Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

Watch - am saying nothing till Pirate walks the walk. At the moment he is all mouth and no trousers!
I will be very happy to be proved wrong.

yep - thats what ive said, about seeing if the actions match up.
words are cheap.
i can say anything i like, and mean it, but if i dont actually DO it, then its all bollocks, itsnt it.

eie in this case it's more the fact that a few weeks ago I was snogging him at the office party and now he's moved on to someone his own age.

If I had more any interest I wouldn't mind so much, have to pin my hopes on GSM and hope they're not just the same as all the lowlifes I generally meet OD :)

Right, following on from Watch's good result, could I have your advice please?

First of all, I don't want to rush things with him or seem like I am chasing him. That's really important to me. BUT having said that, I would like to see him more often. I've seen him six times over the last four weeks which isn't bad going tbh as we both have children, work and other stuff going on. But a couple of times a week would be good.

Secondly, the last couple of times we've met up, we've said goodbye without arranging another date. I don't actually think that this means anything as we end up sorting something out a few days later, but I will admit here and nowhere else that I do feel happier when I know when I'm seeing him again.

So, I don't know what to do about this. Not sure that I can ask this without seeming insecure and needy and I am not going to do that. Advice please including suggested text if anyone thinks I should say anything ...

western, i dont think it will do any harm to say anything. and 6 times in 4 weeks isnt too bad, but as things progress you might want to see him more often.
i think you could send him something along the lines of saying how much you enjoyed the weekend, and how you always like knowing when you are going to see him next. and how it makes is so much easier with babysitters etc....

Western - what kind of dates have you had so far? Dinner out, going to see whatevers on at the cinema etc? Maybe if you fancied you could see what plays/musicals/gigs are on, and suggest during a date that you'd like to go see it, it's on a week on Thursday etc etc. Then either he may pick up on it and suggest you go see it together or if he's too slow on the uptake, you suggest doing it?

it is sort of a difficult in between time, isnt it.

Because you dont know if you are offically a couple, so dont know if future dates are agiven.. but its hard to know if its ok to say..

BUT - taking the fate approch, you should just be yourself.... and say something.

Could he come roiund yours once the children are in bed sometimes - or dont you feel comftable doing that yet?

Thanks for the replies - yes, it's a bit no-man's-land ish at the moment, although we did have a conversation over the weekend about how neither of us were on dating sites or seeing other people . . . and that we didn't want to. So I don't know if that makes us a couple or not. Also had lots of mentions from him about "When you meet my eldest" and "When I take you to xxx" and so on, so I'm not feeling like he is suddenly going to stop seeing me (well, not really, but there is still a stupid little niggle).

I am not letting him in my house at the moment as it is a total building site (literally). When the rewire is finished and the new bathroom is fitted it will be presentable enough to let people through the door but it is a cross between an old people's home and a squat at the moment. I know he's not seeing me for my house, but his house is beautiful and I am a bit embarrassed about mine. (Only been there a few months so I have an excuse, but still . . .). So it might be a possibility in a while, but we would have to talk about that.

We've been out for meals and drinks so far. Might suggest theatre/a show or something but really I want him to suggest it . . .

I think I am a bit dim though, he has been saying things like "So, what are you going to do for bonfire night?" and when I mentioned an event I went to with the children over the weekend he said "Oh, I'd have come along if I'd have known". (There is something similar in a couple of weeks). Was this him dropping hints that he wants me to include him in things and maybe meet the children? Honestly, I am bloody clueless with this sort of thing.

Think I might mention something. How should I do it?

I'm a great believer in just saying it like it is, like Watch says. If he really likes you he will want to see you as much as you want to see him. If he doesn't then whats the point?!

I had to spell it out to one of them "you've fallen into that hole again haven't you? Its a shame as I thought you were lovely, but you're obviously too busy to make time for dating at the moment" He agreed, apologised and said he needed to get better at this stuff. I told him when he met the right woman he would be secretly hoping he would say that he'd already met her, i.e. me but it wasn't to be.

Best move ever though, as now, instead of pining for someone who was too busy to fit me in, I have met someone who - and I still can't quite believe this - feels as strongly about me as I do about him!

And he said we'll do something in the evenings this week/next week, it's just getting something arranged!

I don't really have anything to worry about, do I, when I see it all written down like this?

western. I think he was angling for a bonfire night invite. :-). How do you feel about him meeting DCs?!

Still alive. New flatmate has just moved in. He's Italian, a cook and in his fifties. No fanny-moistening there.

Heard from PM, nothing to report. He's been off work today, recovering from his weekend of shagging, I suspect

watch glad pirate-text seems good. :)

Watch - actions. Words count for sweet fuck all. See how things go, if he makes an effort, great. If not, next!

Hurray For Snape and the new flat mate. An Italian cook? You are going to put on three stone in the first month! Glad you have some positive news.

Any plans to see PM?

Dd is very keen to meet him as she's a nosy cow. Think it might be a bit soon though.

I have been trying to be sensible and take things steady but I do really like him. Perhaps I should be a bit more encouraging to him and ask him to a bonfire or fireworks round at ours maybe?

Western, I agree with snape - asking 'what are you doing for bonfire night?' sounds like he's angling for an invitation to come along, hold your hand and go 'oooh, aaah'. And maybe even watch some fireworks.

Maybe he's just setting up a few gambits like that, and if you don't pick up on them he's off on some other forum somewhere going 'But why didn't she invite me along for bonfire night?'

" People keep telling me that the 'right person' will come along. I think mine got hit by a bus or something"

snape glad the flatmate situation is resolved, one small weight off your mind.

I've had dates talk about when (in due course) I'd meet their DCs, how they thought we would get on etc. Never saw any of them again of course so not quite sure what the point was of them even raising it in conversation.

Watch that sounds very encouraging actually. I had that chat about not being on any other dating sites too, and talking about meeting eldest. Agree you should just be yourself. I am, and so far it hasn't scared him off.

Oh gawd I seem to be on some post-shag-euphoria comedown. Is this normal? This is why I wanted to wait. Am glad I did, and it was the right thing to do etc, but FMH (Fuck My Hormones) which are telling me, oh you probably won't see him again now despite two emails from him already today

I will NOT put on three stone that I lost through the gym & low carbing he tends to microwave meal for one for himself, so won't be cooking. :). Seems quiet, which is good. Has only paid half of deposit & 1st weeks rent due to cashpoint limits, so we'll see. Hopefully not racist, rapist or MacBook stealer. Not like I'll be able to get PM to chuck him out, when he's not talking to me anymore due to dooooom book of note. No plans, as yet to see PM. Will NOT text him. I did last text, he knows I am stressy-stress-stress-stressed, so leaving it with him.

Birthday parcels are now labeled (1) (chocolate mice) 'squeak!' (2) (Stetson) 'write!' (He gave ds1 his 'writing hat') & (3) (notebook) '?' I had contemplated labelling the notebook with 'drop' or 'avoid' or simply 'sorry' but that way lies madness & I'm pretty close to utter stressed out insanity as it is, probably not a great idea...

Haha Madame you are EXACTLY where I am (except I've not had any e-mails today, but he has been in touch after Saturday night) . . .

Watch WTAF is wrong with us???

I know, felt great all yesterday and now I'm a bit hmmm. I KNEW I would get like this and I even thought beforehand that I shouldn't start thinking stupid thoughts but here I am.

I think I am going to text him tonight and ask him out and then when I see him have a conversation about "things". Yikes. But he has initiated all the other conversations like this and Bantam's probably right and he thinks I am not that bothered about him . . .

But he did say he likes it that I don't pressure him, and he hopes he doesn't pressure me, so I don't want to go the other way. Aargh, all this overthinking stuff, I can't stand it!

Snape Dunno what to say, except breathe and know that whatever happens, you are a good person who followed your heart. I'm in a proper "woo" frame of mind today. My twat of an ex texted gleefully to say that he had handed over a tenner in shop and been given change of £20. When I said he should give it back ok maybe I shouldn't have described it as 'a test from the universe' he replied in his usual charming fashion denigrating karma and saying that he ought to be rich after all the shit he's had to go through and that he's done with being decent honest and truthful.

He doesn't get it does he?
Anyway, point is, that love beings love and hate brings hate. Because you are acting with love, whatever happens you will get love back.

oh - i think its common, you have kind of made it clear you like them, and are a bit worried about rejection now.... and getting hurt.

Western i think hes angling for some more plans with you too actually. and im sure he wont mind at all about the house, all you have to do is tell him, he will understand, sounds like he really likes you.

madame - :) sounds like its all going really good there too.

snape - glad you have a new flat mate, hope he turns out to be ok. he moved in quick!!! Also hope pm contacts you soon. like the labels too :)

Sorry I mean love brings love. D'oh!