggered serious whining from the Wine Witch.

I need and want to find balance and peace. This thing is not so simple as just not drinking.

(Please forgive all typos - fingers going faster than brain.)

DH didn't buy the wine! I asked him why the hell not and he said "because you told me never to buy you any wine during the week, even if you begged" ! bless him

I was cross for about 3 minutes, but then realised it was a lucky escape.

I have a gp appt tomorrow already booked, which I was going to cancel because we've gone as far as we can go with drugs. but maybe I ought to ask for a referral to the mental health team? only right now, I feel okay again....

soma what happened? Are you OK?
rural are you OK too?

I do feel like sometimes I'm in the middle of a panic attack - but then an hour later I feel fine, and think its not worth going. to the doctors. and agree about the mental health team!

I could also go to the occy health at my work, but suspect they will just come out with the usual platitudes about taking up yoga or something.

Told DH thanks for NOT buying the wine (thus scuppering my chances of getting any mid-week wine in the future!)

soma wassup girl? have you quit the antabuse?

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Soma - Sometimes in life, you just have to go with the strongest force, the deepest current and let it take you where you need to be. Yes of course I'm gutted to read that you're drinking again but life has no instruction manual, no guides, no pre planned path for any of us, not really.......

Sometimes you need to take a break from what you believed, and from what you thought, were told was the 'right' thing to do, to see another path out, another door and a new way.

You have to go back to the start on see where this journey, your journey leads you this time.

Promise that you'll keep posting with honesty and from your heart? Drinking or not, THIS BUS IS FOR EVERYONE!

Sorry just to post to you Soma but I need to try and sleep. Will try to read back properly and update you all tomorrow.

Night babes, I think we all need to pull together, closer and look after each other over the next few weeks...... traditionally the hardest time of year for those who, ahem, enjoy a little drinky or seven

Let's keep an eye out for those who need a but more Brave Babe power in their wolley socks than normal? A bit like the Readybrek glow!

Thank you lovely Mouse. I think it's obvious that Antabuse isn't a solution for me because I'm not being compliant, so yes hopefully there's another way. I don't want to keep drinking, I really want to stop and I want to find something that will really help me. I want what you and Venus have got.

Joey you could ask for a referral, no harm in that but are you still feeling a bit better? Purple I take it you got over you craving? Shall we try and fend them off together if/when we get any more? I'm sad today but trying to be positive. Surely one day I can get off this treadmill and live a peaceful life without booze.

Morning babes, I'm feeling rubbish today, had wine last night as well as feeling a tad hungover, I feel like I've failed. I felt so chuffed last week when I didn't drink so why the hell did i slip last night, I do know I won't drink tonight, I enjoyed feeling good ab

Sorry pressed wrong button, I enjoyed feeling good about myself and want to again so back in track and in the wagon today x

soma are you not complying because you want the booze so much, you stop taking it? have you got an alternative plan at the moment?

well I phoned occy health at my work... and they said they couldn't do anything without a referral from my manager

the GP has told me to increase my dose of mirtazapine, put through a referral to the mental health team, and signed me off work for 2 weeks

Morning Soma. I think Mouse is right, it may be good for you to go back a few steps to see where you could do some things a bit differently? Sorry you are sad today but do try and stay positive. You've managed good results in the past and you can do it again. Like you, I just want a peaceful life - I don't want to be feeling out of control like this. Peace and balance, Santa, please??

How is your day going so far Joey? Do you have Alcohol Services near you? The Dr referred me (on my request) and they have a range of help - including free acupuncture, group sessions and individual 'chat'. Maybe another avenue to research? Good luck for today, especially if you are at work.

I have reverted to being the recalcitrant teenager for today. I'm sulking in bed and have already had breakfast plus a tube of Smarties, a bag of salted peanuts and a bag of mixed nuts and raisins. At this rate, I shall put the whole stone and a half back on in days! I'm telling myself that as long as I'm not drinking it's OK but.....I know 'me' and if I'm giving up in one area, I find I give up in all areas. If I give up on healthy eating/living it's a very short step to the 'fuck it' moment when I reach for that first glass of wine. It's happened before. I'm scared. I hate the fact I'm so 'all or nothing'. Why can't I be more balanced!? I did avoid drinking last night but only because the craving grabbed me really badly after I had got home from the shops and was already settled in my jim jams, as were the DC.

I've realised that, if I've made the 'sacrifice' and given up wine, I expect to see results in the rest of my life - better health, weight, organisation etc. I so wish I could be easier on myself. Anyone remember the dog, Mutley from Whacky Races? Wanted bloody medals for everything! That's me, that is.

Well, off to try and find something else to eat (not difficult as all the Christmas goodies are in the kitchen ).

Sending good thoughts and strength to all the Babes struggling today and congrats to anyone 'breezing' it right now. x