upset & baffled over dh response to my fricking hair cut!

[tennesseyhennessey]

In the grand scheme of things and what others are going through, i realise this is very trivial but i am so hurt ans upset. It is long and possibly boring!

Without wanting to drip feed i have posted before about dh and him possibly being emotionally abusive. He is depressed (work related, he is trying to look for other work)but will not see a dr again or take tablets/speak to anyone. I packed up and left which seemed to make him see sense. After nearly a week a returned after promises of change. It has been about 10 weeks and so far it has been the best it has been for along time.

So yesterday i had all my hair cut off. think shoulder length blonde in to a short crop. The shortest its been since being with dh. I have recently lost 3 stone and always wanted short hair but felt i would look awful having super short hair and being over weight. It was my 'goal' treat to myslef. He knew i was having it done, he would prefer me with long hair but with 2 small dc who i do ALL the running around for it always ended up with it scraped back. I dont have time to straighten and make it look nice.

Everyone who has seen it thinks it looks great/suits me/makes me look thinner. APART.FROM.HIM. When i got back last night he just said 'what the hell has she done to your fringe.' He then got ready for work (late shifts) and ignored me. i asked what his problem was and he said he just didnt want to go to work. He ignored me when he got in-1am, i had fallen asleep on sofa, and he slept as far to the edge as possible in bed with his back to me. This mornign just as i was getting ready to go to work he came downstairs, stood in the kitchen in his boxers and told me he hated my hair, i think hewas waiting for me to apologise but i just said 'well its too late now its gone.' im not going to apologise for having my hair cut. He then ignored me til i left.

This is so childish but i am so upset i hid in the bathroom to cry. Its hair for gods sake. I dont want to go home, i hate being ignored, its been so good for the past fewweeks when i came back and its turning to shit over a bloody hair cut-which incidently i love.

In 13 happy years together, my DH has never said anything about my hair other than "nice hair, very swishy".

He's only ever said "you look nice" or "nice outfit", he's never commented negatively or given me any opinion on what I choose to wear.

The only time he ever has was a few months after I had DS and he said I looked like I needed some new clothes and he would look after DS while I went shopping.

This, I believe, is pretty normal in relationships.

I wouldn't comment negatively on someone's haircut without being asked my opinion.

But if I was asked, then I would tell my partner that I didn't like it if that was honestly what I thought. Otherwise, the conversation is pointless.

No idea if that is normal, but it doesn't matter, because, having just asked DW, that is what she expects.

Comments about my hair were one of the three examples of unreasonable behaviour when I petitioned my ex for divorce. I really struggled giving reasons to my solicitor but when I did all he said was that they were good examples of a nasty attitude.

Normal people just don't do that.

I don't think he is depressed.
I think he is a controlling, jealous, abusive tosser!
Agree with everyone else...it's not about your hair.

Hi everyone, sorry i havent updated i decided to stay with my dad for a few days and managed to leave laptop at home. It has been a hard few days and not easy. I am back at home because DH has an op tomorrow and he has no family within 3 hours to pick him up/look after him when he gets out, but there has been no definate plans made about our future together.

RE: all the above points about controlling behaviour i have pulled him up on it along with the hair comment. He says he didnt mean to upset me but it was a shock to go from long hair to inch short hair and took him by surprise, and before you say it no im not taking that for a good enough excuse!! It seems we are both unhappy with our relationship. Me because of the remarks and him from my lack of affection and zero sex life. However its swings and round abouts.

I should clarify when someone queried the comment i made about me doing all the running around after the kids. I have to do it because of the shiftys he works. He does all the housework/cooking/clothes washing during the day and does the afternoon school pick up. Im not wanting to make excuses but i want it clear that we do share the workload.