Met up with ex after 2 years and kept trying it on with me!

[stillsingingintherain]

I know, I know, meeting up with an ex is never the best idea. I finished it cos didnt fancy him as much as he did me (without sounding bigheaded!) and wanted to find someone that I felt really liked. Also, despite being clever and having a really good job, he hasnt got a clue about basic things when you have a conversation. For example, I mentioned something about IVF yesterday and he hadnt got a clue what I meant. Also he never remembers anything i say to him so am constantly repeating myself.

But despite that, he's a nice, fun, kind guy, and I havent got loads of friends so its nice to stay in touch with the ones I have!

Anyway, when we broke up 2 years ago, we tried meeting up as friends, but he constantly tried to hold my hand and kiss me. and persisted even when I turned my head and tried to get away. I thought after such a long break (and since he has a girlfrend) that he wouldnt do that again but did. I don't mind linking arms with him, or holding his hand at push, but I dont really fancy him and dont want to be with him so I obviously dont want to kiss him! However, yday I ended up giving in and kissing him (half heartedly) to get him off my back! I dont get why he just doesn't get the hint!

What shall I do?

Kissing him is only going to encourage him don't you think? Be firm and mean what you say. Or avoid him completely if its difficult for him to get the message

Why are you still meeting him?

It sounds to me like he is giving you a bit of an ego boost and you are stringing him along until you get a better offer.

You don't hold hands and kiss someone you aren't interested in knowing full well he wants more then complain he isn't getting the hint. Its quite an immature thing to do (to put it bluntly). Just stop meeting him.

This would be a 'nice, fun guy' who doesn't accept the word no and cheats on his girlfriend?

Avoid like the plague.

You ended up giving in and kissing him (half heartedly) to get him off my back? Are you a contortionist?

Your probem is easily solved. Don't meet up with this ex again. Next...!

Don't hint.

Tell him.

and don't hold hands with him, link arms with him or 'half heartedly' kiss him.

And he's an arse. Trying it on with you behind his girlfriend's back?

you need to get angry and tell him to stop. Or stop meeting him.

If you kiss him the only hint he'll get is that you want to kiss him. You're surely not so desperate for friends that you need to meet up with this creep. And it's really not on to kiss another woman's boyfriend even if he used to be your boyfriend. Move on.

You shouldn't meet him.

You know he's got a girlfriend. You are just encouraging him. It's not fair on his girlfriend and it's just giving you an ego boost.

Not a lot of sympathy for your "dilemma" I'm afraid!

Thing is, if you give in to anything to keep the peace, it shows the other person that persistence pays off. That's kind of... obvious, really. Isn't it?

I know its not a huge dilemma in the grand scheme of things! I just wanted to get some different perspectives on it. I agree I need to be more assertive, although you'd think saying no numerous times and squirming to get away would be enough of a hint! In the end the only reason I kissed him is cos I was minutes away from missing my train n he wouldn't let go of me! Stupid i know.. This kinda thing has happened to a worse extent before (with another guy), when I ended up sleeping him with him, despite saying 'I dont really want to do this'. Although theres no way i'd do that again...it was a few years ago.

ps..i definately am not seeing him as an 'ego boost'. This is the first time I met up with him in two years and was hoping we could have been friends.

clearly you can't.

So what are you going to do?

Just tell him, this isn't working out as you only wanted a friendship and it's not appropriate to meet up again as he has a girlfriend. Also mention that you do not want to be his girlfriend again.

I'd be slightly more inclined to knee him in the groin than to kiss him if he was physically restraining me from catching my train. What an arse.

Seriously, you really need to learn how to say NO so people realise you mean it, and then mean it yourself! Your boundaries are kind of, well, fecked if you actually slept with a guy because he wouldn't take "fuck off and die", er, I mean, no thank you, for an answer. Do you have difficulty refusing to work long hours for no overtime, to lend expensive items to people you don't know very well, or to do favours such as babysitting for friends who you know will never do the same for you? It's good to be polite and help people and all that, but life can be quite miserable if you don't know how to stand up for yourself.

I have an ex like this and I really like him and still meet. Well ok, he's not like what you're describing because I told him at some point that I wasn't up for it so he backed off. But I'm aware he'd take any opportunity given so we don't meet that often.

Really you need to give him an ultimatum and tell him you'll only meet as friends if he backs off.

Do you really NEED to see him again if you know he will always want more AND is doing this behind his girlfriend's back? haven't you got other friends?

Some friendships just run their course.

"cos I was minutes away from missing my train n he wouldn't let go of me"

I'd stop seeing him. He is unwilling to take the damn hint and doesn't respect your boundaries.

Do you want to see him again? If so, next time you make plans I would text/phone beforehand and make sure he knows its only a friendly thing and you don't want to get back together! You sound like you need to be a lot more assertive with him!

Don't meet up with him. You both want different things.

He sounds like a twat. You sound really young, are you?

I'm 26 so not super young but agree the whole thing sounds immature. I need to just man up and say no more forcefully. The problem is i'm such a people pleaser. I definately can't meet up with again unless he agrees to leave me alone. I dont understand how he can try it again and again, espec when we were out in town so everyone could see me squirming to get away! When I kept saying you've got a girlfriend, he was like 'no we're dating, its just been 3 weeks' when I'm a pretty sure they've been going out for months.

are you both 14yo ?

I definately can't meet up with again unless he agrees to leave me alone

why on earth are you planning to meet him again?

It's like you're saying you're sunburnt so you're going sunbathing.