Boyfriend obsessed with the idea of breaking up after Christmas

[Mawashigeri]

A couple of months ago my boyfriend and I were out drinking and he said "I know your gameplan". I was like "what??" and he said "you're going to dump me after Christmas" I said "what are you on about???" and he said "I know that's what you're planning, I can tell" - anyway he made out he was joking and I forgot about it.

A few weeks later he said "You'll want rid of me before New Year anyway". Again we went back and forth on it and I let it go.

A few weeks later "I'd love to do that next year but you'll have dumped me by then, you won't want me after Christmas". ?????????

And then last week he said "you know, some people specifically go out and look for a partner just for Christmas and then dump them again afterwards".

So

Is he

a) Worried that I'm using him for Christmas? (no idea why he'd think that!)
b) planning on dumping ME after Christmas?

How old are - it all sounds very immature?

IMO there's only one way to handle this. Dump him BEFORE Christmas.

Gameplan? Oh my he sounds hard work. Sounds like he's projecting to be honest.

He's 40! I know it sounds immature and that's why I'm confused by it.

Projecting?

I couldn't be doing with that from a 40 year old. From an immature 12 year old, maybe, but 40?

I.e denying what he's feeling/thinking and ascribing it to you instead.

And FORTY?! A sure fire dump before Christmas if I were you

I would dump him RIGHT NOW if he kept saying that to me...

See I've had suspicions that he's going to break it off after Christmas because of some of the stuff he's said. For example we had something booked for next March and now he never wants to talk about it and seems really vague whenever I mention it.

I would definitely dump him B4 Christmas if I were you

Another vote for dump before Christmas.

Maybe he is going to dump you after Christmas.

I agree the only solution is to dump him before Christmas for being a stupid childish knob.

I'd dump him now tbh. Who wants all that neuroses and game playing hanging over them during the festive season?

Exactly. Enjoy the festive season without that emotionally immature crap and as a bonus, you have extra rosaries and mulled wine. Joking aside, do you get anything out of this relationship?

His attitude suggests that he views women as devious creatures who are after money and gifts. Not good!

(b)

Sorry.

Don't get him anything expensive for Christmas.

He keeps asking me what I want for Christmas - it's something I never really think about so spent a while considering it. I told him I'd have an Audi R8 - or alternatively, a onesie - seen one for £20 which I showed him. So he cannot make out that I've been all out for what I could get over Christmas surely.

How long have you been together?

we met end of July

Weird. Agree he wants to dump you but wants to make you dump him first or get out of buying you a Xmas present.

What happened to gifts being freely given? And tbh I'd want more than a £20 onesie off a 40 year old man I was dating.

There's a psychological term for what's happening here but I can't remember it - maybe someone else will. Basically it's a form of "leakage" where someone is planning on doing something they consider unpleasant and feels guilty about it so can't help talking about it. Everything he's saying applies to him but he's applying it to you as a way of expressing his guilt. It's sort of misdirected psychological self-flagellation - setting someone else up to appear to have the characteristics you dislike in yourself and then berating them for it. It happens with secretly gay people who are homophobes, or thin people who fear being fat and as a result claim not to understand how people get fat or make jokes at the expense of fat people.

So you said you wanted a car?

She was joking about the car.

He sounds really immature to me. Has he been hurt in previous relationships? Do you know anything about his previous relationships? From what you have said, I would also be inclined to say dump him but maybe there's more to it, maybe he's like this because of a previous experience.