DH just threatened to smack DD (7) in the face

[Orkling]

DH and I have 3 DC (2,4 & 7). DH is usually a great Dad but he does have a short fuse in that he will lose his temper and shout easily, he has never hit any of our DC. I am a bit calmer although I will give a smack on the bum occasionally, although not hard.

This morning DH was in a rush and foul mood (as he has been for ages) he asked DD to put her coat on, she asked where it was, he said right in front of you, open your eyes, she said they are open. He then told her not to be so fucking cheeky or he would smack her in the face!!!!! I am FURIOUS....

His foul moods have been affecting everyone, sometimes he is great but more often than not he is just moody and grumpy. I know I am not perfect and I do have mood swings but I think this is more to do with living with him.

Yes cheesesarnie - what's love got to with it? Well, nothing at all.
< busy - I said 'fucked up boundaries' which could be seen as 'aggressive' - or just a suitable use of a exclaimant - either way it's relevant from what the OP indicates life is like.>

I was trying to work out what it was you said that was supposed aggressive WP

thanks Brandy - I don't know.

so why post?
to tell us what a violent partner you have?

Men on MN, eh? Sheesh!

OP - It is Ok to want to leave him, you know. You don't have to prove he is a bad person or justify yourself. You sound very, very unhappy. The money thing is very scary - have you looked into it WRT benefits you would get etc?

Everyone - Look, I am really anti spanking for any reason. But if someone is in a really difficult situation and is just at the point of realising how bad it is and wanting to do something about it, demonising them is hardly going to help.

OP - getting defensive may well be a reflex action at the moment due to the pressure you are under, but everyone here is taking time to try to say things that they think are important in helping your children. Would you rather be in a situation where you felt calm and happy enough to deal with DD without smacking her? Posters are trying ways to get you there. (I understand this is not easy listening)

Totally agree with busybusybust (and fwiw have never smacked any of my 3 and generally am not in favour of hitting children). Lots of misinformation on the law as well. It says nothing about temper.

This is what the Children's legal centre says:

"It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to "reasonable punishment‟. This defence is laid down in section 58 of the Children Act 2004, but it is not defined in this legislation. Whether a "smack‟ amounts to reasonable punishment will depend on the circumstances of each case taking into consideration factors like the age of the child and the nature of the smack.
However, physical punishment will be considered "unreasonable" if it leaves a mark on the child or if the child is hit with an implement such as a cane or a belt."

A single hit with hand onto clothed buttocks of a young child would be v v v v unlikely to break the law.

Poor you, Orkling. I would be really worried about this, the more so because he is not her biological dad. Does he ever treat his biological children this way?

It is case law that refines how reasonable chastisement is applied sminko

What's difference between smacking on the face and smacking on the bum?

Erm, well, one (smacking on the bottom) is a legally (not necessarily socially) accepted form of discipline that SS agree do not see as abuse.

The other (smacking on the head/face) is illegal and SS do see it as abuse.

That is the legal/SS position. If any MNers think the law needs changing, they should lobby their MP.

The OP came on here for help.

Smacking on the bottom may not be ideal/healthy but legally it is not abusive

Depends on the circumstances lollipop. Depends entirely on the circumstances. Smacking on the bottom is not legal. What you can say is that it is likely that reasonable chastisement would be a successful defence against prosecution in the vast majority of cases however people have been convicted for smacks on the bottom.

And what case law is there criminalising a smacked bottom? I'm not aware of any.

I would be in favour of a clear no smacking law but that is not what we've got.

Ok, sorry, this has already been covered.

I have been told by child protection social workers that it is legal. Other people know more than me so I will take a bow and exit stage left.

As you were.

It is not chastising when OP loses her temper though. So it's not in keeping with the law.

I do understand this can't be easy listening OP, I really wish you the best and you can leave him. You can tell him to leave/pack a bag and start again. I wouldn't stay with someone who would harm my child no matter how broke I'd be or a while and how awful would you feel if you didn't sort this out and he did slap her round the face. Think about it OP and do whats right, if you are scared ring womens aid. You can do this.

from 2009- not sure if there's newer case law superceding this?

Really really can't wrap my head around being appalled at someone threatening to hit a child in the face and then being all astonished that others are appalled that you actually hit the child.

That having been said there is lots of useful advice on the thread and I think the OP is facing in the right direction if not actually moving in it yet....

Sminko that isn't case law, that is a media report of something one judge said. There is no level of violence which is legal. Smacking per se is not illegal however it depends on the circumstances as is stated in that article e.g. A Scottish case where a man took down his 8 year old daughter's pants in a medical waiting room and repeatedly smacked her then chased her round trying to carry on smacking her which was not "reasonable chastisement". You can't actually safely say anything is "legal" it always depends on the circumstances.

And yes in law hitting on the face/head is always illegal.

to be it wouldn't matter whether it was legal or illegal. he threatened to smack your child in the face!

I live with someone like that - aggressive and moody one minute, happy the next. He's on medication to help but its nt working so I do understand your situation OP and how it effects you and family.
I also was Smacked as a child and see it as totally different to threatening to bit someone in the face (don't have an issue with calm light smacks if its the only way to stop dangerous behaviour). While I tolerate a lot of verbal aggression from my partner (different topic so please no comments) if he ever threatened to hit my ds like that I'd having out the door.

There is a difference between an open-handed blow to a clothed bottom and the same intensity of open-handed blow to the face: hitting the face is far more likely to cause lasting damage and much more painful. So hitting a person's face is more aggressive and violent than hitting their bottom.

How unhelpful most of these posts have been OP, I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. Your DH seems like hard work, big time!...and I can imagine your dismay and anger to hear him say things like that. Keep posting, you've got lots of people keen on helping you even though it may not seem like it.

Whilst there may be a difference between hitting different parts of someone's body, I think it is important to remind people that the DH in question did not actually hit the child anywhere.