The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spicing Up The Winter Nights With Rich Hot Chocolate And Thermal Tights!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes travelling on this fantabulous Bus, on it's journey to the wonderful world of sobriety.

The great thing is, that the people on here are a real mixed bunch. Some are drinking regularly, some aren't. Some are sober and have been for any number of days, some weeks, months and yep, some even for years.

There's no judging pants allowed, no savoury flans either , just lots of unconditional support from many varied sources. Yes, some of us have been here from the start but please don't let that stop you posting, this thread is for EVERYONE and it always has been

If you'd like to have a look back, here are some links. One to the previous thread and one to the very first, and the reason we are all still here.

See you soon,

Mouse xx

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

isindigo green purple and any other colour of babe out there in the sidecar.....

I hope you're feeling OK this morning, and not too awful. The thing is you've got a choice - you can beat yourself with the branches of shame, and tar yourself with the feathers of failure, and you can label yourself as someone who is never going to sort themselves out. OR you can climb gently out of the sidecar and leave it behind for a day (and that also means leaving behind any sense of letting yourself down - that all stays in the sidecar), climb on board the bus into one of the great, comfortable relaxing reclining seats and let it take you where it will.

There may be moments when it takes you past some horrible memories and feelings, but you will be safe inside the bus. You may see the memories going past but you will not be part of them. Inside the bus you may even find that you don't have to try to be sober today - you can just let it happen. You may feel a craving for a drink, but then maybe you can see that even that craving is on the outside of the bus and we are driving past it. Sometimes we might whizz past and you will have a fleeting glimpse of the craving, sometimes it may feel as if we are snarled in a traffic jam and crawling past at an agonisingly slow pace. But we are moving past it. So all you have to today is sit back and relax and the day outside will pass you by. Inside the bus some other babes will come and tend to you, offering you just what you need - compassion, or laughter, or bacon butties, or herbal drinks. What a lovely easy place to be. So why would you want to struggle out of your comfortable seat, and prise open the door of the bus, and stumble out into the dark and the cold and the misery? Just for today, stay with us xx

Venus, what a lovely post thank you x

Venus fabulous post. You can indeed be the Star of Bethlehem.
indie I see you being a more Evil Edna sort of a fairy but sugar plum would be cool. Can just see you balanced on top of the tree, givin it loads, as my Scouse husband would say.
Those DTs of yours can NOT be 2.5 already! Bloody hell.

oh dear it sounds like the Bus is full of woe this morning. isinde families eh? I'm pisssed off with my sister, and like you can't express it. I guess we just have to accept families are what they are... having a drink will not change them or make them any better.

and as for my bloody mother!

okay, moving on... purple you poor thing, even if they did show appreciation it must have been so hard to then watch them traipse off merrily to play happy families. I think alcohol helps you to accept rubbish situations instead of planning how you could maybe do things differently next time. can you avoid cooking for exdh next time? or do it upon their return to you?

is anyone sorting out imbeciles?

mincepies

spellchecker thinks The Bus is full of imbeciles?!

Morning all

I'm in the sidecar today - I tied one on last night. I'm not going to drink tonight.

Haha, Joey I just read the tag line in Threads I'm On and it came up all as one

'mincepiespellchecker thinks The Bus is full of imbeciles'

I thought mincepiesspellchecker was a nickname and I got ready to come rushing onto the bus to defend us all. Phew, what a relief when I read your post properly.

But what a cool nn that would be

Can I be in the difficult mother/unable to express how angry you feel quiche please? Pleeeeeaaaassee

Isinde the one saving grace is that I've learned a heck of a lot about how not to be. We luffs ya babe and your gorgeous girls who are every inch yours and that can never, ever be taken away, no matter what anyone says or thinks.

We are not just flesh and bones, we are shaped and moulded by those that love us, how others treat us, our humour, our compassion, our intelligence, it is all decided each day by our individual experiences. Innit.

Now, I should not be here, I should be shopping so if you see me around slap me with that wet fish we had kicking around a while back would ya.

Last night three glasses of wine over a 4.5 hour period and started with water so I think I did OK. No hangover this morning which was a treat for both me and DH as it meant I was happy to get up with DCs at 6am and let him have a lie in (generally feel too lousy to get up early so a nice positive).
Thanks for the advice re strategies - I've already got my offer in to drive at the next do so have a legit reason for staying on the mineral water.

I'm dealing with a vomiting toddler this afternoon (again much better without a hangover). Planning to share a bottle of wine with DH over supper tonight (but only got one bottle in so it will not be the start of a bender), then dry Sun-Thurs.

You know what? it's quite nice to feel in control.

Venus what fab words/sentiments

Due to insufficient funds - may be a few days before I can catch up with you all. Phone already cut off - internet soon to follow.

Will be back by Wednesday.

Things ain't great.

Didn't think it would be this bad after several good weeks.

Hugs to everyone. xxxx

Hugs Purple xxx

purple I have been where you are. Can I help at all?
A pleasantly peaceful day here, been cooking ahead, so house redolent of christmassy scents and spices.has taken me 3 hours to transform the kitchen from a health hazard to a clean and tidy place to be.
Looks good now though. All presents wrapped, cards posted.

Purple don't lose heart. You have done so well and sometimes we just need to do what we need to do. Don't beat yourself up. It's just a blip. Get back on it as soon as you can but, most important of all, come back and post.

Ma I finished all my shopping today. Not wrapped yet but am right behind you kiddo

Btw, some wonderful anonymous mumsnetter has sent me a Christmas present. I picked the parcel up today. I have not a clue who sent it but if it was one of you guys, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel honoured and special and all warm and fuzzy. All without the aid of alcohol

could you guys who are all smug with your Christmas shopping and your clean kitchens just go and be smug at the back of the Bus please?

Purple, not sure if you'll pick this up - -I'm sorry about your financial situation, money problems are the pits. Stay with us if you can. Do you have a mobile phone you can access the internet from?

Sorry just re read your post and realised you may have meant mobile phone

Morning all. Late night last night as db and his wife came up from York for an early Christmas.
Paracetamol for breakfast for me [flush]

And new glasses, obviously!

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Purple - have too have walked in your shoes (nice colour ) re the money and things being rather shite so understand that your 'Fuck It' monster may well be on high alert right now.......

I was sorry to see that you are struggling with so much right now and if there is anything practical that I can do to help, anything at all, please, please PM me. As Ma said, if we can help, we will and sometimes, you have to put your emotional feelings to one side and let your head take over and let someone help.

Massive hugs to you xxxxxx

Thank you Sunny, Ma, Faire and Green Seems they've forgotten to turn my broadband off for the moment. It won't be long, though. Mobile needs a 'top-up' too as is on it's last few pennies.

Spent all of yesterday trying to figure out why the week before had been so difficult. I had struggled from Monday mid-day and every single day after that. No real answers yet except, perhaps trying too hard and possibly pre-menopausal stuff? Seeing the Alcohol Services Nurse, Chrys, in two weeks - may ask for the appt. to be brought forward.

Feeling better today after spending all day yesterday either sulking with myself or working my brain too hard. Have put the 'guilt trip' on ExP so hopefully he'll get some money sorted today or tomorrow. Will be OK again on Wednesday even if he doesn't pay up.

On reflection, just think I was expecting too much too soon and had a melt down. Really vain but the scales hadn't moved in the right direction in days which just added to my feeling down. Tried to tell myself I could 'crash' but didn't need to 'burn' too - I was wrong. I must try to learn to live my life a bit more 80%/20% rather than being 'good' 100% of the time. That would be bliss.

Looking forward to next week now. Will get back to the gym and kick the Wine Witch into touch. Also, got another date with the very FancyableFarmer on Tuesday - upgraded to an actual meal this time! Part of me is thinking I should 'get my shit' together before going on dates but he is rather nice . The first date was odd. Green, you said he'd seen 'the real me' - too true - but so had I! I was a lot shyer and uncertain. Normally have a glass of wine before a date - bit like putting on my internal 'make-up'. Set me off thinking about who 'the real me' actually is. It was a good (if a bit quiet) date thanks Soma. Green was right, I usually give too much away if I drink. He's quite shy too so I would probably have overwhelmed him. Ho hum, time will tell.

Thanks for being there, Lovelies. Will be back as soon as possible. Hugs to everyone, stay warm and be nice to yourselves. xxxxx

Thank you lovely Mouse for your offer of help (you have caused a tear or two). And thank you for your Mousy hugs, too, sooo appreciated. I'm totally crap at asking others fro help - this place is the first where I have been honest when I've been struggling. It is invaluable. xxxxxxxx

Well, yesterday was amazing.

Me, me, me post to follow, sorry

We took Nemo to Erddig Christmas market and he sat watching a Punch & Judy show which I thought would scare the shit out of him (because I HATE them ) eating a handmade gingerbread man, all snuggled up next to me and other children loving every single second of it!

He almost laughed his wellies off when the crocodile came up and ate the sausages! It was a real Victorian Christmas festival and the place is gorgeous all year round. They had Reindeer and a lovely Santa's grotto, plus mulled wine, gorgeous cheeses and deli goodies.....

They played carols and jazz and the whole thing just made the Christmas spirit in me burst out! I bought some gorgeous little tree decorations, handmade hearts with buttons, ribbon and bells on, and a snip at only £2 each!

For the first time in weeks, I felt human again. I felt all emotional and really happy, at the same time.

The day was amazing

BUT....... then we had bath time and Nemo decided he wasn't having a bath so kicked off. He hit me, kicked me, scratched me, pulled at my face....

Then threw a jug of water at me once we'd managed to get him in the bath.

Then whilst getting him out and trying to brush his teeth, he continued to kick and punch my face and neck so I'm covered in little red marks.

Today we are doing the Santa Swap at my mother's where most of my family will be. I'm dreading another meltdown. I really am. I can't cope with it and he really bloody hurts me. I refuse to let DH get involved because he's too heavy handed with him and has actually worried me in the past.

I know that he's only trying to help and protect me but he loses it with Nemo and that defeats the object in my book, am I wrong? I'd rather calmly deal with it best I can.......

As some of you know, this isn't a new thing, this has been going on a while. It's a 'phase' (apparently ) but I want to know how long this 'phase' is going to last.

I think it's frustration too.......... and behavioural.

Anyway, I'm going to catch up now, back in a bit. Sorry for just blurting that out before reading back, I noticed Purple's post and wanted to comment asap.

Mouse it sounds like you have having a very challenging time - emotionally, mentally and physically. Nemo has had a huge helping of extra trauma as well as the 'normal' tantrum behaviour that DC go through. From the little I know, I would say that yes, it probably is frustration and poss behavioural plus, I'm guessing, had he not been so poorly, your approach to discipline may have been a bit different?

Anyway, talking out of my arse really. I have no idea how it must be to be you with all your struggles. All that I know is that children all go through 'stages' and they come out the other side - when they're ready - only to plunge into a different 'stage'!

Just sending a huge Wolfe sized hug. Hope today is more peaceful for you xxxxx

PS I've been to Erddig - lovely place! I used to live in North Wales. x

Purple - it's hard when you're on your own..... trying to juggle money and everything else, and when I say 'everything else' I mean EVERYTHING!

You have to be all things to all people don't you? Plus there's not always much time, if any, for you to be YOU and have things that are just for you, that you don't have to feel guilty about buying/having, things that you feel you have to justify..... I think seven weeks of sobriety is bloody amazing. Well done, nothing can take that away from you Purple.

So you messed up? Big deal. No one got hurt, just a little dent in your pride and a bit of disappointment going on but hey, you can see that because of how you feel now and what your posts have said.

You will get there because you want to and as I always say (bored yet? ) that is half of the battle, you absolutely, 100% have to WANT to stop fucking up, living with the Wine Witch taking from you, chipping away at you and demanding that you give her your undivided attention 24/7.

You can do it Purple and in the meantime, you have us all thinking of you and holding your hand until you can get back online........ assuming that you do actually get cut off!

I hope you don't...... I'm going to PM you my number just in case xx

Thanks Purple (loving the post tennis!! )

Erddig is gorgeous, they had little elves showing people round too, so pretty, glittery lights and twinkly trees....

I also treated myself to some cheese as is the tradition! Mature cheddar with pickled onion.... they had so many, I couldn't decide but as you may have noticed by my NN, I love cheese!!