Family feud

[xmasevebundle]

I am the only girl in my family, 4 brothers.

2 of whom i speak to the other 2 i wont.

Happened a while ago due to me being with my exp and treating my mum and dad 'like shit' my brothers gf took it upon herself to say i was in the wrong and even had ago saying how many men i have sex with(its far less than her)

Anyway fast foward a few months, im pregnant and i left my exp cos hes a manchild! I still havent spoken to brother neither his gf since she messaged me. I started arguing with my other brother, we clash a lot.......... He started saying this, he was far worse than what i have done.

On my mums birthday went out for the day 2 out 4 didnt bother as normal, it was a very long day and i said to my mum in the kitchen im going to bed so please done be to fucking loud and smiled. She said okay, then my brother called me twat and hell broke lose. I lost my temper.

His gf smirked in my face and said get the fuck out the house. Asking where my exp was saying hes no where to be seen, baby being a bastard, basically being a bitch. She said dont start on me. If i wasnt pregnant i would of punched her sqaure in the face(sorry!!) BTW its my parents home i pay rent each week without fail.

Then my brother, her partner calls me a slag. This point my mum walked out and i had 2 fully grown men shouting abuse at me. I asked why i was a slag he did not reply. They all went home, mums birthday spoilt.

They deleted my mum off facebook which i think is very cruel as they had the problem with me.

My mum and dad was in a serious car accident. NEITHER rung and asked how they was. I was doing everything for my mum and dad. I was 26w at the time, i even got rushed to hospital be because of a series water infection.

I mean its mostly about my mum as its her children not mine and they do this. If anything happened to either she would do it.

After a year fued with one after he called my mum 'a fucking bint' in town. She helped him move into a flat and he does this?

I feel so helpless, i mean will my mum ever stop enough is enough?

Sorry for the long post.

Im 19, nearly 20.

He didnt chuck me out, i left him. We moved out before i knew i was pregnant( we did live together for 5 months ish)

Still has nothing to do with me, them falling out with with my mum

how has it nothing to do with you? it was because of rows with you that your mum walked out and your dbros haven't spoken to her?

you seem to have changed your tune since last night. you were saying it was because they think your parents wipe your arse for you and that because you were the only girl you got more.

Yes, but thats with me and them. Not my mother.

I have spoken to her about, we was all in the wrong and i did apolgise for about a month.

I agree with what said, we all behaved like children.

so you think them not speaking to her is about something else completely? something else has happened that you dont know about?

Sorry, I think you sound like a nasty piece of work.

Poor your mum! I think maybe the solution would be for you to find a job and move out, and her sons will be back in her life again.

You expect to be blunt, and say "honest" things which in reality is extremely rude and hurtful. Your brothers girlfriends defend your mum, and it all kicks off, with you calling them rude!

Your mum might not be estranged from her other children and cry, if you learnt to speak without swearing and rudeness, and learnt to treat others with kindness and respect.

op is 6 weeks away from giving birth so getting a job might be difficult in the very near future. but i agree with you i think it would probably be best for OP not to be living there.

Yes its partly due to that to some extent, i do think something else has happened.

Thank you i did say to my mum and dad i will move and they asked me not too. I am not working atm, i will when DS is born.

It is honest, the way i come across might be rude but i mean no harm.

I think if i wrote every single thing my other brothers have done i would look like a saint.

Moving on from all of that.

I agreed i would go upstairs on christmas day when they all came over in my own house? (well mum and dads, i still pay towards the house).

they're all coming over? i thought they weren't speaking to your mum?

Why are you living at home if you have 'profession'?

You can't make your dbros behave. They sound like tossers. But I think you need to accept you have had a hand in this. You seem to be trying to make yourself out to be the victim and its clear you are not.

As an aside saying 'don't make any fucking noise' would annoy me as much as someone calling me a twat.

"It is honest, the way i come across might be rude but i mean no harm."

That is how most abusive people excuse themselves.

What steps have you taken regarding your 'anger problem'

You say it's taken you getting pg to 'grow up'? If you've grown up you'll stop all juvenile talk of 'feuds' and saying about one of your dbs that "I'm never talking to him again" and start thinking about the type of family experience you want your forthcoming ds to benefit from.

In the hope they'll follow your example, you're best advised to treat your dbs and their gfs with the courtesy and respect you believe you deserve and rise above it if they don't immediately reciprocate.

In addition, you should take steps to curb your swearing now otherwise your ds will learn from your bad habits which will have an adverse effect on his progress.

This was before the arguement, as we spoke about DS home on christmas day.

Im living at home due me and exp moving out and we spilt up and therefore didnt move intogether. I cant get anywhere to live until DS is born-a year. I would have to work straight after the birth and i dont really want to that.

Im not playing the victim, i just wanted to know how i could help/support my mum.

I have been anger managment twice, yes it did work. But not when you push push push someone and the explode.

izzyizin. I agree, yes it did take to get pregnant to understand life a lot more. Due the exp situation.

I dont think i would respect any brother of mine who wished my unborn child dead. Its very sick isnt it? Same with my other brother calling me a 'slag'.

I am trying to curve the swearing!

reading the post i just feel sorry for your mum your post come,s across has not caring.

But not when you push push push someone and the explode

So do you explode atvemployers etc? I think you may need some more anger management. Because, while you may have improved, there is still some work to do.

Not caring? I do care a lot for my mum and dad, thats why when they had a series car crash(dad couldnt walk) i was doing everything for a month. Cleaning, shopping(i cant even drive) etc. What did my brothers do? Ermmm nothing

Not even a phoncall, my dad nearly died that night but no-one seemed to care or even bother to ask if they needed anything.
No i have not, i dont get angry at work. I enjoy working/talking to clients.

You may have attended anger management sessions or courses twice but it hasn't worked - if it had, you'd be bomb proof.

Time to shop around for another course and this time put your mind to it for the sake of your forthcoming child because lack of a sleep and a screaming baby will push your anger buttons to the limit.

i think your family dynamic triggers certain buttons in you. i understand why you can hold your temper at work but not at home. families can have this infuriating knack of knowing exactly what buttons to push to get you to explode. BUT. i agree you need to go back into anger management and relearn the skills that you had so that you can rise above any taunting or goading that gets thrown at you.

why can you only get somewhere to live when your baby is 1 year old? you are employed aren't you? you will be getting maternity pay and once your son is born, tax credits and child benefit. also your baby's father will be expected to pay 15% of his income for the support of the baby. you could also be eligible to receive housing benefit. i was seperated from my EX when my ds was born and i moved into a private rental (i was on maternity pay too). have you gone to find out what benefits you would be entitled to? i think you should. it's time to start standing on your own feet and not falling back into this 'baby of the family' role that you seem stuck in.

No when i fell pregnant i was doing a farming course, i quit due sheep(i worked a lot with) and was not really the best to whilst pregnant.

No way could i rent private, where i live is not cheap id at least need £500 a month for rent. The council wont house me as i am under 25 a live with my parents.

I did want to move out when i found out after i split with exp, my mum wrote a note saying i have been kicked out etc, but refused to even house me that night. I would be up in a B'N'B with a newborn until they found a place for me to live.

I will go back into hairsdressing roughly when DS is 6 months.

I thought you were a hairdresser. What's with the sheep?

I am? I did that from when i was 16-18. I did a course from 18-19.

Sheep can cause miscarriage and damage your baby. Thats why i left, also the chance of ringworm plus everything else you get on a farm!

But why were you doing that if you already had proper training as a hairdresser?

Actually, forget it. I don't know why I am asking really. I think I get the picture.

£500 a month is pretty good tbh. it's at the lower end of the market. i'd be surprised if you'd get anywhere decent in the country for much less than that.

ok so you will get maternity allowance, child tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit, council tax benefit (is that what it's called? i'm in NI) and child support from your ex. you could look into renting privately. also, once you have a baby you will then have a dependant so would move up the list for council housing.

tbh though i wouldn't be waiting on the council to house me. you could be waiting a long time. get down to all the local estate agents, tell them what you need, work out what you can afford and give them your budget. also ask them to find out from potential LLs which ones would be willing to negotiate on the price. (i negotiated mine down by £50 a month because it had been sitting empty for almost a year and wasn't in great decorative condition) there are LL's who will be willing to work with you if you seem like a good prospective tenant. and dont have unrealistic expectations. you may have to compromise on location and/size etc. find out what the local HB rate is for an adult and a baby. if you want it you have to go get it. dont wait for it to be brought to you.