Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mumsnetters view on this one please........My friend & her Affair???

60 replies

SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 13:28

Ok my friend has just poped in & we started talking about her fella!

Bit of background first she split from her hubby of 7 years about 1 year ago, she has 2 kids, she is 25 & she nows lives on her own with her kids & is divorced.

Anyway she has been seeing a married man for about 6 months, he has a wife but no children & she sees him a couple of times a week, they text & talk through most days, he takes her out for dinner, buyts her stuff & takes her & her kids out places like london, the zoo etc.

They have a sexual relationship but they are not like boyfriend & girlfriend as such, she does not want him to move in etc etc & is quite happy seeing him couple of times a week & having sex etc, & he has sais he will never leave his wife!

I just said to her that to me he is having his cake & eating it & loving his life with 2 women (one his wife & one his mistree), she lets him do this & is not bothered at all she is very happy with the way it all is. I said he can not have any respect for either of them & that my friend probably has no respect for herself because why is she letting this man do this.

Do you think this is right? do you think she will get hurt in the end?

I know its probably just male company for her & also sex but this has got to affect her in the long run? what do you think?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 27/03/2006 13:53

That's awful!! Fancy taking a child to see her!

Original poster
SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 13:55

My friends own marriage was the shambbles & i think she is loving being on her own this is why she loves being with this "married" man because she does not want a man fulltime.

These are the points she pointed out to me.

  1. she loves being on her own & being with a man few times a week, she does not want to live with a man at the moment.

  2. he spoils her.

  3. He is very comfortable (in the wallet department)

  4. Her sex life is satisfied.

  5. He buys her anything, like her lounge tv has just broken & he has replaced it, he fixed her car & paid for all the MOT etc,If she needed something he would buy it.

  6. He makes her laugh

She says she does not sit at home waiting for him to call etc etc but i do not believe her, she told me the reason she could not talk about his wife was because she was jealous because his wife "had him" & she did not!

To me i think she has fallen for this guy BIG time what do you think?

OP posts:
Uhuru · 27/03/2006 13:59

Cod - I can give you the number of the stupid woman who was chasing my husband and continues to call him in spite of my having rung her to tell her to get lost and my h asking her not to call as it upsets me

Uhuru · 27/03/2006 14:01

sorry to hijack - I'll go away now.

Original poster
SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 14:02

Oh blimey i hope it is not your hubby Uhuru, not even sure if his wife knows i have a feeling she does, as sure my friend told me his wife new, but when i asked her today she said "erm yeah i think so"

Blimey i hate all this, why are poeple like this do they not think of the other persons feelins cause i know full well i would not be able to do anything like this & i would "kill" any women who tried to do this with my dp Grin

OP posts:
desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 14:03

uhuru if cod doesnt want to do it
i will gladly
as long as you dont mind some harsh language and threats

Original poster
SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 14:03

& of course "kill" my dp for even starting an affair!

OP posts:
gigglinggoblin · 27/03/2006 14:11

it sounds like she is expecting something more than she is going to get and i feel very sorry for his wife. if he can behave like this towards the woman h is married to, what makes her think he will treat her any better? if he buys her all this stuff and they split what are the chances he will take it all back? she needs to stand on her own two feet imo and put her kids 1st. there is no way they should have met him, what happens if they see him and his wife together?

when i 1st met dp we had a very similar relationship (no wife tho), he was affectionately referred to as my f*buddy Grin Blush before him i had a few relationships like this with other blokes and they didnt end in tears, but i was never thinking that i was going to end up living with them (it was a bit of a surprise that things turned out this way with dp, it wasnt the intention!). i introduced the kids to them after a while, but they were only introduced as friends and we didnt really do days out etc. i certainly wouldnt have let my kids get attached to someone who wasnt going to be around long term.

SoupDragon · 27/03/2006 14:13

Quite frankly, since your friend said she doesn't think about the wife, I think she deserves whatever hurt comes her way over this.

robin3 · 27/03/2006 14:14

Your friends logical explanation is quite offensive I think...either that or she's trying to hide her vulnerability with bravado.

Given her 'I'm alright jack' attitude I'd refuse to talk to her about it if I were you. My friend ended up in a situation where most of her mates refused to grace the relationship with the dignity of being discussed and that resulted in her getting precious little pleasure out of the excitement of the thing. After a while she was left with an occasional visit from said bloke and no one to offer any sympathy. At least she knew where she stood.

Caligula · 27/03/2006 14:16

Taking the kid to see the mistress and telling him he has to keep it secret is nothing short of emotional abuse imo.

What a shit the guy is.

Blu · 27/03/2006 14:18

Yes, he's clearly on to a good thing - but at least is being reasonably upfront about it and not spinning her a line about 'I'll leave her when....'.
Yes, she probably is falling for him - i hope she didn't tell you she is planning to 'accidentally' get pg?? - and will probably have a horrible let down. If not this time, then when he starts a relationship with your friend...and keep a new mistress on the side. because that's the thing - a man who is a cheat with her will cheat ON her. it hapens time and time and time again.

HOWEVER she won't listen to a word you say, and she won't leave him until she sees or feels all this for herself. People never do. So if I were you I would keep off the subject, take everything she says with a (private) pinch of salt, and be ready to mop her tears when he upsets the apple cart. And try not to say 'I told you so'.

Senoracod · 27/03/2006 14:20

let me at them

( imaging my " professionla" repuecssions!!)

Original poster
SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 14:20

I totally agree about this kids thing, not sure what she has told them, I am not sure how much they see him etc, but she told me they went out to the london eye one day last week (she even toke her kids out of school for this) they see there dad twice a week so think she sees this man then, she also sees him at lunch times, like today she had to go because he was bringing her a new tv round which he had just brough! She had 1 of her kids with her so .....

I think she lets him do what he wants because to her she was very very secure in her marriage (in the way of money) bow she is on her own she does not work she is on benefits so this "bloke" is her security because if anything goes wrong "he is there" so to speak.
She also like shis company, BUT i just wish she could do this with someone who is not married this is what is upsetting! She does not talk to much about him last couple of times she has spoke about it but normally trys to keep it quiet, i believe its all just very convenient for her IYKWIM?

OP posts:
Senoracod · 27/03/2006 14:21

whast the adress?
or his name
can twe find him

jampots · 27/03/2006 14:22

i think you should ask if you can borrow him being as though he's a free for all (obviously tongue in cheek) and she has no claim on him.

Senoracod · 27/03/2006 14:22

yes yes
take a test drive

:)

Original poster
SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 14:23

Blu- you line was -

((Yes, she probably is falling for him - i hope she didn't tell you she is planning to 'accidentally' get pg??))

Well you hit the nail on the head!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 14:24

I know his name, his occupation & also the town he lives in, see its so easy for him because he does not live in our town he lives about 40mins away, so he has his "secret" life over here!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 27/03/2006 14:25

In which case, she doubley deserves any hurt this will bring.

Senoracod · 27/03/2006 14:25

scouser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
where are you
go ognognognognongongo lets do it

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 14:26

I will do it gladly
but i wont be nice

Original poster
SomethingAboutMary · 27/03/2006 14:36

You lot make me laugh, Who are you phoning?? What will you say? Smile

OP posts:
desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/03/2006 14:41

if uhuru wants to get some awful bint off her hubbys back

MeerkatsUnite · 27/03/2006 14:43

You friend, for her own sake, should end the affair as of now.

You are right - it will end badly and your friend will be ultimately the fall guy in all this. Its an ideal set up for him having two women on the go with the likelihood that the wife knows nothing of his mistress.

Its also setting an appalling example to her own children. How does she explain her male friend to them?.

What if indeed your friend does indeed fall in love with this man?.

What has this man told her, if anything, about his wife and their life together now?. Possibly the old chestnuts that, "she doesn't understand me" and, "we don't sleep together anymore" to name but two.

Swipe left for the next trending thread