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Relationships

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Original poster

Upset over DH behaviour towards my dad

78 replies

riamay2011 · 20/10/2012 21:21

Tonight we went to see a wedding venue with my pops. My dad has been having a tough time with his business at the min and has literally tied all his money into it, plus borrowing a huge amount of money to buy out a partner has really put him through the mill. Never to say he told me and My so called fiancé that he would give us 5k towards our wedding. We got back in the car and my partner started slating my dad saying how 'tight' he was and that he couldn't believe that's all the money he was giving us.! I tried to back my dad up and say he is having a hard time at the minute and that we had just attended my partners sisters wedding where she spent 15k in one day and how he thought it was such a waste so I didn't understand where he was coming from? He now has turned all bitter on me telling me to book a shit wedding on a shit budget and be happy with the end result.???? He said he was only pissed off because he wants me to have a good day but 5 k to me is a lot of money and u can do a lot with that. I feel so hurt and now he's saying forget it???? And that he won't be contributing any money to it I've come to bed on my own had a little cry but more angry how can he do this to me this is suppose to be the best day of my life and he is ruining it :(

OP posts:

RobynRidingHood · 20/10/2012 21:36

My DH says that because my dad owns a multi million pound company he should be paying more.

Does your DP love you or the inheritance he thinks might come your way.

Massive red flags wavng on this relationshiop. Sorry, I never do the 'leave the bastard' thing - in this case - be grateful you aren't married to him and can walk away

Original poster

riamay2011 · 20/10/2012 21:37

Exactly! I never asked my dad for a penny. I just asked him to come along as he means a lot to me and he's hardly ever in the country so thought it would be nice for him to help with little bits where he can.
I just can't get my head around why my oh has acted this way has really hurt me. We also have a DD who's 2 so would be hard to just leave

OP posts:

EverybodysSpookyEyed · 20/10/2012 21:38

Oh phew!

I agree with Hecate that it sounds like he has an eye on your dad's millionaire status. It also sounds like your dad is asset rich but cash poor. In the economy we are in I am not surprised he is finding money tight.

I have a relative who married the daughter of a wealthy family. Except they weren't as wealthy as he thought and it was all incredibly stressful.

I really hope there is another reason he is being a nob

BCBG · 20/10/2012 21:38

Hecate has said it all. Alarm bells going off all over the place. Do not, repeat do not, marry him. He will be nice tomorrow; still don't.

Viviennemary · 20/10/2012 21:39

Your DP sounds awful. I'd be certainly having second thoughts about marrying somebody with this attitude.

Original poster

riamay2011 · 20/10/2012 21:39

I have never took money from my dad nor asked for it. I have never mentioned anything about inheritance

OP posts:

Original poster

riamay2011 · 20/10/2012 21:40

Trust me these second thoughts are all coming flooding in right now! He was saying really mean things in the car too like that's it u side with your precious daddy

OP posts:

HeinousHecate · 20/10/2012 21:41

oh dear.

It doesn't sound good, it really doesn't.

pictish · 20/10/2012 21:44

God - he's really angry about not getting as much money as he'd have liked isn't he? Genuinely put out.
That's bad. What is he like the rest of the time?
Is your dad well known locally as a business man?

LFCisTarkaDahl · 20/10/2012 21:44

His true colours are shining through.

He's after your future cash.

RobynRidingHood · 20/10/2012 21:45

Sweetheart, he thinks your Dad, and ultimately you, are going to be a pair of geese the lay some golen eggs.

Walk away now, whildt you have your dignity.

Mumsyblouse · 20/10/2012 21:45

Is this really the first time he's ever showed this nasty side? He sounds really selfish and mean, and let's face it, not fussed about marrying you but fussed about getting a good party out of his future father in law. If he was a bit disappointed, he could have said 'I'm a bit disappointed' but not slagged your dad off. In my house, no one slags off my family except me! Ever. I couldn't tolerate that nastiness to my dad.

How is the relationship usually? What's he like as a partner?

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/10/2012 21:49

At least you've seen what he's like before you marry him. Ditch him and move on, you have plenty of time to find someone better.

HeinousHecate · 20/10/2012 21:49

i can imagine demands for cash towards a house, school fees...

Honestly, honestly - listen to what this man is saying to you. He's clearly telling you that what's your dad's is his...

mrsconfuseddotcom · 20/10/2012 21:50

Oh no, your poor Dad!

Your OH deserves a hard kick in the nuts. I would have a serious think as to whether you should be marrying him.

FlorentinePogen · 20/10/2012 21:51

Do you think he is marrying you for the money ?
Are you an only child, by any chance ?

wellieboots · 20/10/2012 21:51

Dont normally comment on relationship threads but that is just . Weddings are a stressful thing, and everyone tends to have their own assumptions about the way things should be, but this is unbelievable!

Some parents contribute to weddings, others don't. This is the 21st century, most of us these days are working and have our own lives when we get married. My Dad passed away when I was young, so there's just my Mum. The way she wanted to do it was to pay for specific things, I think it came to somewhere in the 4-5k bracket but I can't renember, because of the way we did it. I was incredibly grateful for that, and would not have made assumptions that she would contribute to this or that. Much less would my DH!

If he is really this childish, sit down and have a serious think if you want to marry him!

MrsDeVere · 20/10/2012 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

panicnotanymore · 20/10/2012 21:54

Don't marry him, seriously. He has you down as a rich little heiress, and unfortunately for him has just told you as much through his actions.

Marry a man who loves you for you not your inheritance.

CelineMcBean · 20/10/2012 21:56

I think your fiancé should pay for his own wedding. What a spoilt brat!

Rowanhart · 20/10/2012 21:56

Get out now. This man is not a nice person...

Kewcumber · 20/10/2012 21:58

You're both adults who are perfectly capable of paying for your own wedding and it was incredibly generous of your Dad given the current state of his business. Your dad was probably mortified that he could "only" offer you that much f you are as close to him as you sound.

Sorry OP but your partner sounds a bit grim, a child who expects someone else to pick up his desire for a more affluent lifestyle. If he really wanted you to have such a lovely day then he needs to get off his arse and earn the lifestyle that he wants you to have.

In your shoes, I'd be horribly upset and certainly postponing the wedding whilst I reassessed the situation.

WongaDotMom · 20/10/2012 22:05

Your dad is struggling. You are adults. You should not be accepting a penny off your dad to marry this horrible man. He will NEVER be able to measure up to your beloved dad. Get out now and be free to find someone worthy of you. You can't say the warning signs are not there.

LapsedPacifist · 20/10/2012 22:05

You already have 2 children with this man? And he can't afford to contribute ANYTHING towards getting married to the mother of his kids?

And he is giving YOU a hard time because he expects your Father to pay up instead??

He has turned you into a BabyMomma . Don't let him become a Cocklodger.

moggiek · 20/10/2012 22:06

Really, this chap seems to be showing his true colours. I think you and your little one have the opportunity for a very lucky escape ...

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