How and why did I lose all my friends?

[Secretservice]

I'm feeling so sad today. I just want to hide away and cry, because there doesn't seem to be anyone left in RL to talk to.

I've tried to keep upbeat, cos I hate feeling so pathetic and worthless. It's not really me, but just don't have the energy left to fake it anymore.

My h left in July, but is back, not because he wants to be, but because ow threw him out. And he's not going anywhere. Sol said I had little chance of getting occupation order. Can't sell house not enough equity, rent for me and 3 DCs would cost more than mortgage etc etc.

But the real point of the post is that nobody outside the house seems to care. My 'friends' just seem to have disappeared, some a few years ago when we moved, despite promises to keep in touch. But the final straw was texting two yesterday both of whom I've known for more than 20 years, saying I was struggling, to get only one reply saying 'sorry to hear that, we must get together soon, but busy til after Xmas'! :(

I have no friends where I live. Only socialise with people from work, which is two hours away. but I'm on holiday this week and facing the prospect of having to sit in my room tonight and all day tomorrow, as I can stand to be in the same room as h, but nor do I want to go out by myself and reinforce the sense that there's nobody else.

So what I need is some tips on getting thru til next Thursday, when I go back to work.
Sorry it's so long. Maybe that's a clue as to where my friends went - I bored them away

Have taken all you're advice to heart. Thank you, you all helped me thru a very low patch. And guess what? Just a little bit of positive thinking has made such a huge difference.

Stuff with H is not the end of the world, I think he's in far the worse position, the kids are wary of him and prefer to be in my company for tv and general evening activities so he's the one watching us laugh together while he's making his fourth lot of pasta and bacon this week:)

And on the encouragement of new friend I forced myself to break the ice with on Saturday, I joined an OD site and have a date lined up for tomorrow! I'm not expecting much from it, tbh, but it's still exciting and such a boost to my sense of well- being:)
But most importantly I'm not sure any of it would have happened without all your care and advice. Thank you

Have you tired any single parent network groups. We have one in Brighton called spin and it has been good for me. Lovely to meet people in the same boat and at different stages as they can help you see some perspective on things. I have just googled very quickly and their is one in North Kent called SPANK.

tried even. typing quickly as should be doing something else LOL

Glad to hear about the date secret and it must be reassuring that your kids want to be in your company - sometimes it feels as if everyone's forgotten you, I'm sure they haven't, they're just being kids!

That North Kent group sounds interesting

Well done SecretService, I'm really pleased for you.

SPANK sounds like more fun than I'm looking for, happylander:) but thanks very much for looking it up for me. Will see if there's an east Kent version

I just hope it lasts Beth! I will keep referring back to this thread if/when I start to sink again to remind myself how soon things can seem to change, when actually very little has happened.

Now, just have to practice strategies on how to manage my expectations for tomorrow night or I'll be back sooner than I, or more importantly you who are kind enough to listen to my poor-me drivel, would want :)

I think it is only a single parents group or is it something more I didn't look at actual site!

Oh think you access it via netmums and maybe not type SPANK into google! I am sorry LOL

arf re SPANK

I don't know how you can not get excited about a date tbh... but we're here, give us the low down!

What do you need to know Springy? :)

I fear my excitement is now curdling into anxiety! What should I wear? What will we talk about? Will I remember how to flirt? And, eek, what happens if there's chemistry? Will have the strength to say no, as I know I should, after almost a year of enforced celibacy and 20 years with just one man? Eek.

You don't have to flirt. Just have a nice time with someone you're getting to know as a friend and see where it leads? Just chat - ask about him, that never fails (but if he doesn't ask about you then watch out). It's up to you if you shag him but personally I'd wait a bit.

only joking about the bated breath sort of - you know, how it went, what happened, where you went, what he was like...

awww I'm so happy that things are starting to turn around for you!
wear what looks great BUT is very comfortable (and warm lol) and great if theres chemistry!!! thats what you hope for!!! And umm say no and get something in the meantime cough dildo cough ;) x

Of course you're right! Shows what a state I'm getting myself into. At least you didn't say just be yourself, that'd put the mockers on it totally :)

There's not many others I could tell, so if you really want to know, springy, I'll submit a full report from train on way home :)

yes please!

Just a little word: I think everybody else is going to see your report. Just so you know.

We'll all be cheering you on and jeering if he's a nobber

Ahh, yes. Bringing out the exhibitionist in me :)
I'm an open book, me!

Aw, good luck. FWIW, I think you sound lovely

Aww. Thank you Carly, that's a lovely thing to say. I will remind myself of it when I'm coming home all sad and deflated tomorrow!

Hi secretservice - have just read this whole thread and was just thinking the same thing when i read carlywurly's comment - you sound like such a lovely person and i wish i was in your area to meet up and hang out!!
Will be checking any updates on this thread to hear how your date went - be safe and have a laugh!

You asked for it, well Springy did, so you can blame her:)

Just had the most unusual two hours of my life! From meeting him, to the chaste kiss goodbye he talked about little else but how lovely I am, how he wanted to make me happy! Lapped it up at the time, as it wasn't creepy or threatening, but now I'm not so sure.

I've never been that comfortable with compliments but I would've lying if I said I didn't enjoy it!

Now have to decide on another date next week, he wanted sooner, or to stop it in its tracks. He was reasonably attractive and seemed a genuinely sweet bloke, but I know myself enough to know sweet is unlikely to cut it for me long term

I hope the dating quiche don't think I'm setting up a rival thread!

But I can't believe how my life has been this past week - started a thread about how miserable and lonely I was - finish it with lovely MNers wanting to hangout with me, a new RL friend and a date besotted on first sight!

Life sure is weird and wonderful

aw see him again! if only to get soaked in a bit of adoration. You could do with it, your home life is so shit, you've had a very shit time. Lap up this guy's adoration, if only for the short term. You could do with it (said that twice).

leetle bit uncomfortable with him wanting to make you 'happy' - nobody can do that - but, no matter. See how it goes? but keep him on a long lead

(probably going to get besieged with posts saying how dare you refer to men as dogs springy)

That was odd, well odder, Springy, particularly as I had not give him any reason at all to think I was unhappy!

I am very tempted to bask, but feel a bit mean as its very unlikely I'll be returning the compliment, so the leash would be very long!

Bastard, bastard, bastard!!!!

He doesn't even know about last night but bastard H has managed to drag me right back down to earth. How can I have spent 20 years caring for such I self-absorbed twat. I always though a split would be amicable, we're both civilised people I thought. Wrong!

I think this is as close to hard as I've ever been

:( what's up?

Dont let him get you down!

Sorry, myroom. Attention seeking, much? .

Calmed down a bit now! Another of those arguments which started out with me suggesting that maybe if he was out for the day, possibly thru to tomorrow morning, 3 pizzas and a banana was not adequate provision for his kids. Especially as dd2 is still on half term. And if he didn't have time to get in at least a loaf of bread and some fruit he could leave money.

Ended, as it always does, with me being the selfish one, and none of this would've happened if I hadn't realise there was a life out there that I was missing! Or words to that affect.

Oh and he also said that i chose to take on the cc debt I took out to get his creditors of his back, so therefore it was my debt alone [anger]

I know I shouldn't let him get to me, but ... I'm borderline Buddhist when it comes to hurting living things, but I was, for a split second, disappointed that he took the train, the way he drives he's bound to be in an accident soon. And that he's done that to me makes me even madder