Yes I've posted about it before but I brought it to a head like you told me to and this happened ...

[Blink182s]

I've had a few threads about this. Boyfriend suggesting things like moving in together and me meeting his kids etc only to turn it back on me and say I'm pressuring him. You all told me to have it out with him. Well, here's what happened.

We're sat on the sofa and he says "will you marry me?"

I'm startled for a few seconds and then see that he's laughing. I've seriously had enough of these mind games so simply laughed and said "yeah, like that would work!". He then got all serious and said "what do you mean by that?? why did you say that??" so I said "well, there's a few things we need to sort out before thinking about THAT don't ya think!" and he replied "like what?"

So, deciding enough is enough I say "you know what, I'm not even going to go into it. You know what I'm on about."

He replies "are you talking about us moving in together again?" and I reply "no, something we need to organise even before that".

He says "do you mean meeting my kids?".

So I said "I'm not going to go into with you, and to be honest, I'm starting to think you enjoy messing with my head."

Now this sparks off our first argument in which he denies playing games and again accusses me of rushing him into things. I then say "you just asked me to marry you!!" and he replies "I was joking for fucks sake!"

I said "well nice to know it's all just a big laugh for you, you don't even realise what you're doing to me do you". His final words on it were "I think you need to stop taking things so seriously".

So was I in the wrong?? he made me feel like I totally over-reacted!

Here's a thought.... (if you can be bothered).... have ready down the back of the sofa a veil, piles of wedding magazines and a fake bouquet. Next time he 'jokes' about marriage go all dewy-eyed, say 'oh darling, yes!!!', pop on the veil, hold the bouquet and start flicking through the magazines talking about vicars and suing people for breach of promise.... Make the bugger blanche....

If he has kids , I asume he has an ex. What are is reasons for his earlier relationshp breaking down? I bet it was all her fault right?

If you are not living together and you have not even met his kids, what have you got to lose? Just tell him to fuck off and find yourself someone who is worth the effort.

It all sounds incredibly dull apart from anything else. I couldn't be arsed to spend my evenings with someone who thinks 'will you marry me? Haha only joking' is funny.

But no, saying 'I won't discuss it' is not having it out with him. Having it out would be saying

'why do you think it is appropriate to talk about things like getting married and moving in only to then say you were joking and try to pretend I am pressurising you. It is either really really thick or manipulative. I want you to explain and I want you to stop it because it's fucking childish and makes you look like a dick'

But tbh he sounds childish and an arse so I am not sure what more you want o achieve.

He does know what the issues are, anyway. ISTR he's used them as excuses himself not so long ago. If the OP mentions moving in/buying a house together/meeting kids/booking a holiday, he can't possibly because of , but if she hasn't mentioned it for a while, he starts talking about how nice it would be if they could move in/buy house/meet kids/book holiday. And then when she tries to do something about making it happen, he was only joking. So this conversation is just the same as the ones they regularly have, with the only difference being that the OP has not subsided, bewildered and slightly depressed, but has fought back. He still managed to make her wonder whether she was being stupid though. It must be emotionally exhausting.

I think you need guidance on being assertive. It will help keep fuckwitted types such as this man away from you. It will also enable you to get what you need from relationships as well as give yourself freely to someone without crossing your own boundaries.

Yes it was all his ex's fault. She was moody, horrible to be around, violent towards him, lazy and selfish. Apparently.

He's said I could never meet his ex as she's a horrible, nasty person.

lol I'm actually starting to laugh at my own gullibility now.

So what are you going to do now Blink?

So now we know why he doesn't want you to meet the kids. Because they might tell you the truth about their mother. Right? Just spend a little time wondering what he might tell his next gf about you. And then set him free to find someone who appreciates his jokes.

Yeah sure she was!!! I wonder what she has to say about him, that he doesn't want you to hear?

He's emotionaly abusive. Dump him and write it off as a lucky escape.

Well he's done you a huge favour, you don't live together, so it'll be relatively mess free to end it.

so simply laughed and said "yeah, like that would work!". He then got all serious and said "what do you mean by that?? why did you say that??"

So he wasn't taking things seriously there? He sounds like an ass OP, sorry. I've not read your other threads but just base on this it sounds like he enjoys mind games.

Can you link to your previous thread please?

Blinks: Give yourself a very lovely early Christmas present - BIN HIM

Please get rid of him. You could have so much more.

'Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me!!!'

Can I just say that the 'mind games' thing - even my own use of 'manipulative' is probably in danger of making him sound like a bloke who is intelligent but emotionally cold in a faintly 'if only i could break through his tortured facade' way. Which is not such a good way to view him really.

I think he is just a bit thick and a massive tool.

Is this man giving you 20 mind blowing orgasms per day, is he an amazing cook who intuitively knows exactly what you want for dinner and has it on the table, and does the washing up, washing, ironing, phones you once a day to tell you he loves you, is always on hand for a full body massage, and great at going clothes shopping with you? Has he helped you build the home of your dreams and maybe even suggested you buy that car that's always caught your eye? Does he make you laugh and smile every second of the day, and never, ever steal the duvet?

Because if he hasn't got at least that many redeeming qualities, wtf are you putting up with the headfuck crap for?

You got brave and then his quick switch scared you into shutting up, hence your not wanting to get into it.

He is fucking with your head and has managed to manipulate you into silence already.

He's a cunt and there is no cure, do yourself a favour and get rid.

I recall your previous threads on this...get rid while you still have your sanity and dignity in tact.

He doesn't want you, he just wants you to want him. Yep like Amber said an incurable cunt OP.

this sparks off our first argument? Make it your first and last. Ditch the twat and spare yourself as well as us more of the same.

I would -

1 Tell him you are pregnant (excitedly and happily), and wait a few days before telling him 'Hahaha, just joking'.

2 Go and see his ex. She will most likely be a nice, normal person who was messed about by piss-taking ExDH.

Then move on.

I would tell him, 'I'm dumping you. No joke. Get out of my life.'

Wow, he sounds...dull. I don't see how you can possibly be wondering if you're in the wrong, as he's so patently out to get a pathetic little ego-boost from you. If you'd have said yes, you know what would have happened, right?

Him: Will you marry me?
You: Yes, yes!

Him: Oh, you didn't think I was serious did you?
You: Oh...
Him: God, will you stop pressuring me?!

It's so bloody juvenile. Just get rid of him, you'll have much more fun without him in your life. He sounds like he sucks the joy out of your life.

Tell him very seriously you have met someone else and will be getting married, love at first sight. Then say Ha ha that was a joke. He sounds awful. No point in staying with him. That doesn't sound nice I know but he needs a wake up call.

By the way. This couch. Who's place is it in?