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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Yes I've posted about it before but I brought it to a head like you told me to and this happened ...

59 replies

Blink182s · 16/11/2012 12:57

I've had a few threads about this. Boyfriend suggesting things like moving in together and me meeting his kids etc only to turn it back on me and say I'm pressuring him. You all told me to have it out with him. Well, here's what happened.

We're sat on the sofa and he says "will you marry me?"

I'm startled for a few seconds and then see that he's laughing. I've seriously had enough of these mind games so simply laughed and said "yeah, like that would work!". He then got all serious and said "what do you mean by that?? why did you say that??" so I said "well, there's a few things we need to sort out before thinking about THAT don't ya think!" and he replied "like what?"

So, deciding enough is enough I say "you know what, I'm not even going to go into it. You know what I'm on about."

He replies "are you talking about us moving in together again?" and I reply "no, something we need to organise even before that".

He says "do you mean meeting my kids?".

So I said "I'm not going to go into with you, and to be honest, I'm starting to think you enjoy messing with my head."

Now this sparks off our first argument in which he denies playing games and again accusses me of rushing him into things. I then say "you just asked me to marry you!!" and he replies "I was joking for fucks sake!"

I said "well nice to know it's all just a big laugh for you, you don't even realise what you're doing to me do you". His final words on it were "I think you need to stop taking things so seriously".

So was I in the wrong?? he made me feel like I totally over-reacted!

OP posts:
Ahardyfool · 16/11/2012 14:36

Word of advice, mn jocularity aside, the jokes are a bad idea. He doesn't take you seriously as it is.

Just tell him to go take a running jump. Resist urge to plant cream pie in his face, regardless of how darkly comedic your interactions have been to date.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/11/2012 14:37

hang on, is this the guy who acts all serious and then complains of pressure, but when the OP takes the pressure off he gets all needy? i hope not.

Thisisaeuphemism · 16/11/2012 14:41

It's the kind of joke my ds (12) would make.

He sounds like a twat.

dipndunk · 16/11/2012 14:41

wanker.get rid

dipndunk · 16/11/2012 14:42

the "joking" could turn in EA.. red flag

MulledWineOnTheBusLady · 16/11/2012 14:43

ScrambledSmegs is so right. He was expecting you to take him seriously and say yes so that he could watch your face fall as he started laughing.

Nasty piece of work.

DontmindifIdo · 16/11/2012 14:48

agree with MulledWine - I bet if you'd not reacted the way you did but said, "oh I'd love too!" and got excited, he'd have laughed and made you feel all needy and worthless when he told you it was just a joke, because you know, someone wanting to marry you is a joke. Hmm

He's only got upset at your reaction because he was looking forward to making you feel like shit, but instead you made it clear you're not falling for it so now the "problem" isn't that he is dangling commitment he has no intention of actually doing in front of you just to enjoy your disappointed look when he snatches it away again, but that you aren't playing the game.

Think about it, why would he do this if he didn't enjoy making you suffer? I can see no other reason to "joke" about marriage with your partner.

He doesn't actually care about your feelings and seems to enjoy hurting you. And you think you can't do better because....

AbigailAdams · 16/11/2012 14:52

You haven't had it out with him though have you? You just tried to play his mind games. Bin him. That is the only way of having it out with him in language that you both understand.

waltermittymissus · 16/11/2012 17:41

What are you going to do Blink?

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