Met up with ex after 2 years and kept trying it on with me!

[stillsingingintherain]

I know, I know, meeting up with an ex is never the best idea. I finished it cos didnt fancy him as much as he did me (without sounding bigheaded!) and wanted to find someone that I felt really liked. Also, despite being clever and having a really good job, he hasnt got a clue about basic things when you have a conversation. For example, I mentioned something about IVF yesterday and he hadnt got a clue what I meant. Also he never remembers anything i say to him so am constantly repeating myself.

But despite that, he's a nice, fun, kind guy, and I havent got loads of friends so its nice to stay in touch with the ones I have!

Anyway, when we broke up 2 years ago, we tried meeting up as friends, but he constantly tried to hold my hand and kiss me. and persisted even when I turned my head and tried to get away. I thought after such a long break (and since he has a girlfrend) that he wouldnt do that again but did. I don't mind linking arms with him, or holding his hand at push, but I dont really fancy him and dont want to be with him so I obviously dont want to kiss him! However, yday I ended up giving in and kissing him (half heartedly) to get him off my back! I dont get why he just doesn't get the hint!

What shall I do?

Life is too short to waste time on this ex. If you meet up with him again, it's highly likely he'll continue trying it on & that's not nice on his gf. What are you getting out of it?

It's nice to have friends, but honestly he's not s friend.

If you're a bit lonely, why don't you do a course, get a hobby, anything to meet new people.

Stealth boasting...yawn.

Don't meet him again. Problem solved.

Just cut this man out of your life. You owe him nothing.

So you hold hands with him, walk arm in arm with him, see him without his girlfriend, kiss him (albeit just so you can catch your train and are planning to see him again. Yet your problem is that he is getting the wrong idea?

I have a spare grip if you want it. I think you need to get one.

Madamemax has the measure of it I think

I don't see where the stealth boasting is and I don't get why such a bitchy comment would be called for really.

I don't bear grudges with people and like to think that I could sit down and chat with any of my exes. Definitely with most of them, I would have wanted to transition into friends in time. It's possible with some, it isn't possible with others. OP hasn't done anything wrong except to think she can be friends with this particular ex, which she can't, not because of herself but because of him.

The stealth boasting is the fact that the ex can't keep his hands off her and obviously fancies her so much he sees her without his girlfriend, yet she, the victim with the dilemma, just wants an innocent friendship. The bit that rankles is that she's GOING BACK FOR MORE!

TBH if I was aware that an ex was still really keen on me, there's no way I would pursue a friendship with him. I mean, why would you? You'd just be constantly letting them down whilst giving them a "fix".

I don't think she's 'going back for more', I think she's merely trying to make a friendship happen because he is a person she likes but in this case, it may not be possible.

As I said above, I had this situation but just laid down some boundaries and it's fine. We're part of a group anyway and would see each other no matter what. I don't necessarily find it an ego trip to be fancied so that wouldn't be stealth boast in my eyes. You could be fancied by anyone you meet on a day to day basis and not even know it!!

Well she is because she's saying she will have to say something "next time" when he obviously didn't listen to her or respect her the first time.

Maybe she's thought better of it in the meantime??

I'm definately not 'stealth boosting' or whatever else! I thought two years was a long enough break for any romantic stuff to be forgotten and that perhaps we could be friends. (thats why i didn't meet up with him sooner!). Yes, I knew he fancied me before, but thought that all this time (and the fact he's had 2 girlfriend's in the gap) was enough insurance!

I do have other friends, but not loads, and like I said we have a nice time when we're together. Infact, we had a really nice few hours, before he started trying to kiss me, and not taking the hint - i could not have been more clear by my actions...perhaps not my words.

Thanks for your last two posts Helltotheno, you've nailed on the head exactly how I feel about it.

I was thinking of telling him (on facebook or by text), exactly how I feel and that i dont want to be touched, kissed etc etc... but I'm not sure it will make any difference! It actually makes me quite angry that he doesn't respect my wishes enough to stop! And carries on, despite it being really obvious that im feeling uncomfortable...

He is a sex pest

It makes no difference you have shagged him before

Would you tolerate this from stranger ? No. Then don't tolerate it from him, and don't let him off the hook because he "fancies" you and you have been intimate years ago.

Stop getting an ego boost from him and stop hanghing out with him. Easy.

Stop getting an ego boost from him
So would that type of behaviour be an ego boost for you?

OP much as you might want him as a friend, it's not going to be possible by the looks of it. Just let it drift and if he asks, tell him he's not willing to respect your boundaries so forget it.

Concentrate on meeting other people :)

It actually makes me quite angry that he doesn't respect my wishes enough to stop! And carries on, despite it being really obvious that im feeling uncomfortable...

So just don't see him again!

Sometimes you cannot be friends after you break up. This looks like one of those times.
You really really need to work on assertiveness and not letting people cross boundaries with you that you aren't comfortable with. You matter, what YOU want matters.