Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

[JulietteMontague]

Off we go...

milk sorry you are feeling a bit low.

I slept with my ex the first night we met, we were together 25 years, still would be if it was up to him. He was a grown up about sex.

Mr fuck and run is back to texting daily. Going to see him again. Don't know if he is a grown up about sex yet, hardly know the man.

If not, his loss

Crossed posts with you and Snape. If he really has an attitude of 'crossing off' then he really has an attitude problem. None of this is anything to do with you btw, it is entirely his problem. Do not excuse anything because of his age. I had a very loviing relationship which started out what I thought was a ons and he was 24 years younger than me. At no time did I feel I was part of his checklist, he made me feel special.

Agree this is a wait and see, life is too short not to have sex with if you both want it and if he views it as a one off it really is his loss and he'll never get a blow job like than again

snape My rational mind agrees with you 110%. It is ridiculous that any man should judge you on how soon you sleep with him. I know people who have shagged on the first date & in the same vain as your Mr 4th date I've known other guys who've vanished as soon as they got their rocks off. Even if it's taken them weeks/months to get it.

Also I totally agree that the type of man who judges you like that isn't worth bothering with. I still can't help feeling really about it though. It seems like every sexual interaction I've had with a man since my ex broke contact with me has left me feeling nothing but used. I seem to pick terrible men deliberately, knowing that it can only end in disaster. I'm not over my ex, that is the top and bottom of it.

I totally agree with you about Match. I tried it and couldn't get along with it at all. I much prefer OKC. Sorry the prof has been on there recently. If you keep trawling it you might find a polyamorous relationship to be the 3rd wheel in. I might join you. It's got to be less painful than all of this crap!

Agree age shouldn't come into. My ex was 18 when we met, 3 years younger than me.

Oh my fucksie, there is a man on gsm who has 'liked' me that I could actually fancy, sounds lovely and is my age. First one on gsm ever. (there have been a few that I liked the look of who weren't intrested in me).

milk I know...and the rationalism doesn't over ride the general shitiness sometimes does it. oh, the polys. I don't want to be a third wheel. I'm not a sideline or an after thought.

Right. Don't shout at me. Sent voldie a friend request on fb last night (feel very lonely and although a bit of me recognises he doesnt deserve me, i just needed some familiarity...). with a message, 'this is ridiculous. Can we try to be friends?'

No response. Guess that tells me. No we can't.

Onwards.

snape What an utter fuckwit! He doesn't deserve to have you on his sodding friends list anyway. You've made the gesture though and at least you can know that you've tried and he's the one that's acted like a wanker.

As you say, onwards! I think perhaps onwards to the sofa to eat ice cream and feel sorry for ourselves though. We are allowed 1 day of self pity after all!

I honestly can't believe it. I've, yet again, been the grown up and to not even get the dignity of a response. So annoying when you are proved to be a poor judge of character.

If I were to attempt to analyse, he's angry, because he's scared, so he's angry at himself, but that externalises at anger at me.... Because I wasn't willing to continually be the ego soothe with very little back. So things change and that's..uncomfortable. When we had 'the' conversation, I made it clear I wasn't asking anything of him, just expressing how I felt.

It's a mess. I've done the best I can.

Yes, onwards. Think I'll be concentrating on work and kids for a bit.

Oh Snape there is something in the air at the moment, not shouting at you, you've done so well and he so does not deserve you.

For all of us feeling a bit shit, lets put it down to the wind, the rain, the full(ish) moon. I almost called someone a cunt in Tesco this afternoon because I was missing my lovely-but-bonkers ex. I have to remind myself every day that yes he was lovely, also totally impossible to be with. I'm not in love with him any more, I just want those good times again and be with someone who is good for me.

btw Snape, you really don't need Voldo sitting there like a bad smell in the corner of your fb pages at the moment. The temptation to peak at his profile, see his pics and what he is doing would not serve you well. It's your fb for your friends.

I've had two beers and she's becoming lovely...

(((((((Hugs))))))) for you all.

Yeah, there's a stalky bit of me that wants to know that he's ok what he's up to. But things have changed. I acknowledge his behaviour has been less than kind. He knows I've had financial problems because of work don't worry snape! we'll see it through! and so, so worried about Ds1 of course I'll talk to him, I know what it's like .health worries about DD.. I'll come for the next MRI & hold your hand but now it's all about him & how he feels.

So he doesn't deserve me. I know this. still miss him though [wetfish] to self.

delurking and getting off my sick bed ( thank you DD) to say this:
snape, noones going to shout at you. its been a rough few weeks and its only human to seek out the comfort of someone, especially from someone you thought you knew so well.
Im sorry he didnt reply
BUT - it does show how much of an arse he was, and now it really was one sided and that he actually doesnt care.

harsh to take, harsh to realise. he cant comfort you, because he is too selfish to see past his own needs.

But i know it doesnt help at all. Not when you are reaching out for a friend and for love.

I also suspect the okc thing is a for a confidence boost and trying to feel attractive and not be lonely.

:(

you know, we have all been there, and its shit. But i think this is part of the healing process too, you know. It takes a while, you knew him a long time, its not cured in 30 days.

Forget anyone else for the momment and plough all your energy into yourself and your Dc's.

bant that's the beer talking [wet cod in batter]

I don't think it's that you're a poor judge of character snape more that he's a bloody idiot.

Sadly as well I think a lot of men just read "Let's be friends" as "Shag me, shag me" It's really frustrating but I believe there's more than a little truth in it.

A guy I work with actually told me in all seriousness that any time a woman even smiles at him or is nice to him he automatically thinks "She want's me"

snape - i dont think you miss him.. i do think you miss thinking someone has got your back. that someone cares. that you dont need to shoulder everything yourself.

You know ive had a shit time the last 6 months too. total life changing stuff. Ive been really suprised by how, if i ask for help, people do help. How its not a sign of me failing or being week having to ask for help or just offloading to someone.

Though its all shit i do feel a bit sorrounded by love right now.

Just a thought that maybe it might help to disperse all the support you sought from him?

oh my god, my spelling. gah. havient eaten for 2 days so blaming that.

Sorry you've got the bug watch ... :)

Well it's a bit of both. The first time we met, we finished each others sentences. There was always one of those things where we're both a bit odd, he's aspergic and depressed, I'm naturally introverted but have learned to compensate. We just seemed to fit. Guess not.

I do miss that someone cares, but he obviously didn't. So I continue to shoulder everything myself. Hey ho.

i dont think you are a bit odd. I dont think anyone here thinks you are a bit odd.
i think maybe you feel odd... but you arent, you are spectacular.
i feel like i dont fit in a lot, truth is i dont, not in a shy way but just i AM different to most people, i think in a different way. But ive accepted it. but i do understand how its easy to relate and find common ground with somone else who also doesnt fit.
BUT - lots of that was because it suited him.

that sounds so horrible.
im sorry
i hate to see you sad or beating yourself up about this, when its not you.

Its a heavy road shouldering everything yourself, sometimes it gets a bit much for all of us. You dont have to be infaliable.

It did suit him, but I got drawn in by the good bits. I got drawn in by him crying when i told him that I had to drive myself to the hospital (25 miles) sitting on a towel when my waters broke with DS2 because XP was too drunk to drive. I got drawn in by measuring our hands against each other sitting on 'our' sofa in 'our' local. I just got drawn in, because I'm tall and strong and not at all girlsy, I'm (sorry) smarter than most folk, I don't do generics. And I thought. I thought that someone got that.

And now I'm back to trawling ageing potatoes on OKC. I think I give up. I think it's beaten me. Resigned to books and cats, which isn't so bad.

You're allowed to "whine" Snape

?

Yeah I'm just grinning now. Update shortly

Hi snape, watch, milk - been off feeling sorry for myself but it seems this is the place to be after all. Hugs all round. Snape I know it feels shit but watch is right, this is all part of the healing process. If you walk away from something like that without feeling a bit shit then there is something wrong with you. So it is shit, but it's not a mess. It was a mess before because you were stuck. Now you are moving forward and this is just part of it.

Oh yes done that, but job applications to pop In tomorrow, so no more..

bant. Come on! Details!!