Red shoes, charming lesbians and pirates with taste...Dating Thread 24

[ChaoticismyLife]

It's the best I could come up with

As you were...

I quite like neediness! I'm a bit clingy but have tried unsuccessfully really hard not to show it too much, however, he has openly admitted he is needy and that he wants to be looked after, which I love. He is very caring and affectionate too, so the neediness is part and parcel of a sensitive, loving soul.

Ex wasn't interested in me spending time with him, so its a welcome relief to be wanted and needed. Send all your spare unwanted limpets my way, I have plenty of TLC to go round!

I am meeting his DDs today We're only a few weeks in but it has all been very intense and we ended up with a last minute change of plan last weekend resulting in him meeting my DCs, which went really well. Now its my turn, I'm a bit nervous, but also excited as it means then that meeting up at weekends becomes possible, rather than being constrained to our kid-free days (which rarely coincide, grrr.)

I'm being realistic that this may not last forever, but at the same time, we are both so into each other that its impossible to try and keep him separated from the rest of my life, so we thought we should just bite the bullet and get on with it.

Still no messages :(

I don't really see the point in messaging anyone - I will have to pay to join in order to do so, and if no-one I message is a paid member, they won't be able to reply, so it would be a complete waste of money. If I'd had at least a couple of messages it'd be worth joining but I don't think it is at the moment.

Will give it another few days, but feeling increasingly less optimistic.

Good luck to all with dates today :) seems safe to say I won't be dating anytime soon ever again.

Watch your DDog is Luffly Happy Birthday to him
Took Nice Normal Man to a gig last night. Went very well. Lots of hand holding and arms round each other. Still no snogs as I had to make like Cinderella and get back for the babysitter, but have promised him snogs next time.

Sorry to see so many of you going through a tough time. Despite my vom-inducing update I do know how it feels. When DD starts school next year I have no idea how I am going to land a job. So that's the next lot of Cosmic Ordering sorted! DD's Dad has her on average one night every 1-2 weeks and more if I can allow him to think it's his idea persuade him

i hate neediness. And im not needy myself. I need someone thats independent, and appreciates my need for my own too.

Miranda - glad it went well :)

madame0 - how was last night?

hope everyone is feeling abit better today?
Thanks for the birthday wishes for the pooch. Decided at half 8, that a bacon sandwich in the woods would be a good way to celebrate. and it was :)
much like a child, i cant believe how old he is and how the time has gone. he was my first baby. I adore him :)

Not seeing pirate this evening. he text first thing to say he had been puking in the night. And that it was up to me, as he thought he would be ok, if not the best company - but, seeing as i start a new job next week, i dont want to risk it. So, we have cancelled.he might come round tomorrow for a tea and a chat in the evening, but it depends on how he is.
Seems hes told lots of his friends about me, and they are all very excited. Hes been single a while, and ( like us!) none of his friends could work out why as hes really nice. He always told them he wasnt worried and it would happen when it happened.... but, yeah. its nice that hes telling people and people are pleased for him :)

oh - cross posted!!

glad its going well madame :) have you actually snogged at all? its kind of sweet that you havent, nice to know he likes you for you.

and thanks for the dog comment, he is. This will mark me as an insane person, im sure. But i would not have got through the last 10 years or so without him. Hes been my backbone through several tours when my husband was at war, tours when i was on my own for 7-8 months. Times when i was abroad, away from family and friends. Through the cheating and domestic abuse. Through house moves, new jobs, seperating ( twice) and losing everything and starting again. Through illness and operations, through stress, child issues, loneliness, happy time and all the great stuff too. and the times when i wanted to give up. Ive always felt that with him by my side i can get through it. hes much more than just a dog. hes my best friend. he knows all my secrets and faults and still loves me. His birthday is a bit bittersweet, time passes, he is old now and i cant pretend that hes not. But we still had a lovely morning.

sorry sponge, didnt mean to miss you off.
hmmm, dont know what to say, there is alot ofpeople on there, can you perhaps favourite a few? see if that prompts a few messages?

I think there's a fine line between being needy/clingy and letting someone else in/letting them help. I want someone who needs me but isn't needy if that makes sense.

Madame- glad all went well last night, your FB update had me a little worried! Hopefully you will get to some lovely snogging very soon.

Watch - puking. Ugh, I would make him stay in quarantine for at least 48 hours. But that's just me and my puke phobia. I barely let my kids near me when they're puking. But otherwise all sounds great. AS for the dog, mine's 14 and still going strong (totally deaf but otherwise fine!). Happy doggy birthday.

Right, I have to go write a presentation for another interview (which I don't really want but have to go for until I know about the first one. No idea what to put in the presentation, but hey, at least a liberal arts education prepared me for something (ie how to make it sound like I know what I'm talking about when in fact I know fuck-all).

watch happy birthday to Ddog :) hope you have a lovely day with him - shame about pirate but I think you're right in view of your new job I wouldn't take the risk of getting ill either.

I'll try and find some to favourite on MSF. Might help. No-one has even favourited me though

yoga - 14!! wow. What breed? Homes has hip dysplacia. It was the worse the vet had seen, 4 years ago. hes on the best drugs and is doing ok. though he had a very bad winter and it wasnt looking so good feb time... but hes had a fab summer. Hes in great shape apart from that, but as the vet says, it will come down to his hips, not anything else.
im shocked you havent heard from that second interview, its quite bad. Good luck for prepping for the other one...

yeah - right decision. we spoke on the phone, he said he was worried i might think he was standing me up, but that thats not the case at all.Im not risking it, not with a new job, its just not worth it. Though he said it was as shame as ne knew i was childfree till tomorrow afternoon..... which makes me think that maybe he had been thinking of staying over and having lots of sex... :)

watch - am still feeling hopeful about the job, the recruiter says she simply hasn't been able to get him on the phone as he's away so much. But the waiting is soooooo frustrating!

Dog is a lab/collie cross. He's a bit slower than he used to be but still likes a good walk. Have you ever tried acupuncture - in all seriousness, it's supposed to be incredibly beneficial for dogs with pain and joint problems.

Back to my presentation - the other thing my iiberal arts education taught me was how to procrastinate!

Yoga Eek, I didn't mean to be obtuse. He's on my FB but not ready to do the relationship thing yet. We haven't snogged yet no. I do know he liked my outfit last night though as he's already mentioned it twice

Watch totally get the whole pet-as-constant thing. I adored my cat who was pretty much a family substitute through some rough times and many house moves. I was devastated when he died but I have such happy memories of him now that I can think of him with joy not sadness. It helps that he didn't suffer and had had a good life.

Sponge I think the pace of certain websites can be frustratingly slow if you're used to PoF and OKC. Sometimes a lack of urgency is the sign of a more stable person. Well, judging by the 60+ texts a day at the start of relationship with abusive ex anyway! Sorry if I've said this before.

Snape I swear that if PM doesn't fall at your feet I will personally get on a train and snatch the notebook from his ungateful mitts and then proceed to beat him about the head with it

Normally I would be wary on the subject of unrequited love, but you know exactly what you're taking on. It's what we all dream of, to be loved and accepted, faults and all, so if he doesn't respond then he's just...dunno, a fuckmuppet!

Miranda great to hear. Is your ExH not going to be happy at news you are dating? Awh shame

Mac Neediness is cringingly off-putting, esp if you absent-mindedly enjoying an initial convo of messages and they start with the "You there?" "Have you gone?" nonsense. It's a red flag IMO. I don't like it when an adult demands my attention, it's bad enough when it's DD! Just feels like an invasion of my personal space. Just back off already!

DoingIt It's kind of different when they admit the neediness though, as that's implies self-awareness, which IME is usually a good thing. It's when they are oppressive with the constant texting and wanting to know what you're doing and why you're not speaking to them that i'm wary.

Western wishing you continued loveliness with the Optician. We do seem to be quite a restrained bunch so far, don't we? How tebly civilised!

Fate - how is it going with New Lad?

Sorry to those I've missed out, has taken me an age to write this already!

Madame - sorry, I meant the post about blowing up the desk! (Haven't friended anyone personally on FB)

Have been up since SEVEN cleaning the house as a chap is coming to look at the spare room at half three. Then another chap tomorrow at one. Am exhausted, but house is sparkly! Going to the gym when he's gone and then, highlight of the day, ocado delivery between half eight & nine purchased with emergency non-usable-in-person credit card.

Will be taking final photos of the notebook later (nothing new) then prepare mega post in chronological order for you all, wrap the sucker & try to forget about it.

sponge. Patience!!! :-). All will be well either way.

doingit & western. So pleased things are lovely! I'm in a slightly happier and beneficent mood today, so enjoying people's happy dating stories. :)

I get worried about looking needy - I don't think I am, but I would really hate to seem clingy or as if I were chasing after someone, and I know this makes me go the opposite way and appear very self-sufficient. I am going to find a better balance with this.

Don't like men to be needy, though. I do like to be wanted but that's quite a different thing altogether.

Watch poor old Pirate, but how frustrating for you. Hope you can see him soon.

Yoga my best dog ever was a collie/Labrador cross. What I would have done the last few years without my cats I don't know. They are true friends.

Hello all
Snape, you sound very busy. And you are going to the gym? I would consider the house work my excercise.

Watch. I love my dog too. However my friend has just got a puppy and she is totally absorbed by him to the extent she talks to it constantly in a high pitched voice. It's a constant stream of chatter. I'm sure that's not good for the dog. And the dog is the total centre of attention, her eyes on him, constant talk. I'm no dog expert but I thought you were supposed to be masterful with the dog and limit the drivel? It's 3 months old and showing no signs of being toilet trained. It's a dog. I told her you can make a dog aggressive by loving him so much he has no boundaries.

Sponge. I got no messages on Okc. And the ones I eventually got were not good. On pof most men don't want to date, just do phone sex. You have to discount a large number on MSf who won't want to pay either so they won't be sending messages.

Watch. 48hours for tummy problems is the general rule of thumb. He may have picked up something from the kids at school.

Hello to everyone else.

No dating from me. Im ok with that.

Yes, gym membership expires on Halloween. Getting the most out of it while distractions are out-of-town. :) besides fancy the steam room & jacuzzi and not-allowed unless I work out first...

snape hope all goes well with potential lodgers...I love it when my house is sparkly, though it happens v rarely.

I really am trying to be patient with MSF, but surely there comes a point when I have to think I'm not going to get any? I've favourited 10 to see if that helps, nothing so far.

But if not, if MSF doesnt produce any messages at all, then what do I do? Give up and resign myself to being on my own for the rest of my life? Or go back to POF where I just get treated like a sex object for men with no interest in a relationship?

I wish I understood why all this is so difficult; if I'm as great as I think I am why am I not getting loads of messages? Why don't men want to date me?

Hello everyone. I had a tx in the night from onedateman ,must have been as he was coming off shift..just said "Hi,are you awake ?x"...I found it this morning and replied " I was asleep,but have a nice weekend x hope your shift went ok x".....no reply. He was txing me all day last weekend saying how much he wanted to meet etc..

I get lots of messages,but don't really like the look of any of them,usually because of stuff on their profiles,or don't fancy the pic,or they say they want children...
Think I am fussy after so much crap in the past.But now I am feeling ready for something,I don't want to compromise at such an early stage....ah well..
Another night in being mummy...

I hope you won't mind me jumping in here sponge but from my experience, attracting attention from men who want a sex object is easy ... all you have to do is stick up your picture and off you go. BUT ... and it is a very big but ... if you are wanting to meet someone who will value you as a person, who loves your mind, your sense of humour, your sparkiness and down-to-earthness ... you have to be patient. Sometimes very patient indeed. Its very much a numbers game and these guys aren't hovering on the internet like a bad smell waiting for their next "victim" ... they're out having a life, because they're nice people with friends and interests and other good healthy things.

Even if MSF doesn't work, there are always options ...

Joyless I understand entirely that it's harder to attract a man who wants me for who I am, not what I look like. But everyone else seems to manage it sooner or later - apart from me that is. I'm happy to be corrected, but has anyone waited days/weeks before they got one message on a dating site? I seriously doubt it.

Honestly, I don't see I have any other options apart from those I mentioned...

Sponge I promise you that not only have I been in that position, but many many of my lovely single friends. Honestly, no bullshit ... I have a wide circle of single friends in their 40s, 50s, even 60s who have all internet dated on & off for years. Only the very few find it easy ...

Remember this:

?Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...?

Just to be clear about "easy" ... I take it to mean "easy to get" not easy in a sexual sense. So they are undemanding, no challenge, bland, identikit even.

You're a top of the tree girl sponge and don't you ever forget that.

I know. My profile on POF used to say I was the apple at the top of the tree :)

But 4 years of nothing, of not finding even one man who wants to see me more than once is a spectacularly long wait.

It is, I acknowledge that. But from my reading of the threads, you've had a bit of a breakthrough in seeing that you've probably been pursuing the wrong type of man. Honing what is the right type of man may take a bit of doing, a bit of time spent in reflection or conversation with good friends, and perhaps a bit of practice in trying out other types of men.

Personally, I'd be inclined to go back to somewhere like POF, go with a very different profile and pictures to the ones you've had previously. Maybe even hide your profile as others on here have done, and you make contact with the people you feel might be interesting ... ie. different to your previous type, but on a trial basis to find your way.

I'd also focus very much on your personality rather than your looks. It seems that your looks have drawn those wanting the sex object. So, package your profile to attract a man who is looking for a great person to be his partner. What a lucky bugger he will be to get a sex goddess too.