Internet dating: who's done it and how did it go?

[Tamz77]

I'm a single mum of one, and it's been 5 years - yes, 5 - since I last went on a date. This is particularly getting to me as I'm only 28, I'm actually pretty depressed about it. As it happens I've got no family or friends round here either so not much chance to get away from ds (aged 2) long enough to meet anyone.

Have decided that the internet is my only chance of salvation, but am pretty terrified of the stereotype that the only men on dating sites are axe murderers or paedophiles. Has anyone got any stories (good or bad), hints or tips to share? That would be great as I don't really know where to start, which are the most reputable sites etc, and I'd like to have an idea before I go around paying money to sign up for things!

Thanks in advance!

(ps plese don't laugh at the 5 yrs thing I'm very sensitive about it atm!)

Wouldn't touch it w/a ten-foot barge pole.

Works for others, tho.

we have a single dad on here looking for someone....

A very good friend of mine used match.com and she met a man (after lots of unsuitable matches) for a drink a few weeks ago and they have been inseparable since. He seems nice and we've had dinner with them , and he's been out with us.

I was worried the first time she met him in case he was some weirdo but it's worked for her (so far).

I say go for it - but don't put all your hopes into it!

I used to do serial internet dating when I was at uni (10 years ago now ). It was mostly good fun, none of the men I met were horrible. As long as you apply the usual sensible rules about meeting in a public place etc it should be fine. And email is a good medium for getting to know someone a bit more.

I met dh in a chat room, and my brother met his wife through a dating website.

Met my dh that way so I recommend it enthusiastically to everyone

Just like in real life you get a cross-section - mostly genuine sincere people like yourself, some genuine but not really what you're looking for, and some liars. The internet is a great place for people who like making stuff up so there's nothing wrong with being sceptical. Before I met dh I once went out with someone from a dating site who lied about all sorts of trivial things - eg saying he was an occasional smoker when really he was a constant, heavy smoker - and when I confronted him he said that everybody lied on the internet. Well, actually most people don't IME, but you need to look out for those that do .

When you write your profile you need to strike the balance between being upbeat and being honest - don't do yourself down so much that you put people off but obviously you don't want people to feel misled so you have to try to be true to yourself.

Most sites let you have a trial membership for free so you can check out the talent before you need to hand over any money.

The site where i met dh was called ivorytowers.net, which is not to everyone's taste as you can search according to where you went to university . Most people sign up to several sites to start with to get a feel of where your kind of people hang out.

It can be really fun - good luck!

not read all of theread as Ds's nappy needs changing!
Dont tell anyone, but I met a couple of blokes off the net. Nothing serious.
Always leave your mobile number with a friend and tell her where you are going. leave your mobile number in your car glovebox too!!
Plan to meet somewhere public, and dont be picked up.
Good luck !

I'm cloise to someone who posts on another site i am on, but it isnt a dating site

tbh I would tread with caution, but I wouldn't write it off altogether. I personally don't have experience of internet dating, but I have a friend who met her current dp on an internet dating site and they've been together for around 6 months now. But before he came along she met and was contacted by some very questionable people.

If you're going to be dating people from the net, I would try and do the following:

firstly, I would try and meet the date in person as soon as possible. The internet can be a very deceptive place, and the longer you talk to someone online, the more they can effectively deceive you into believing they're something they're not. It's very very easy to create an internet persona, and you can be hooked before you've even met someone, the longer you talk to someone, the easier it would be for that someone to fool you into thinking they're someone they're not. So i would meet within a couple of weeks at most, of having made the connection.

Secondly, and this is pure common sense stuff, but never give out too much information about your personal circumstances. Never give your address to a man you've never met, and don't give out your home phone number either, give out a mobile number, that way you can switch it off if you don't want to be called by someone you don't want to talk to, and also, it's easy to trace someone if they have a home phone number.

And if you're going to meet someone, make sure you do it in a public place and that someone knows where you are.

I know this sounds like teenage warning type stuff and I don't mean to come across as patronising or lecturing, but I know from first hand experience that people online aren't always what they seem, luckily for me the person I was talking to wasn't in the same country, but I consider myself to be a good judge of character, and I got it totally wrong, I also know of someone who started an on-line relationship with someone who she invited to go and stay with her in the states. He did, (he was from the UK btw), he stayed for two weeks and the day before he was due to leave he raped her and physically asalted her 9 month old DD, breaking her leg. She really thought he was a nice bloke, because he'd led her to believe he was such over the months they'd been talking.

There are some lovely people online, after all we're all on a website now and the vast majority of us don't appear to be freaks, but it's just so much easier to deceive online that it's so much more important to be that much more careful.

One of my best friends met her dh on teletext dating. She went on a couple of dates with other people and then met him. She was able to see what he did for a living etc and talk to him on the phone first so she knew he was normal!!

Agree with wannabe.

I think internet dating has lost lots of its stigma over the last few years, and that's great. It means that there are more likely to be 'normal' people on these sites, for one thing! But you should tread carefully - you need a well-attuned bullshit radar and never give out too much personal info. I would also agree with the 'meet them quickly' thing - don't get into a long-term email correspondence before going out on that first date - mainly because it's best to get the disappointment out of the way early on

You'll get married men/nutters/boring bastards online, just as you would if you walked into a bar and got chatted up.

Fwiw, my brother is 6 months into a relationship with a girl he met through Guardian Soulmates (after many non-starters, it must be said), and many of my single female friends have tried internet dating at one time or another with no ill-effects. If you keep your wits about you and treat it as a bit of fun, you'll be fine - and you never know!

Don't think there is any stigma attached to it, but I don't rate it either. I internet dated for about 18 months. I used 3 sites: Udate, Dating Direct & Love and Friends. I had real-life dates with 16 men during that time who I met through the internet.
While I am sure lots of decent men internet date, I was surprised by the high number of married men, perverts & odd people.
I am happy to admit that after 11 years in a relationship, my t*sser radar was probably not set anything like high enough.
I have now come to the conclusion that it is not the right place for me to meet men, but I think that lots of people have success with it. I did have a laugh doing it, and would say don't be nervous, you've got nothing to lose. Just be sensible & safe.

ditto what Kathy1972 says

Met my dh that way and he's the best thing that ever happened to me (including ds because without dh, ds would never have happend IYSWIM)

Dh may seem odd to a lot of women (can't drive, absolutely no dress sense, kind of mad professor type but younger, vegetarian etc.) but we clicked and I would never have met hime or anyone like him just through friends so I can recommend it though. I suppose the point I'm making (in not a very coherent way) is that one person's odd is another person's yummy.

You will meet some odd people and some nice ones, the key is to keep expectation low and when it gets to you as it will as you meet yet another person who for whatever reason isn't right just take a break. I always liked the fact that I could go back to it whenever I wanted.

Also tbh I met many more attached and married men via clus and bars than I did on the internet. Also I did use other dating services - agencies etc but they were very expensive and in the end I had more success with the internet.

badly - check out the would you tell thread. i spoke to four people. two in a row were attached, one was just mental and the other one went back to his ex before our first date. never never never again. i have heard stories of people getting married etc but i think its rare. jsut remeber people can be anyone they want online and they are approached on a regular basis and can talk without fear of getting caught to lots of other women. go to a bar. its easier to see the tan line on the ring finger.

i used match.com by the way

Lazycow - perhaps the internet is good for meeting mad professor types - my dh exactly

Actually I think to some extent it is, as some people may be doing internet dating precisely because they are more comfortable with the written word than in more of a meat market scenario - I know I am
I love your point that one person's odd is another person's yummy.

The funny thing about my dh and I was that we could easily have met but never did. We overlapped at uni for a while and at our wedding it turned out lots of our friends knew each other. Then really bizarrely it also turned out that we had relatives in the same village who knew each other in all kinds of ways - our wedding was a huge gossip-fest!

I met a couple last year who'd just got married after meeting through the Guardian soulmates column..and my neighbour upstairs confessed to me yesterday he met his partner online..i think it's lovely

OK, so those of you who met your partners / husbands online, how many dates did you have before meeting "the one"?
After 16, I couldn't hack any more - am I just not persistant enough?

A friend of mine met the most amazingly lovely woman through her ad in the Guardian last year: they are madly in love, really happy and getting married in a month's time.

four nearly killed me so 16 is more then enough. very jealous about this guardian thing tho - how sweet

but are they all lefty lentil eating mad professors in the guardian? Nothing wrong with that but it is just so not me!!!

I've always thought about doing this or classified personal ads, but have never got up the nerve.

Not read all posts but just to say good friend of mine met current partner internet dating about 18months ago and they are happily cohabiting now - not sure which site but can find out if you like. She's a big fan and to be honest I'd definitely try it if I was suddenly single and struggling to meet people. At our age its a matter of cutting through the cr*p quickly and not wasting time I guess!

My friend met the father of her ds on an internet dating site. He effed off as soon as she got pg though, so not such an optimistic story, sorry! (He wasn't an axe-murderer or paedophile though, so that was something).