I really don't know what to do/ think.

[NeedToSleepZZZ]

I found out last night that my OH has been having extremely flirtatious conversations via facebook with someone that goes to the same aikido class as him.

This is the third time he has done this (different women and over 3 years)and although there has never been any physical cheating (to my knowledge) I am bereft. We have a 21 month old ds and, after the last time I thought things were really different for us. I was so happy with him and I thought he was with me. Things have just started to improve (new job for him, possible new house) and I felt so close to him.

He had a problem with alcohol and one of my requests was that he sorted this out if we were to stay together. He saw a counsellor and has been dry for a year now, he really wanted to show I could trust him and that he loved me.

Sorry if this is a bit muddled, I am all over the place. I have packed him a bag to collect after work as I think I need time to think about what to do next but inside I'm desperate for him to just hug me and for us to work it out.

I hate the thought of ds growing up without his dad at home, I had a bad experience with my biological father so this may be clouding my judgement.

Not sure what I'm asking for, maybe some ideas on what to do or stories from anyone that's been through this would help. I do love him dearly and he is a good man apart from this.

Thanks so much Salty.

Ds is 21 months, he is so amazing it breaks my heart to hear him ask for dadda atm.

You're right about OH not trying that hard, he apologised a lot and cried a lot but, realistically, there was nothing he said that made me feel as if we had a chance at a future.

We're being surprisingly grown up about the whole thing and have come up with a plan for access and child suport. He said that the child support will be for me and that he will buy ds anything he needs. I know I sound cynical but I think that's the guilt and regret speaking and he might change his mind about that in a few months.

We have the following arrangement for the moment:

Monday and Wednesday he'll collect ds after work and give him his dinner and a bath then bring him home.

Friday the same but he'll stay the night at his parents' house and have Saturday together until after dinner.

At first I said alternative Friday nights but that was because of my needs not ds's. It's so hard to think clearly and know what's for the best. I don't know what to say to ds about it, he understands quite a lot for his age.

needto you must feel so confused and dazed by everything. I can't imagine how you're feeling - must be like your world quite literally turned upside down and the floor pulled away from you. I don't really know what to suggest with DS. It will take him some time to adjust but children can adapt and adjust more than we realise I think. They do understand alot, even at this age, so maybe just tell him how Daddy is moving out to live with his GPs (I'm assuming here) and he will see him later today/tomorrow/whenever next planned. Alice loves looking at pictures of people in our family and saying 'Nanny' 'Daddy' etc to whoever is in the picture, maybe doing things like that and then when he sees a picture of his Daddy you can talk to him about how Daddy lives in another house now but still loves him. Lots of hugs x

Well done for making the right decision

Although it is devastating now, when you look back you will see you did yourself and your ds a massive favour. I wish more women who got treated like shit by faithless men would do what you have done.

Well done you! I know it feels shit right now but you have done the right thing for both you and your DS. Your DS will be absolutely fine, and you are stronger than you think.

My only other comment is to get whatever he has promised in writing. Guilt is a fleeting emotion...

Thank you, good point about getting it in writing. My biological father left the country when he ran off and didn't pay any child support so I am very cynical about any verbal promises.

Have now started a thread in lone parents, never thought I'd be posting there but what a great bunch of mnetters x