Is this normal?

[Jubaloo222]

Have been married for 5 years, together 7, have two beautiful dc's.

Is it normal to not be aloud to even have a conversation let alone be friends with a guy?

Got married and settled down young, i'm 25 he's 35. Can i only speak too/ know women? I feel like I'm trusted, but never aloud to be in a situation when I'm not, IYSWIM. I don't go out on the town, Well have a few times but its not worth the hassle, I'll be in the 'doghouse' for days with shitty comments about other men.

He is the lovelist guy he just thinks I'm gonna run off with someone I think. I trust him completely with everyone. Wish he could me. Any ideas? Or am I over reacting? I just want to have a night out with the girls without an interrogation for days after.

I have never cheated, or even thought about it. I feel really trapped in a way. Hopefully you wise women will tell me this is normal and to get over it

Not at all normal no he is insecure and controlling

No not normal. He shouldn't be treating you this way.

Not normal at all.

Not normal. Very controlling. How is your relationship other than this? What does he do that makes him the loveliest guy?

Its not normal, and he is not lovely.

It's not normal. Do you want to live the rest of your life like this?

He is not lovely, it is not normal.

Don't fall for his bullshit which I expect is along the lines of 'I trust you but not all the blokes who are out looking for a snog/shag', or 'but you are just so beautiful I can't bear the thought of you leaving me'. And other such gems.

You were barely more than a child when you met your DH, he was an adult. It is time to show him that you have grown up - you are a woman and a mother and his equal.
If he doesn't like that, then you have a big problem.

Not remotely normal.

So - what's causing it? Option A - he's not actually all that trustworthy himself, and he's projecting what he's like on to you. Option B - he has massive security issues and is incapable of ever trusting anyone, even people who love him. Option C - it's a deliberate attempt to control you.

Agree it is not normal and not ok.

Also agree with alibaba. I am always suspicious about much older adults who seek relationships with teenagers for exactly that reason.

Oh ffs, bloody hell and my god, NO, this is not normal.

Listen to everyone who is saying to you that he is not a lovely guy. Lovely guys let you talk to whomsoever you please. Lovely guys do this because they want to see you happy. Lovely guys love seeing their loved ones happy, not terrified.

Yep I kinda already knew it wasn't. Getting worse over time. How can i fix this? I tell him i hate it that he doesn't trust me and he say's he does and that he's sorry etc. Then it starts again when I have a conversation with say the plumber. He's lovely because, well, he adores us in every way, works hard for our family and is so caring would do anything for anyone.

No, so very far from being normal - and something that needs to be dealt with, not got over.

I doubt he adores you, if he is so jealous and controlling it is more likely he possesses you.

I don't know if you can fix it. Do you obey him when he dictates? What does he do if you speak to a man?

It is nothing to do with trust btw, it is possession.

And yep alibaba that exactly what he says... Wow there a guide book!? [Hmm] No I'm not happy like this. But I love everything else about him.

If he adored you, he would know that you would not cheat on him, and therefore would trust you.

How can i fix this?

He fixes it. He (in theory) recognises that the problem is his. Now he needs to fix it.

It is dangerous to be with

Oops, someone who treats you as a possession.

No I don't obey. Well I don't think I do. I'm not frightened. It's more silent treatment snide comments etc. I hate arguing.

Ok so I'm gonna be a big girl. Shit, easier said than done. Everyone thinks we're so perfect. We're stable, I want that for my kids.

You cannot fix this. All you can do is tell him that you won't allow him to dictate to you in this way any longer. It is up to him to get his head around it and behave as a proper loving husband should.

You can tell him that if he really did love and adore you, then he would want you to be happy. And that his current behaviour isn't making you happy.

Don't get bogged down into a scenario where you are constantly having to reassure him that you aren't planning to run off with the milkman or your neighbour or whoever else. This is his issue, and he needs to find a way to stop behaving like such a prat.

If he adored you, he wouldn't treat you like this.

He has a go at you for talking to the plumber?!

He wants you to be a meek little woman in the corner, doing as she is told. He doesn't love you - he feels he owns you.

There is nothing you can do to change his mentality.

Been there done that. Put your foot down, you know your not gonna do anything even if the most handsome man came onto you. So tell him to pipe down and talk to who you want. It's entirely his problem.

My DP used to be a bit like this, not with men, just certain types that didn't fit in with his perfect little world. I told him not to be so silly and did what I wanted. Then I refused to talk to him about it afterwards if he tried to make a scene or just acted like nothing was different and there was nothing for him to get all hot and bothered about.

He's fine now, normal as the next bloke... Training can pay off if you have faith and there's a decent sort underneath all the bluster and years of conditioning by parents others.

"Well have a few times but its not worth the hassle, I'll be in the 'doghouse' for days with shitty comments about other men."

He's acting like a Victorian patrician father rather than an equal partner. This is how inadequate, controlling, possessive bullies keep you down. Using the completely false rationale of 'I don't want to lose you', they set up ridiculous rules & make life miserable if you break them. When you get to the stage where it's not worth the hassle they've succeeded in changing your behaviour - which was the objective all along. Allow it to go on happening in order to keep the peace and one day you will wake up and wonder.. Where did I go? What have I turned into?

What else doesn't he like you doing? Wearing particular clothes? Having your hair-cut a different way? Having some ambition like starting a business or getting a better job? Going places without him? Starting a hobby where you might meet other people? .... Do you feel like you can do anything you like or are you always second-guessing what his reaction's going to be before you do anything?

Reject this controlling behaviour at all costs, and don't tolerate any hint of sniping or silent treatment whatsoever. It is not normal.