Would you tell?

[MCW]

If you had a suspicion that the DH of a friend was away with another woman when your friend thought he was away on business, would you tell her?

If it's a suspicion...no

If I had a suspicion? No, definitely not
If I knew, I might - would depend on the friend (my relationship with her, her relationship with her dh etc).

Thanks fuzzy.
Am a reg'lar poster btw.
It is doing my head in.
He was seen with someone (and a child ) in a place that was not where his DW thinks he was.
Not by me.
By my DH who isn't a gossip.

Unless you 'know' keep well away from it........bound to blow up in your face and lets face it, it could all be very innocent.

I am erring towards no, do they have problems in their marriage?

agree wouldnt say anything unless it was a fact tbh

If my DH had seen it, then I would take it as fect that he was there, HOWEVER, things arent always as they seem.

How much of a friend is your friend? A best friend, or just someone you know?

fect?, fact even.

Well, no, not problems as such. She loves him desperately and would do anything for him. He works long hours and is often away over weekends for conferences and suchlike. I have always felt their marriage is a bit one sided (she does everything, always puts him and the children first - he goes out a lot and spends a lot of money on cars and motorbikes) but she always says she is happy.

She is a good friend.

How about tackling him when he comes back?

agree with madmarch i would ask him outright
it could be innocent

Definitely a fact. DH saw them. He asked if my friend had a younger sister (she doesn't) because he wondered what her DH was doing there with this woman and a little girl. If you knew my DH you would understand that it wasn't gossip or rumour.
I don't want to tell her. I am glad you are all so far saying no. But we speak nearly every day on the phone and see eachother once a week.

I had thought of asking him outright. I might do that if I could speak to him without my friend being around.

Good Lord. Are you sure that it was this man your dh saw - could he have been mistaken? And are you sure his dw thought he was away on business at that day and time? Maybe their plans changed and you didn't know. Maybe the meeting with this woman is entirely innocent - she could be a relative? An affair is just one possibility ... but if my dh was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be with another woman, think I'd like to know.

Is there any way of mentioning it without making a big 'your dh is having an affair' accusation? Just dropping into conversation that your dh bumped into hers the other day?

DH said that they didn't see him.

mcw didnt mean a fact of your hubby seeing them
of course he did

meant a fact that it was an illicit meeting iykwim
could be innocent

Oh yes, you definately need to be careful. My DH was in the local shop with his (very stunning ) sister once and the woman in the shop got all gossipy and stupid about it. Should be easy enough to do though, and Im sure if there was anything dodgy about it he'll get the message.

it is one of those damed if you..... situations.

I would hate to be told, but also hate not to have been told IYSWIM.

I go with the ask him, but I do also think htat if his response is off then you need to talk to her... don't envy you on either one though.

Hi Edam. I keep x posting!
I spoke to my friend after I spoke to DH and yes, her DH was definitely supposed to be somewhere else.
What makes it trickier is that the business trip was abroad. So, her DH was supposed to be in one country and my DH saw him in another country .
Oh god. It sounds terrible.

Cross posted. Think I would drop it into conversation in an innocent, by the way, fashion. Something like 'oh, btw, my dh says sorry he couldn't stop to say hello to your dh on Tuesday, he was in a rush..'. Thing is if she genuinely didn't know what her dh was doing, you've then got to think about how you handle 'but dh was somewhere else that day' and the rest of the conversation...

Be aware that you could end up losing this friend though if it all gets nasty with her dh. The messenger getting the blame and so on.

Oh dear. So innocent conversation won't work then. Well, you have to decide whether you want to risk your friendship by telling her now, or risk losing it later if she finds out that you knew... are you more uncomfortable with telling, or with keeping such a big secret?

This is trouble either way. But I'd want to know if my dh was in the wrong country.

I don't want to lose her as a friend. We work together sometimes too.
Sigh. Will think about it some more. Perhaps I will try to find a way to let him know that DH saw him. We don't see much of them as couples. She and I meet with the children and go out for girls' nights etc.

It is a shitty situation isn't it?

Perhaps you should wait for something else if youre not too happy with saying something just now. Chances are that something will crop up if something dodgy is going on.