Got it right in the end!!!

[Gotitwrong]

Hi - haven't been on MN for a couple of years now!!
Posted mainly under the nickname "worthless" and then name-changed!!
But I've now got it right :-)
Quick recap.
Aged 46 (scary) 3 children now aged 16, 13 and 9
Been with husband since I was 16.
Been so unhappy for so many years and did what a lot of us do and just carry on "for the kids"
Problems escalated. Got advice from MN, ready Lundy, and got a backbone!!
Years of being a 1950's wife.
Emotional abuse.
Physical abuse.
Sexual abuse.
But it was all my fault, or in my head!!!
I did all the childcare, cooking, cleaning, and worked - of course I did as "that is what wives and mothers do"
A good wife also has sex 4/5 times a week even when they are being treated like shit don't they??
BUT NO MORE........
I kicked him out 18 months ago :-)
I did it - I actually did it :-)
Omg why did I wait so long??
Kids happy, I am happy :-)
Life is good, life is fun, life in our house is full of love and laughter :-)
I bloody well did it!!!!
Just about to get my decree absolute - so I am finally free from the bastard that I let nearly ruin my life and my kids lives!!!!
So ladies if I can do it - trust me you can too!!
I just wanted to tell you all to be brave and take that leap of faith.
"If you are not living your life with the love of your life then what kind of life are you living"????

It's just the shock of knowledge that you are finally free. Have some sweet tea and look after yourself for a bit

I remember you. I am so glad you finally escaped this vile man. He is somebody doesn't problem now, feel sorry for her.

Congratulations. I for one raise my cup of tea for you.

Somebody else's

Wow surprised people remember me after so long!!!
Glad it's my day off and I have some time to compose myself before kids get home !!

Yes it's a shock!!

The irony is HE DIVORCED ME for unreasonable behaviour!!

FFS I gave him everything body, mind, soul :-(

Married 25 years!!!

Please hold my hand !!!!

We are holding on tight.. Don't be blown off course now, you sounded so calm and at peace before.

The paperwork and what says is irrelevant really. All you need to know is you are finally free

Thanx :-)

I posted today as I finally felt strong and wanted to share my story just in case it helped anyone else !!

Wasn't expecting the decree absolute till next week!!

Now I don't know what I feel :-(

Guilty..... I don't DO failure !!!

My career is male driven and I've succeeded in that :-)

I am a professional - keeping a 4 bedroom house for me and the kids in a very expensive part if the country!!

My kids are well balanced and happy and doing well at school :-)

I thought I was a "good wife"

Home cooked food, clean and tidy house, still looked after myself IYKWIM ??

And the idiot divorced me!!!

The irony!!!

congratulations on your divorce!

Am in from work now, let me get me coat off, and I'll toast you with a

So ashamed to admit that I have done a bottle of red already!!!

God felt empowered this morning - hence my post!!

Now feeling like shite :-(

Feeling a failure
Feeling like I let my kids down
Feeling like I wasted 30 years of my life
Feeling ashamed and embarrassed that I could have loved someone so abusive for so long!!
Feeling stupid
Feeling numb but sad!!!

Words of wisdom anyone ???

Words of wisdom ?

sleep on it

you'll be feeling grand in the morning (except for the headache )

you know you had to get away from him any way you could. So what if he divorced you (on paper). Who gives a shit. It won't be your epitaph. Your epitaph is that you found peace and contentment against the odds, and protected your children

so what if it took you so long ? Rejoice in the fact you are not spending the next 30 pretending that you had a good marriage.

please don't punish yourself...that fucker did enough of that to last you a lifetime. You don't have to do it anymore.

Could you ring a gf to come round tonight ?

You shouldn't be on your own, love. Just remember this man has no more power to hurt you. If you punish yourself, he is still doing it !

Was talking to my sister about this kind of thing. She divorced reasonably amicably and five years after they separated by which time she was very well sorted and had no regrets...BUT she said she still sobbed her heart out when the final divorce papers arrived in the post.

Was supposed to be going out with a GF but I've just cancelled it!!

Can't face anyone :-(

Weird my friends been texting me all day with congrats etc but I feel numb!!

No - one absolutely no-one in RL knows what I went through apart from those of you that have read my posts !!!

Too ashamed to tell anyone - but you don't know me so feel safe :-)

You do what you need to tonight. If you want to get pissed and cry your eyes out, do that. If you want to crawl under the duvet, do that. If you want to get it all out on MN, do that.

Nothing has changed just because you got the piece of paper. It's just proof that it has happened, but you knew that already

Yes I knew that years ago !!!
Should have done it years ago!!
But I have done it now :-)

So if there is anyone going through this now then I beg you to be strong!!

Do it for yourself
Do it for your children

Let them see that living in this toxic abusive environment is not normal!!
Please don't live this life because of your children
They deserve so much more
They need to see you being strong
They need to see what love is and should be
Do it for them :-)

Be back later as now got to walk son to rugby training instead of driving !!!!

Hopefully the night air willl wake me up lol xx

Take care, sweetheart

You are allowed 1 day ow wallowing and being upset. It is only natural.
This truely is the end today. The end of something that started out full of hopes and dreams--unfortunatly it turned out to be a night mare but you have your lovely DC's to show for it.

Tomorrow you will wake up full of new hopes and dreams for you and your DC's. The start of something new and better now you are free...

You wallow all you want tonight --let it all out, we will be here to handhold if needed.

chin up

Another offer of hand holding.
My lovely lovely DD downloaded two of those crappy sayings from facebook.
Crappy they certainly are, but they made me cry and I am passing them on hoping they will help

1. People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.
2. Storms don't last forever

So cry, but know that, thanks to how strong you were, you never have to live with a shitface again- and neither do your children.

I remember your thread! :)

You are amazing. Well done.

Just had a nice parting text from my now ex-husband!!!!

"Thanks for the memories - you manipulative, lazy liar. Hope you die alone which you will as no-one would put up with what I've put up with for years"

NICE !!!!!

No response from me needed
I owe him no conversation
I seriously think he needs help!!!!

Here's to the rest of my life - 46 isn't THAT old is it ???

:-) :-) :-) I'm free :-) :-) :-)

Delurking to cheer you on. Have as many wobbles as you like- his text proves you've done the right thing and you're FREE. Freedom can be scary, but it's so much better than being shackled to an arse like that.

He seems to have confused his phone with a mirror.

Thank god you're free now to be happy and safe.

I remember your thread too. Sooo glad you got rid of his worthless sorry arse. Really really glad you are happy. Don't worry about the divorce, let him have his moment. It'll be the last he has at your expense. It really won't matter in a few months. Hollow point made.

(Also really glad you have disengaged. That'll wind him up more than anything)

Well that text says it all eh? One last dig to try and get at you.. shame it doesn't work anymore isn't it...

Big Congratulations to you and no - 46 is definitely not old!!! still so much time to actually live your life the way you want and deserve to.. Time to smile.. Enjoy!

Ha - love that phrase wheredidiputit! Sums him up nicely.

What a nasty piece of work he is!
Glad you're free of this very sick minded man.

I think every woman going through what you've been through should read your excellent 17.01 post. Congratulations Gotit!