I can't go on.

[DeadInside]

I don't know what to do. H and I had an arguement on Saturday. He pushed me (by the throat) so hard I feel over and hit my head on a chest of drawers. I think I landed badly on my hip too as it's quite bruised and it hurts to walk. I got up and he pushed me again, this time into the wall.

I called the police as I am now seriously frightened of him. They took him for questioning but of course I didn't press charges as he would have lost his job and with it the house we live in. He is back in the huse but we don't speak.

The thing is I now know exactly who he is. He has hurt me before in arguements but not for a yeat at least. I am afraid of him and know that from now on a part of me will always be afraid. I know he can and will hurt me. He has said 'sorry' but in a way whoch makes it clear he doesn't mean it. He says I have hurt him in the past. I have pucnhed him in the arm before yes, never hard, never with the intent to really really hurt him and never inteding to frighted him. But it was wrong, yes.

We have 2 DC. He has slowly begun to poisen the eldest again me. He undermines me and encouages talking back and refusing to do anything I ask.

I can't go on. I am drowning in fear and hate. But of course there is the panic. I am in tbe position Xenia constantly tells us 'only a moron would put themselves in', I have no job so no income and nowhere to go. My spine has turned to jelly. I despise myself. How did I end up with someone who would hurt me? I look at my friends and I know their husbands wouldn't hurt them. He has always had a temper, but I didn't know he could go this far. He pushed me not knowing or caring what woukd happen. At deep down I think ge was pleased I hit my head as I was hurt, but he can say he didn't hit me.

He tells me I'm unhinged and that he'll tell SS I tried to kill myself (7 years ago) so he'll get the children. I don't know what to do. I think he wants me to have breakdown. I think he will keep on until I crack and do something silly.

I really think a refuge would be your best bet. Women's Aid can help you with that. Although it will be traumatic, it will serve several purposes:
? It will clearly demonstrate the fear you have of your H. No one is going to disbelieve you when you then say he is abusive.
? It will give you somewhere safe to go that isn't your parents' place and where you can be protected from your H.
? It will provide you with someone to walk you through the process of applying for housing and state financial support for you and your DC.

Leaving is hard. It's often a more scary thought than staying and 'coping' and initially it can feel worse than coping. But the rewards are immense. Not only for you, but also for your DC, and for your relationship with each other.

I would use the present time to gather all the things you need, such as documentation, etc., and then leave as soon as you can. It would probably be best to do it when your H isn't there, but you can request a police presence to help you leave if that's what you'd prefer.

If you're worried about the police not being supportive, don't be. Did you minimise your H's behaviour to the police and swear blind that it was an accident? I only ask because it's not up to the victim of a DV assault to decide whether or not to press charges. That decision lies with the police themselves precisely because so many victims are too scared to proceed with complaints against their partners. However, if you insisted it was an accident and both of you corroborated the story, there is little the police could have done. However, even if you signed a statement to that effect, it's not too late to call them and explain the true situation so that you can get their support on leaving.

Good luck.

You need to get his abusiveness and violence on record in as many places as possible - GP, health visitor, police (they will have this), Sure Start. Contact Women's Aid for advice - they will have heard your story many, many times before, and will be aware that men like this make wild accusations about their partner harming/abducting/threatening children.

You have had a head injury. You need to see your GP or go to A&E today. When you do, make sure they know that your head injury is a result of his violence.

Please leave. Please don't make your children grow up with this violent and abusive man. It is setting them a very bad example of what an adult relationship is like. He will turn on them at some point too. You have to get away from him for their sake as well as your own.

I second what Agatha says about being believed. Men like your H tend to follow a script, and it nearly always involves threats of going for custody and accustations of being an unfit, unstable mother. In most cases, the abuser doesn't carry out the threat because the responsibility and effort of being the primary carer for the DC is just too much and conflicts with the abuser's need for life to be all about them and for their needs to take priority. Women's Aid, the police, your HV, SS - they are all trained in DV and know this. They will have come across men like your H many times before and know 'the script'. While some of those agencies will be duty bound to investigate those claims, they will do so with more than a pinch of salt.