Mumsnetters view on this one please........My friend & her Affair???

[SomethingAboutMary]

Ok my friend has just poped in & we started talking about her fella!

Bit of background first she split from her hubby of 7 years about 1 year ago, she has 2 kids, she is 25 & she nows lives on her own with her kids & is divorced.

Anyway she has been seeing a married man for about 6 months, he has a wife but no children & she sees him a couple of times a week, they text & talk through most days, he takes her out for dinner, buyts her stuff & takes her & her kids out places like london, the zoo etc.

They have a sexual relationship but they are not like boyfriend & girlfriend as such, she does not want him to move in etc etc & is quite happy seeing him couple of times a week & having sex etc, & he has sais he will never leave his wife!

I just said to her that to me he is having his cake & eating it & loving his life with 2 women (one his wife & one his mistree), she lets him do this & is not bothered at all she is very happy with the way it all is. I said he can not have any respect for either of them & that my friend probably has no respect for herself because why is she letting this man do this.

Do you think this is right? do you think she will get hurt in the end?

I know its probably just male company for her & also sex but this has got to affect her in the long run? what do you think?

Not sure what she says to her children, i think she just says he is her "friend"

My friend would not talk about his wife with him until about 2 months ago, its funny cause when i was asking about his wife today, it was as if she wanted to brush it to one side IYKWIM?

She said he tells her all about the arguments him & his wife have, but he is still having sex with his wife too. Thats all i know so far! I also know that this man does "NOT" want any children!

We dont know full story ie his and his wifes side.(It could well be that his wife is getting her own - especially if he spends the amount of time with friend that she says he does).

I think your friend has been/is being a total mug.

well, there are two sides to every story, and surely the wife must have an idea. After all, if he's spending all this money on your friend ... I would sure as hell notice if mmy DH was spending the kind of money on new TV's, trips to the zoo, the london eye ... etc etc, so either the wife must be bloody stupid, or in total denial, or they have an open relationship and she doesn't give a toss.

I said this to my friend today about the wife noticing the money, i know i would notice if dp was doing this so i really am not sure. If thats how they all what to live there lifes goodluck to em i say

tbh - if your friend is planning to pull a stunt like 'accidentally' getting pg, she deserves everything she gets, and I feel soorry for both the man and his wife, too - though clearly this is a risk he takes if he carries on like this.

Maybe you should have it out with her. It is a serious thing to deliberatly have a baby that the father says he does not wnat, and does not consent to, as a means of emotional blackmail. It will affect the child, and the children she already has. Tell her you are horrified by her deluded and irresponsible behaviour, to get a grip, and you will not help her out if she has a newborn and the big cloud of dust her lover disappeared in to show for it!

he's an idiot, too. if he doesn't want any kids, then he needs to take some damn responsibility for himself and use condoms or get a vasectomy.

What goes around comes around imo

Treat people like shit and you get what is coming

Married men indeed, can she not find one that is single ffs?

you reap what you sow (b/c i don't believe in karma at all).

She would love another baby, she also is desperate for a boy as she has 2 girls already, in her mind she thinks he would give her a boy because he is 1 of however many boys & all his side of the family is boys etc i tried to explain it does not always happen like this!

When she mentioned to me about all the baby side of things, i did try & make her see it from another point of view.
I said to her that she may well want a baby with this man at the moment but she knows full well that there is no future for them, i said she already has 2 kids with 1 bloke (who she was married too) & then i said if she had one with this man that would be another bloke, i said what about when you meet someone you really really love & want to spend the rest of your life with maybe they will want children or whatever, but i said you will have kids from many different men is that really what you want? her answer was "NO"!

It sounds as if you might be talking some sense into her then.
Tell her her chances of meeting someone who really really loves her, and wants babies with her, and will stick around and provide love and money, will be hugely improved if she is not struggling to bring up another baby whose dad does not want to offer either love or practical support (like babysitting) or money!

She really has moved into fantasy land, hasn't she?