Why does nobody EVER want to marry me??? what is it??? will I EVER get married?

[HiyaJemma]

I'm approaching 32.

My first serious boyfriend and I got together when I was 16, we were together for 7 years, had two children, got "engaged" with a £16 ring from argos and then split up. He's now happily married.

My second serious boyfriend and I lasted 2 years, there was talk of moving in together until he realised that would involve split responsibilty of adult things and he suddenly went off the idea. He got with someone else the same year and asked her to marry him.

My 3rd serious boyfriend had been married and although we were together for 3 years, the only time he mentioned marriage was when he said "christ, I'd never do THAT again!"

Current boyfriend - love him to pieces, he says the same about me. Been together almost 2 years, lived together for 1 year of that - never any talk of engagement or marriage. I took the plunge last week and asked how he felt about marriage - his reaction was "oh ... don't know if I can do all that again, the last one nearly destroyed me". Things have been rather strained between us since

WTF is it?? I WANT marriage yet deep down, I just know it will never happen for me. Why? it seems to happen for everyone else

You can try my OH if your stinky rich he will marry you! Oh and if u treat him good make him happy until he is satisfied!!! My thread is on ......

As DR Phil would say "do you want the marriage or the wedding?"
I know now that I just wanted the wedding!
and the honeymoon was FAB.
But marriage - nah! not so much.

I want to know that someone loves me enough to make that commitment.

What commitment?

Marriage isn't for life, it's for about eleven years.

It costs money to exit a marriage and not everyone can afford to do so. So some marriages must continue only because the couple can't afford to split their lives up. I can't think why else anyone would stay married to Victoria Beckham.

No such constraint applies to cohabitants (yet), so in some ways it represents the superior commitment: someone is with you who needn't be because they could leave at any time.

I had no interest in being a bride and having a white wedding. I only wanted to be my DH's wife.

It feels peaceful, calm and much more delicious than simply living together.

I geddit OP. If you are like me you go geddit too!

xxx

Jemma, nearly every man I ever dated wanted to marry me. This doesn't mean I'm more fabulous than you, it means I set my sights too low. I was a pathetic pleaser with insufficient self-esteem, therefore hugely appealing to controlling fuckwits with disproportionately large egos. I married two of 'em, unwisely.

I can't for the life of me understand why some people "want to be married" but, if you're serious about it, you should probably take yourself seriously. Sign up with a matchmaker, perhaps? They cost a couple of grand or more, but they are in business to find compatible marriage partners. Failing that, work out where you are likely to meet your future H and start spending your time there.

From Apocalypto's link:
According to the 12th-century Indian erotic handbook, the Ratirahasya, written by the poet Kokkoka, a happy marriage was one which didn?t involve redheads or girls named after mountains, trees, rivers or birds; girls with rough hands or feet; girls who sighed, laughed or cried at meals; girls with inverted nipples, beards, uneven breasts, flap ears, spindle legs or who were scrawny; girls whose big toes were disproportionately small; and girls who made the ground shake as they walked past.

I'm named after - er, one of those things, I have rough hands and feet (especially feet), I boast something of a beard on PMT weeks and have what's kindly referred to as a firm footfall.

No wonder it didn't work out, eh [hgrin]

Lol, always wanted to be married one day, still live in hope and older than you. The thing is I'm clear on why - just not met the right person yet, none have been good enough ;-). Your asking the wrong question I think - not "why won't they marry me?" but "why do I keep wanting to marry them?"

Maybe some women are not really the marrying kind, for whatever reason.

I totally agree with Opentoooffers.

But I also think that you can meet the right man who is happy to have his cake and eat it. Men can only have their cake and eat it if we let them.

Well you last two partners have had a bad experience of marriage so no wonder don't want to do it all again

Both DH and I come from backgrounds where there are many happy and long lasting marriages - lots of our relations are self employed and work with their spouses. We saw marriage as a positive thing, not just about romance and the wedding day itself but the best long term option for committed partners. Somehow, although marriages fail, I saw the actual ceremony as being a bit of extra glue that would make us stop and think and work through problems as they arose. I can see that those who have less positive experiences will see things differently, but I'm hoping our sons will marry at some point.

If my maths is correct, you've had 4 serious relationships since you were 16, and all combined they lasted a total of 14 years. You're now 31, which means you've only been out of a relationship for about a year since you were 16.
I wonder if this might be part of the problem?
Being in a relationship for its own sake, just like being married for its own sake, is a mistake. Jumping from one relationship to the next, without much of a gap, can hinder your perspective. You are more likely to make bad choices.
My advice (as someone who married young, divorced, and spent a LOT of time searching before finding the right man) is

1. Be on your own for a while
2. Learn to be a fabulous, whole, contented person without a partner
3. Be clear from the start of any future relationship what you want from it. If he doesn't share your deal breakers, move on before falling any further.

And 4. Remove the idea that it won't happen to you from your head. It will. But you need to give yourself time to know that you are a wonderful person on your own. When you really know that, the confidence and contentment will make you irresistible.

Wow op I bet you're glad you started this thread ! Don't hold back with the aspersions ladies ! Just because the op wants to get married she has low self esteem ?

Look at the guys you have been with is there a pattern you're repeating ? If you're dating guys who don't want to make the commitment then maybe it's time you were clearer about what you want from the start ?

It doesn't always mean you'll get it but at least you'll be on the right track

I want to get married to my Dp, cause I love him and because I want us to feel the commitment together for bringing up our family

It does mean something to some people