I don't know what's gone wrong but in the past few weeks something has changed between me and my partner. I can't put my finger on it. I suppose I sometimes suspect that he's not that serious about me and is using me for entertainment purposes. Someone to spend the weekend with, someone to go on a night out with, someone to fill the hole that his divorce created inside him.
I don't know why I feel this way. A few months ago we were all excited about us and the future. Then we had a drunken "raised voice discussion" about things and nothing has been the same since. We never talk anymore.
Anyway we're in the process of booking a big, expensive holiday together. I thought at first that this was confirmation of his commitment to me but now I think again, he's using me to get away. He keeps saying he just wants a holiday and said whilst drunk that he'd go with anyone, as long as he got away. I'm just a convenient person to go with I think.
It's half booked. About £2k down already and we're going early next year.
I'm stuck between cancelling the whole thing until he shows me it's ME he wants and not just the times I can offer or sticking with it, booking the lot and see what happens AFTER the holiday. To be fair, I really want to go on the holiday so don't mind paying for it IYSWIM - it's just the overall sitiuation that is getting me down.