Got it right in the end!!!

[Gotitwrong]

Hi - haven't been on MN for a couple of years now!!
Posted mainly under the nickname "worthless" and then name-changed!!
But I've now got it right :-)
Quick recap.
Aged 46 (scary) 3 children now aged 16, 13 and 9
Been with husband since I was 16.
Been so unhappy for so many years and did what a lot of us do and just carry on "for the kids"
Problems escalated. Got advice from MN, ready Lundy, and got a backbone!!
Years of being a 1950's wife.
Emotional abuse.
Physical abuse.
Sexual abuse.
But it was all my fault, or in my head!!!
I did all the childcare, cooking, cleaning, and worked - of course I did as "that is what wives and mothers do"
A good wife also has sex 4/5 times a week even when they are being treated like shit don't they??
BUT NO MORE........
I kicked him out 18 months ago :-)
I did it - I actually did it :-)
Omg why did I wait so long??
Kids happy, I am happy :-)
Life is good, life is fun, life in our house is full of love and laughter :-)
I bloody well did it!!!!
Just about to get my decree absolute - so I am finally free from the bastard that I let nearly ruin my life and my kids lives!!!!
So ladies if I can do it - trust me you can too!!
I just wanted to tell you all to be brave and take that leap of faith.
"If you are not living your life with the love of your life then what kind of life are you living"????

Yes he is a nasty piece of work :-(
That's why I won't let him hurt me anymore.
I no longer dread the sound of the key in the door.
I no longer dread going to bed.
I look forward to weekends.
I had my first holiday without him ever this year and for the first time ever felt excitement in my belly.
I feel free to be me :-)
It's an amazing feeling :-)

Congratulations! You sound amazing. Be proud of yourself.

Well I'm off to bed now.

Woke up this morning feeling strong and ready to share my update with you :-)

Then the post arrived and I found myself DIVORCED and had a bit of a wobble :-(

Now I feel calm, at peace and relieved that it is finally finally over :-)

For anyone else currently going through what I went through then please please just do it!!!

Do it for you
Do it for your children
You only have one life - an unknown number of years on this planet.
Make them good years, safe years, loving years

Think happy, do happy, be happy :-)

Night night

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us- Joseph Campbell

Saw this and thought of you!!

Thank you for that quote :-)

I think that for women to leave an abusive relationship does indeed take many months and more often than not years!!!

Men in general leave for another woman.....how many men do you know that left a marriage to be on their own????

It is a very hard decision to leave when you know that you are going to be on your own especially when you have children. You absorb all the feelings of guilt, failure, broken dreams, hopes that will never be fulfilled, tears both yours and your children's, fear, panic, financial difficulty, shame.........loneliness.......

but do you know what....... the loneliness that I felt intitially was nothing compared to the loneliness of living in a loveless, abusive marriage.........
that was the most soul destroying thing I have ever done!!!!!!

I will never ever let that happen again - to me or my children :-)

Op thank you sp much for posting this thread.

I know I have been among the posters on here who get frustrated when women seem to come back time and time again with the same problems with their partners and not do anything about it. Your thread is a great boost to all of us- we know that sometimes it takes time and people need to think and decide carefully but this is evidence for us that our efforts to help don't go unneeded!

What an exciting and scary time for you - a new life, all the possibilities it holds. Congratulations on your bravery. Be happy x

Hello, only just spotted this and so glad you're not "worthless" any more!

Of course it took you a long time to break free. You were with him from your formative years and didn't know anything different. However, despite his efforts to drag you down, you managed to have three fantastic, sensible children and a career, so the years weren't totally wasted by any means.

Interesting to observe that the self-centred git isn't howling his eyes out; he's quite quickly got someone else and moved on. No need at all to feel guilty about abandoning him with his issues. He's quite fond of his issues and has no intention of parting with them.

Inspirational gotit! Well done on travelling such a difficult road and coming out fighting!