Said he won't marry me

[riamay2011]

Last night my partner had a few to drink and as they always say the truth comes out after a few.
You may remember me from last week how he said the 5k that my dad was giving us wasn't enough for our wedding...
Anyway, we got talking and he said he doesn't want to marry me and the fact that he is still married and not even thought about getting divorced is not a big deal as it is just a piece of paper despite me having his 2 babies!
He also said he wasn't prepared to marry me until I have made him happy and he is satisfied
I am very upset and made me re think our whole relationship.
Is it worth it? What would u girls say?

i suppose there is no possibility of him playing the long game and eventually planning to return to his wife with a big chunk of money?

can that categorically be ruled out? Am I ridiculously cynical? Perhaps a victim of far too many trashcrap magazines? i don't know.

All I can say is please don't let your heart rule your head, OP. Try to take a step back and look at what is going on here.

I bet he wants her to contribute to it, even though her name won't be on it, thought, MrsT.

I don't know, I just have big bells, hell, a siren going off in my head!

I second Hecate! Op I don't want to upset you but I think it's a distinct possibility he could be seeing his wife still. Why else would he refused to get divorced?

Maybe that is the answer, Hecate. Just say that you are happy to move into a house which he and his DF own but you are of course not paying for it. Get a buy to let property and build your own equity in your own name.

do not move into a house that is not bought in your name as well as his. Just don't do it. And don't buy a house with him either. You will never make him happy, that is him moving the goal posts. First your father isn't paying enough, now you have to make him happy, then it'll be the house isn't clean enough, you spend too much money, you don't appreciate all he's done for you - allowing you to live in his house. With people who put these kind of conditions on a relationship it is never ending.

And how exactly was he planning to marry you, with your father paying the bill, while he has no intention of divorcing his current wife. Because that is the situation, they may be separated and he may be half in a new relationship, but he's still married.

I would be walking and not looking back.

Well yes, exactly. Married man meets woman from rich family. Married man takes up with woman from rich family. Married man remains married. Married man starts to put feelers out for cash. Married man wants much money for wedding. Woman's rich father transfers many many thousands into bank account for wedding.

a) Married man divorces current wife and marries woman
b) Married man legs it with many, many thousands.

I just pray that the OP takes a lot of time to think about things.

Riamay, take big care. You have been had for a mug. Listen darling, you were a nice bit of twat until you ruined it all by getting up the duff.

What does your father say?

This stuff takes a long time to accept. Don't do anything without the advice of MN! No housebuying without a contract, money sharing, NADA.

Walk. Believe me, you will be happier (after a big period of grief) when he's gone.

Is he asian or something?

Run, run fast

Yes he is hindu. My best friend is the only
One who knows all this. Her ex was indian And treated her really badly which wasn't nice. She says they are very difficult men. She lasted 6 years until she had the courage to leave him no children etc.
trust me I have sometimes wrote down everything that he has done to me and thought I was reading a trashy magazine!!!

So why aren't you getting the hell out of there? The bloke is married to someone else. Give this up.

ria - he has laid it all on the line and told you how he feels - i think that would be enough for me. He says he does not want to marry you - until you make him happy?
if you dont make him happy now, having had 2 kids, then you will never do it and i wouldnt kill myself trying.

take the hint. i would. its a sham.

Just out of curiosity, where is his wife? Is she in the same country as you guys,or a different one?

GET.RID.OF.HIM.IMMEDIATELY

He's a dick, I have no idea why you would waste any more time with him.

oh for gods sake there are plenty of hindu men who are excellent husbands and fathers. Yours is crap because he's a bastard, not because he's hindu. Run as far from him as you can and keep firm hold of all your money.

wow.

Just WOW.

He is married.
He does not want to get divorced.
He does not want to marry you.

He does want your dads family's money.
He does not want you to part own the house he is buying with his dad.

You have two children with him. Is he on the birth certificate? Does he acknowledge the children as his?

Do you realize that all his current assets are assets of his marriage? Even any house he buys will legally in part belong to his wife? She also stands to inherit, and get his pension if he were to pass away?

He wants you to make him happy???

What about you. Does he make you happy?

If he is not already happy, he should fuck the fuck off to the friggin far side of fuck, and not EVER come back.

What a tosspot. Arse.

Please throw him out. You sound like a lovely person who deserves much much better.

In fact even if you were horrible, you would still deserve better. Because no-one deserves crap like this. You're young, life will be so much better without him

Not marrying you is the biggest favour he could do you. He can't marry you anyway because he's already married. Just because you got into this mess doesn't mean you can't leave it. Good luck.

Wow, he called you a skank and a slag? Never mind whether he'll marry you or not, why the hell do you want to marry him?

unless his ex is same culture, though it may be irrelevant, I wouldn't be surprised if he is mucking about and not divorcing her and shes trying desperately to get shot.

I forgot to add, leave him anyway he's not nice.

Rita you need to make yourself and your DC's happy. You will not find happiness with this man. Trust me. Good luck. Please don't stay, it will not end well.

ria sorry

Thank you ladies for all your nice and Amusing posts! I no not all Hindu men are Like this I just got the wrong one!
I'm sat at his parents house with things on the edge of my tongue that I want to say but I no I can't

Oh and I thought I'd heard it all but then tonight when we got to his parents they were speaking about a girl his cousin had seen for an arranged marriage and my OH said yes she's young......so you can MOULD her to how you want....WTAF?? I said she's not play dough she's a real girl
I no I need to leave but I'm too scared