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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This is going to sound like a weird situation, but it is true

98 replies

knackeredknitter · 19/10/2012 00:17

Basically my h insists on looking after the children, and will not let me do anything. He doesn't actually tell me I can't but gets stroppy if I do.
He will say the food I cooked tastes "nice now I have put ketchup on it"
He has in the past, and I am not kidding, put salt in the flour so the dc won't eat what I have baked, has burnt food by turning hob up to full blast when I have left it simmering, just lots of strange things.
To everyone, he is a great hands-on Dad, but to me he is a bully who tries to stand between me and my children.
I think if I tell anyone they will think I am mad, and tell me to be more appreciative.......
Am I bonkers?

OP posts:
nkf · 20/10/2012 13:51

Is there no-one who could come and get you?

PissesGlitter · 20/10/2012 13:52

Leave and do it now!
He is fucking bonkers and abusive

Original poster
knackeredknitter · 20/10/2012 13:57

Yes I know

OP posts:
springyhope · 20/10/2012 16:53

As you have had no joy with the Womens Aid number (though if you call after 7pm you can get through) please get in touch with your local Freedom Programme (I have linked the 'search' section so you can type in Freedom Programme ----

springyhope · 20/10/2012 16:56

btw you can email Womens Aid - explain your story and someone will contact you. Can you set up a hotmail account which you access from the library?

springyhope · 20/10/2012 16:58

in fact, do all your research at the library so you are using a computer that he can't track.

snooter · 20/10/2012 17:00

Very odd, unpleasant, controlling behaviour.

Happylander · 20/10/2012 17:02

He really is a nasty piece of work. Grab your kids and go to the nearest police station who will get you to a womens refuge and then you'll get housed. Drastic I know but you need to get you and your kids out of there. Where abouts in the country are you?

brass · 20/10/2012 17:10

I don't normally get involved with these threads but he sounds frighteningly nasty. Please get away from this man.

Do you have no family or friends at all who can help you? You need to talk to someone in RL about his behaviour.

BadLad · 20/10/2012 17:22

He deliberately sabotages your cooking?

Sounds like a mentalist. If that's for real, get out, and get your kids out.

Is my advice.

ScarahScreams · 20/10/2012 17:36

This very serious OP. You need to get out and save the relationship with your children. I'll bet they feel suffocated and traumatised too. Sad

AgathaFusty · 20/10/2012 18:09

Is there anyone at all that you can talk to about this in RL?

Can you try to get out for a short walk everyday? It would give you some thinking time away from him and a chance to make some phone calls out of earshot. You could tell him that you have read that walking a little each day is good from people who used to have spd, so you are going to try it.

Could you speak to your GP about this - tell your h the appointment is a routine blood test or smear test so that he can't accuse you further of being ill. It would be good to get some of this 'on record' and your GP may be able to give you some advice with regard to refuges etc.

Keep trying with Women's Aid, or email them as a poster suggested earlier. Set up a new email address that he doesn't know about.

If you can, can you start to gather copies of bank statements, get your birth certs, passports, mortgage or rental details, wage slips/P60s and hide them somewhere, or even better leave them with someone you trust?

You can deal with this. He is in the wrong, not you. You can plan to remove yourself and your dc from this situation. Having a plan and taking some proactive steps will give you confidence and the strength to take action.

Original poster
knackeredknitter · 21/10/2012 17:24

Bad day bad day bad day Sad
He has now started standing in front of doorways and in front of me so I can't get past him and am trapped so I have to talk to him.....
I told him I want him to leave, he said I did all the things that he has done to me...so I said fine we should go our separate ways since it is obviously not working...he walked away and now I don't now what will happen next....
I want the day to be over so I can start again tomorrow
I might open a post office account, can you still do that? The PO is near me, banks are a drive away.

OP posts:
alphabite · 21/10/2012 17:48

You poor thing. This sounds horrible. Do you mean he has left now?

Yes you can open a post office account.

You do know you need to leave this relationship don't you? Please do it. Be strong for the sake of your children and for yourself.

DameEnidsOrange · 21/10/2012 17:55

He sounds dangerous and calculating. You need to get away from him.

There is a thread on here with great advice on how to leave, I will see if I can find it for you.

peppapigpants · 21/10/2012 17:56

My exH used to follow me round the house talking at me, I used to end up in the bathroom as it was the only one with a lock, then I'd come out eventually and he would still be outside and the diatribe would resume.

Go to the PO and open an easy access account, make sure you have some ID with you - usually your driving licence if it has a photo and something else with your address eg household bill.

ChooChooLaverne · 21/10/2012 18:27

Phone the police DV unit and ask for their help. You do not have to be trapped in your own house and he doesn't have the right to intimidate you in this way.

thixotropic · 21/10/2012 18:50

Chilling

gimmecakeandcandy · 21/10/2012 19:25

This is Just horrendous and your children DO notice of course they do. Can you phone the police then or keep trying womens aid? You need to get yourself and your children away from this dangerous dangerous man. I am scared for you I really am. And for your children.

gimmecakeandcandy · 21/10/2012 19:27

I agree you should go to the police. Phone them up as tell them you are scared and ask them to remove him. You need to get away from him.

whatthewhatthebleep · 21/10/2012 19:59

you need to get a friend round to your house asap....you need to leave with your DC's....and very soon. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I wouldn't be waiting for him to do anything now...you need to leave....I fear for you right now in this situation....can you get a friend to come round and maybe phone Police, etc for you if you can't????

Please try to stay in touch here....we are all very concerned for you....Please don't hesitate to PM any of us and we can help you in any way you need....you may be closeby to some of us here. No problem if you need a car/lift, etc, whatever might help you....you're not alone x

SleepyLittleSunshineGirl · 21/10/2012 20:39

Don't tell him you are thinking of leaving. You dont want him to get wind of anything. Checklist of things to do:

Call women's aid/freedom programme
Open PO account
Get documents to a trusted friend (passports birth certs etc)
Get together anything you want to take but do it gradually so he doesn't twig
Gather kids up as soon as you get the chance. Pop out for some milk with younger kids, collect other kids from school and go

I've been on MN a long time and have seen the power of MN in action. People will step in and help if local and you will always have support on here. You deserve more than the life you have and so do your DC x

AgathaFusty · 21/10/2012 23:24

He's escalated his game - why?

He must know that you are reaching a point of walking.

Be very careful. Clear your internet history. Be careful of any phone history.

Contact WA.

grobagsforever · 22/10/2012 07:51

OP how are you today? Please keep talking. Lots of people here willing to help.

whatthewhatthebleep · 22/10/2012 10:06

Hope you get back on here soon...many thoughts and sending you strength....xx

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