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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Social Services - any experience???? Help!!

61 replies

verysadmum · 06/01/2004 18:02

As you may know social services are finally coming to me tomorrow about ds (and about me too). For those that don't know my h has physically & mentally hurt myself and my ds (although to a lesser degree).

I am actually really quite terrified about it. They have the potential to take away ds, don't they? My house is still quite a mess (have minimised) so they will only have to look about a bit to see I'm not coping very well..

They are also going to want to know the details that I haven't really shared with anyone...

What do you think they'll ask? and want to know? will it 1 person?... sorry.

Has anyone else had any experience of them? or even better still, does anyone work for them? Help!!

OP posts:

Issymum · 07/01/2004 14:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

fio2 · 07/01/2004 14:18

verysadmum, hope things go well for you today sorry about that 2pacsofmaltesers!! i didnt actually think you were a troll i thought you were vsm dh, thats how supicious i am!!! very very very very sorry

M2T · 07/01/2004 14:29

VSM - Hope it all goes well this afternoon. I'm sure it will and hopefully you will get lots of reassurance and help from them.

robinw · 07/01/2004 14:29

message withdrawn

Tinker · 07/01/2004 14:33

Back up all the good things said about social services much-maligned and work bloody hard. Good luck

Original poster

verysadmum · 07/01/2004 17:12

Thank so much again for your support. She's just gone...

She was very nice and seemed quite understanding. Surprisingly she didn't really ask many details which I have to say I'm relieved about.

She spoke to ds, but ds refused to even talk about Daddy - completely avoiding the questions (asked several times in different ways), but questions about myself and dd he was happy to answer. She said that in itself actually said an awful lot. She said she will ask someone from the DV unit (she was child protection) to contact me.

She said that she will be staying in contact with me but was very happy that I was doing a good job in protecting my children. She did say, however, that if I were to actually let him move back in then it might be a different story... especially if something were to happen.

She will be contacting ds's school and dd's preschool.

OP posts:

Festivefly · 07/01/2004 17:20

Do you feel better now, see you have done nothing!!!!!! Won't that be an incentive not to let him back now, you would be in trouble then. So you really mustn't.
Don't worry about the school knowing they will have heard this before, its just so they can keep a special eye out for them and make sure they are happy.
Well done VSM its another step up the rung to hapiness

suedonim · 07/01/2004 17:21

I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you feared, FF and that she gave you her vote of confidence. Take care.

suedonim · 07/01/2004 17:21

Sorry, that should be VSM, not FF!

fio2 · 07/01/2004 17:30

just second FF's advice really well done you

Roscoe · 07/01/2004 17:32

Well done, Verystrongmum. SS just confirmed what we all knew - that you're a great mum to ds and dd.

Blu · 07/01/2004 17:50

VeryStrongMum: Haven't posted on your threads as i felt everyone who has been a staunch supporter has been giving sound advice, but I have had my heart in my mouth for your situation. I was checking in to see how the visit went, and extremely pleased to see it was positive. SS will be on your side, and it is first and foremost their job to look after DS's and your interests. Likewise the school: they are your allies in ensuring a good stable and positive experience for your children, so get a grip and stop seeing them all as people who will judge you badly After all, we are all strangers and NO-ONE thinks you have anything to be anything other than proud of. Well Done: HUGE steps forward.

Have you read ForestFly's account of her conversation with her solicitor?

JJ · 07/01/2004 17:55

You must feel relieved and at the same time terrified that it's actually all "official" now. I've been thinking about you all afternoon.

Have you contacted the solicitor? I'm sorry if I've missed that.

Huge hugs to you and yours.

Lou33 · 07/01/2004 18:13

Well done Vsm, very proud of you . And thanks to your mate who came over afterwards!

WideWebWitch · 07/01/2004 18:25

So glad it went ok vsm, well done.

sobernow · 07/01/2004 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nutcracker · 07/01/2004 18:38

Glad it all went o.k for you

fisil · 07/01/2004 18:47

glad it all went well.

sis · 07/01/2004 20:30

I'm glad for you and your children that it went well this afternoon. Well done VSM

Original poster

verysadmum · 08/01/2004 16:46

Thanks

I'm feeling so much better about it today, I did feel a bit down about it again last night but I went to bed earlyish and actually got 5 1/2 hrs sleep!! (I only got about an hour the 2 nights previously) and I could have slept for England had I not had to get up for children/school.

I've had a lot on today so it did take my mind off it a little and it did help. I am going to try to get to bed earlier tonight.

Still can't quite get my head round it all but I'm on my way again... PMA is in sight!

Thanks again. Me xx

OP posts:

LIZS · 08/01/2004 17:15

vsm

Good for you. Think you should take ss view of the situation as a positive endorsement of you as a mother - you have already taken the action to protect your kids after all.

Have you managed to find a solicitor yet ? It might help you deal with Relate sessions better if you felt more sure of your legal position.

Good luck

Festivefly · 08/01/2004 17:25

Glad your feeling a bit better

Original poster

verysadmum · 08/01/2004 18:01

Okay, well my mother popped over just after I'd posted last... (I'm so glad it wasn't yesterday!). I have managed to drop hints although I lied slightly I'm afraid to say. She was complaining about someone elses marriage and I said that it was really their decision etc. I also dropped in (after a deep breath) that we have problems sometimes too. She asked how we were now and I said okayish but not brilliant. She then gave me a bit of a lecture... so I left it.. I thought I'd said enough for now.

I may not sound much but this was a HUGE deal to me.

OP posts:

fio2 · 08/01/2004 18:05

vsm - it must be difficult for you not being to be honest with your parents and the consequences of being honest may bring. I know you said before you couldnt tell them.

Glad you feel better about yesterday though

Original poster

verysadmum · 08/01/2004 18:08

I wish so much that I could tell them and that they would be supportive. I honestly know that neither would happen.. I guess you can't choose your family...

OP posts:

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